Free To Be: Is Freedom Possible?

Is it possible to be free in this matrix that we live in? We are of body. We are of obligations. Therefore, freedom of the form is limited. However, freedom of the mind can be cultivated. Join Dr. Shefali Tsabary as we explore freedom of the mind and how train yourself to come out of the labyrinth. Cultivate your freedom. You have the power.

Transcript

Hello everyone,

Welcome to another class on how to be free.

So I've been contemplating about freedom for a long time and whether it's even possible to be free within this matrix that we live in.

It's not entirely possible to be fully free.

We are of body,

We are of obligations,

We are of laws and mandatory circumstances that we have to be in.

So freedom of the form is limited.

So we don't even really care about freedom of the form that much.

Of course we want to create an ambiance of ultimate desire and optimum fantasy.

But this is not freedom of form that this course is addressing.

We are talking about freedom in here and how in the midst of the most extenuating circumstances,

The most aggravating of situations,

You can still find your way out of the labyrinth and into freedom.

Now this freedom that you can train your mind,

It's not a given.

No one just is free.

We came free,

We got enslaved,

Now we have to carve yourself out of the labyrinth.

So this freedom is cultivated,

Therefore it's in your power.

Therefore you hold the key.

The more you cultivate,

The more free you are.

So the degree to which you are free or enslaved rests on you.

So there is no bemoaning your fate that you are a victim of your circumstance because the freedom to look at it in a way that is liberating belongs completely to you.

And no matter what the form-based situation,

There is a way out of the labyrinth that will give you more and more and more freedom.

But you have to go looking for those breadcrumbs out of the labyrinth.

And mostly they will be breadcrumbs that you have to cultivate,

You have to find,

Pick out the jewels,

You have to go search,

You have to seek,

You have to quest,

You have to embark on a journey.

So whenever people say to me,

Ask me,

How do people begin this?

I go,

It is in some one,

Two,

Three little trinket,

Little trophy you pick up along the way and strategize.

You have to first be willing to embark on a journey and this needs to become your marriage.

So the problem with modern love and modern relationships is that they are actually completely delusional because they super assume that you have fallen in love with yourself and that you are in a relationship with yourself.

What a travesty because we are not in love with ourselves and we are not in relationship with ourselves,

But yet we are pushed to be in love with another and to be in relationship with another.

What a foolhardy endeavor,

Literally ridiculous if you really think about it.

And you know it now when you see your children who are about to be 21 and 25,

Who are about to think they know everything about love and relationships and who are about to commit themselves for eternity.

And you know it's the most foolish thing they could do,

Especially with that foolish person that they're going to join with.

You can see it happening.

And now you know that no one technically should be in a relationship at least till 45,

50,

55,

65.

I mean,

If even for eternity,

Right,

To bind oneself for eternity is really a delusional concept if you think about it really with an enlightened perspective.

Now this concept,

This modern concept of love and pair bonding and relationship is ridiculous only because it doesn't mandate before it that first you embark on a journey with yourself.

Now if it mandated that you first embark on a journey with yourself for the first 20 years and show up as an integrated,

Reparented,

Healed human being,

Now you people who've done your work,

Integrated,

Parented yourself,

You can go and bind yourself for eternity.

Now on the way to that,

Of course you can be in many relationships,

But don't bind yourself to eternity till you have figured out who you are.

And even when you're trying and testing in relationship,

We all know that all of us here on this island are entering relationships to find out about ourselves.

This is the way the world should be set up.

All of you be in relationships on this island to figure out who you are.

The relationships are for growth only.

To figure out through contrast,

Through jarring tension,

Conflict,

Fighting it out,

Your karmic indebtedness to each other,

You're going to figure out who it is you are.

And then when you've done enough work,

Pass through some bridge,

Some challenge,

Then you come on the other island where now you can betrothed yourself for eternity.

Go ahead.

But if you're wise,

If you've done all this work,

You will know that when you arrive on this side,

You don't even need that outcome based finality,

That assurance of future longevity with anyone because you've arrived at a different place of transcendence.

So the way modern love and relationships is set up to fall in love in your twenties,

To be in relationships with one person for the rest of your life in your twenties is just doomed for failure on some level,

Unless the relationship stands the test of growth,

Not of time,

Stands the test of growth.

And this is another delusion,

Right?

We always say we will grow old together.

Again,

Pressure on a relationship to grow old together.

The relationship shouldn't be there to grow old together.

The relationship should be there to grow together,

Just grow,

Not grow old together,

Because then it puts the pressure of the finality of time,

Of the longevity and the succession of years and decades.

And then if you do not grow old together,

You feel lesser than.

So modern love and relationships and this pair bonding we get into,

So-called monogamy,

Is something to seriously think about.

Now in this course,

The first four to five classes,

I will be busting the mindset.

I will be poking holes in the current paradigm,

As I so fondly love to do in all paradigms.

I will do it in the love and relationship paradigm.

And then after five or six weeks,

We will get into the nitty gritty of the actual relationship.

Why we attract our partners,

How we repeat patterns.

What is the inner child?

How do we set up each other's inner child?

How do we communicate?

How do we have boundaries?

So that stuff is,

I know,

Very needed,

But it doesn't interest me as much as the first five weeks of stuff that I will go through with you.

Because here I'm asking you to think and rethink the very premise of the way you've been taught to love and what you think about relationships.

It is already predicated and infected with disease.

Our current paradigm of love and relationships,

Just like I showed with parenting,

Is infected with delusion.

Think about it.

We're supposed to choose partners before we've chosen ourselves.

We're supposed to fall in love before we fall in love with ourselves.

We're supposed to be in relationship with another and create families of relationships with others before we've done so by ourselves.

Earlier the better.

You know why earlier the better,

Society says?

Because they want us to conform into groups of cattle,

Be herded,

Bear the same name.

So there's uniformity and there's order.

There's longevity and there's a succession.

So people know where property and possession and control continue,

How it continues through a lineage.

People are segregated and stratified.

Perfect.

You're in this box,

You're in this box,

You're earlier the better.

Because people know,

The elders know,

That if we wait too long,

Then we get more intelligent and then we begin to question and then we begin to wonder and then we begin to ask,

Why do I even need a relationship?

So before we do that,

Culture makes sure we are malleable to enter into these stratified roles and get burdened into relationships that then keep us contained.

This is how culture decided to create order because without it,

There would be apparently too much pleasure and desire and fun and spontaneity and sharing and communality in a commune-like existence and there would not be hierarchy and linearity.

There would be mutuality and cooperation and too much socialism.

And socialism is not capitalism,

So it cannot work.

Really we are meant to live together.

We are meant to live in tribes,

Large clans on shared land and the mothers who like to mother mother,

The women who like to teach teach,

The men who like to garden garden,

The men who like to go out and be capitalistic and scavenge scavenge and everybody stratified according to their innate capabilities.

And capitalism was only a means to socialism.

That's the way our ancestors lived.

They foraged the earth,

They shared their resources,

They kept each other safe and they transferred land,

Moved on nomadic and they kept themselves all together in a community.

But as we have progressed,

We have moved into greater and greater egoic identifications.

My family,

My name,

My nuclear existence with my two children or five children,

My family and this rigidification,

This narrowing of communal existence has really created the modern plague of anxiety and stress and isolation and great illness,

A mental illness.

We're mentally ill I think as a culture because our ideas of love and relationship are delusional,

Are distorted.

So we're thrust into roles early in our lives from childhood,

Go out,

Make money and turn to a family.

How are we supposed to do this?

Really?

Now when you look back,

You go,

I didn't even know who I was.

And here I was joining with another human being and setting up a family and I didn't even know who it is I was.

So how was I going to be an emotionally regulated person in front of my children when I've never really experienced that in a concerted way before?

How was I going to be a model of emotional strength and resilience when I've literally gone from my parents' house to my next relationship?

So this is so to speak.

So to speak,

Even if you don't do it and you wait a few years because you're so liberated or because you didn't find the right partner,

It doesn't matter.

The trajectory that we have been conditioned with is leave your child at home,

College,

Dabble in capitalism and then begin your own family.

That's the linear trajectory.

So whether you do it or not,

It's always hounding and haunting you,

Hounding on and haunting you because you believe you have to answer to that.

Little realizing that that whole paradigm is infected with disease.

It's meant for order,

Control and an absolute possession of people and spirit.

Spirit is diminished into an identification with a certain name,

Legacy and family.

And so the wandering capacity,

The wanderlust of every spirit to go find itself is curtailed,

Is cut short because that would be too risky because there would be too many free people in the world.

And free people are dangerous to hierarchies and to capitalist industry.

We must have minions.

We must brainwash people so we can subjugate them and control them.

And you and I were raised in this culture of subjugation and control.

So much so that if we did not get married,

It is seen as an anomaly,

Not so much today,

But when we were being raised,

That's the diet we were raised on.

So love became commodified into the success that you have in a relationship.

So then there's a lot of pressure on love.

Love has to equal success in a relationship.

So forget love,

It becomes very quickly success or failure and therefore control and ownership because you're going to tell your partner,

Listen,

I better be successful.

And in order to be successful,

I have to control you.

So there begins the underpinnings and the ingredients of this transactionality because there's a lot of pressure on love.

Love cannot be freedom.

Love cannot be growth and exploration,

Spontaneity and discovery.

No,

It's okay.

You now mirror and bear resonance on my image out in the world and love equals success in a relationship.

So I love you,

But now you're bound to me and I'm bound to you to make this successful.

So there's a lot of pressure then on the couple to make this work.

Now imagine if our entire paradigm was different,

Where we all knew we were living on this island,

Where we're here to test our own character,

To integrate our own selves and to grow each other up.

And we understood that this is the purpose of the relationship and we may have children along the way and we may choose to live in one house or in many houses,

But the whole paradigm would be based on growth,

Not success and failure.

What freedom there would be to explore many partners,

Different people,

Different homes,

Different ways till we figure out who it is we are.

Well,

Too bad we don't live on that island.

We've been told we have to go straight to the other island where we know it all and we pair bond for life,

Right?

And we put a ring on it.

Well,

Unfortunately or fortunately,

What happens with that kind of conditioned,

Absolute marshaling of the mind,

Where the mind is marshaled into that narrow lane,

What happens with that is that we miss the period of deep questioning,

Of seeking,

Of questioning,

That whole period where we were supposed to go on solo journeys,

Solo adventures,

Live in solitude for our entire twenties.

And again,

It's not just living in solitude,

It's having the space and the prerogative,

The privilege and the power to live in solitude where it was marked out as a phase of discovery.

That whole phase was lost on us.

Even if we chose not to get quote unquote married or hitched,

The prerogative was not given to us.

We were not thrust into that period of solitude and journey and quest.

We were told when you're getting married,

When you're getting married,

When you're getting married,

When you're getting married.

So even if we went for a little bit of a solid solo trip,

We were like pulled back into when we're getting married.

There was always an agenda.

And the agenda after 22 is when you're getting married and then when you're having children.

And again,

This is not because culture is so much so evil as it is delusionally asleep and unconscious.

Culture believes this is the right way to do it because culture is in a way working for the masses.

It's not working for each individual soul to blossom and flower and find its unique imprint.

The sculpture is like no time for that.

Everybody en masse.

And what's the prescription for en masse is to create fictional storylines.

So the fictional storyline we're living right now is that you have to go to a good school and you have to be pretty and you have to be pretty according to the Caucasian idea of pretty.

And you have to be skinny according to this current paradigm and you have to be wealthy according to this paradigm.

You have to live like this paradigm and you have to have children according to this paradigm and get married by this age.

And that's the storyline we all are living.

You think this is life.

No,

It's a storyline that we're living.

There are bazillion other storylines we could live.

But the predominant storyline that we're living is this.

I'm reading the book Sapiens.

You should all read this book Sapiens because he just calls it how we've created religions based on fiction to create order and control.

So he said it,

Not me.

Anyway,

So when you realize that the way we've been set up for love and relationships is all fiction,

Is all a mythology,

Is all a story,

Is all a matrix,

Is all a conditioning,

It's all constructed by a very limited mindset,

You begin to wake up and begin to see all around you the five day workweek,

The eight hour day,

The holiday called Saturday,

The holiday called Sunday,

The holiday called Christmas,

The holiday called Hanukkah.

It's all,

I'm sorry,

A story that you can choose to believe,

But it's not in nature.

It's come out of mind.

It's come out of this and we've now attached to it.

Right.

But do we understand that the five day workweek is constructed?

The whole idea of marriage is constructed.

The whole idea of divorce is constructed.

The whole idea of beauty is constructed,

Success,

Wealth,

Achievement,

Right?

This is what I talk about all the time,

All within the matrix,

The bubble.

So is our idea of love and relationship.

So is our idea of obligation,

Of duty,

Of tradition,

Of custom.

It's all something you've just bought into.

You can choose to buy out.

Just as you bought in without your consent,

No one asked you,

Do you want to buy into this cultural paradigm where you have to go to school at this age and have to be successful and feel insecure for the rest of your life because you don't have the fittings for this ideal of beauty.

No one asked us whether we wanted to buy into this.

So don't look for permission to buy out.

Did anyone care to ask you if you bought into this crap?

So you don't need permission to walk out.

Well,

You may come up against your fear and want permission and company.

And I'm just letting you know that it's something fictitious.

You don't need permission from anybody.

The key for you to understand that your freedom lies within you,

Which means your anxiety,

Your depression,

Your fear is also bought into by you.

You've chosen to think certain thoughts,

Which then make you anxious.

Now if you buy into this idea that your kid needs to go to a certain kind of college or your kid needs to get into a certain kind of grades and 90% of us don't have that kid,

You're going to be anxious.

Similarly,

If you bought into the idea that you need to look a certain way,

Well,

Every time you look in the mirror,

You're going to be anxious.

If you bought into the idea that you need to drive a certain car,

Every time you get behind your steering wheel,

You're going to be unhappy.

If you bought into the idea that you need to have this group of friends be married and live in this zip code,

All the accoutrements,

Right?

If you bought into it,

Your mind now is tethered to that condition.

If that condition doesn't get met,

You're upset.

Then you wonder why you're upset so much.

Why you're unhappy so much that we need medication?

Well,

Because you bought into a whole lot of conditions and dammit,

These conditions cannot be met every day.

So every day we're upset.

The Buddha said freedom is to have no views,

Freedom from views,

Freedom from beliefs,

Freedom from the belief.

You need to have beliefs,

Right,

Because when you don't tie into a condition,

When your neurons are not plugged into a condition,

Guess what?

If the condition doesn't get met,

You're cool because you weren't plugged in anyway,

Right?

So you look all around you and everyone is so upset that they're fat or they have a pimple or they have a wrinkle or they're not married or they don't have 10 children or they don't have 10 cars and you're like,

Oh,

I'm not upset because I don't have that condition necessary in my life.

I don't have that X on my,

As a variable.

So I don't understand what you're talking about,

But you can go ahead and be upset.

I see it's very important to you.

Doesn't bother me.

So you have a choice to buy out without permission.

You don't need to wait for somebody to tell you.

Time's up playing your role.

Your role was wonderful.

It served a purpose.

It kept you covered and protected while you were asleep.

But now enough,

Enough playing to another's fiddle,

Keeping another happy,

Lowering your vibration so others around you are comfortable being loyal to your loved ones because they've been in your life for so long,

Right?

Staying stagnant because of familiarity,

Comfort,

Enough.

Now we've lived half of our lives,

Most of us,

Doing it that way.

Any more happier because we're more safer,

More richer,

More wealthier,

More whatever.

Or is your life less spontaneous,

Less joyful,

More burdensome,

More under debt,

Right?

So when do we say,

I'm not playing by the rules.

I did that.

I checked it off,

But now I'm going to burst free.

I'm going to take a risk.

Maybe I'll go live in a shelter if I have to,

Because the worst comes to us.

It's always our fear.

We're going to be homeless.

Okay,

I'll try living homeless a couple of years.

Whatever it is,

It is time to now say that the price for safety,

The price we're paying for comfort,

For obedience,

For loyalty,

Custom tradition,

The price for that is now one,

You don't want to pay.

When you reach that place,

You will make different choices.

You will be willing to go,

I don't want to see the world the way I was told to see it.

I don't want to see this one life with the lenses that everyone else is.

I want to be me.

I want to see the world as I wish to see it.

Anyway,

It's a construction.

Let me then construct my own reality.

And then of course in wisdom you construct it based on nature,

Actual nature.

And the problem with love,

Right?

The biggest foolhardy delusion we have ingested and imbibed is that love is a doing.

Love is a verb.

Love is a relationship.

Love is a thing that you fall into.

Love is found within the relationship with another.

All these are complete delusions.

And that's why we're always unhappy in a relationship.

We're always somehow looking with the friend,

There's some beef with the cousin,

There's a beef with the,

And that's natural.

Of course,

Personalities will jar and jag,

But we have deep expectations about love that don't get met.

The reason we have deep expectations is because we are following these mythologies about love,

That it's external,

It's a verb,

It's found in a relationship,

It's found on the outside.

It's only in this kind of partnership.

Have you found love,

People say.

Have you fallen in love,

Right?

It's a verb.

You fall in love in a relationship.

Have you found love like it's to be found on the outside?

Those are the stupid ideas that we've imbibed our head with as fairy tales and fantasies of Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and whatever,

Rumpelstiltskin or whoever.

All these ridiculous fairy tales that actually,

If you go back and read the fairy tales in their true version,

They're not what Disney has made them to be.

I did a talk,

I think it was at Wisdom 2.

0 where I talked about the real fairy tale because I did some research on the real fairy tales.

It's the apex of it,

Pinnacle of it.

So Disney has whitewashed it and whitewashed it,

Made it literally white and made women passive and weak and men valiant and strong.

You know the drill.

We're raised like that.

So we are just waiting to fall into love and then love will sweep us away.

Whether you like it or not,

We have this idea.

We want to be pursued,

Not because there's a natural biological pursue or pray instinct in us,

But we want to be pursued like the men on the white horse,

Again white horse,

Will come and save us and swoop us up and we will be just waiting and picking sunflowers in a field.

Right?

So these ideas have deeply been ingrained in us that it's something that we're going to fall into.

We are passive with some happen.

It's going to sweep us off our feet and then it's going to meet all our needs.

And this person is going to be a perfect soulmate and your mirror and your partner and your oh my goodness.

All this is the machinery,

The bullshit machinery of love,

Which we've fallen into.

And it is all a delusion.

It sets us up for failure and unhappiness.

Right?

So what does it need to be replaced with?

It needs to be replaced with the first fundamental principle that love is not a verb.

It's not a doing.

It's nothing to be found on the outside.

It is a complete and utter and whole and total and resplendent and brilliant state of being.

It is your state of being.

And of course none of us will ever get there,

But it is the aspiration to be love and then radiate with that love.

Right?

This is the law of attraction.

What you radiate with will find its vibrational match in the universe.

But if you're falling in love,

Looking for love means you don't have the love.

So you're in non-love.

How can non-love find love?

Non-love vibration will find non-love vibration.

Simple.

And missing,

Craving,

Needy love,

Needy looking for please fill me up kind of energy will find exactly that energy in the other person.

And then you'd be like,

My goodness,

They're so needy.

You were needy too.

Just maybe in a different way.

Right?

So love is a state of being.

So if you are looking for the other to love you,

Technically you have to ask,

Am I in a state of love?

And then if the other person and your vibration constantly jaws that you get out of a state of love,

You then get to make a choice.

You then ask,

Is my leaving the vibration of love because I have triggers and childhood wounds that I need to work on in the relationship?

Or am I being triggered out of love because my lesson to learn here is to leave this relationship and you will make that choice as you become conscious.

But the vibration of love is where we need to keep moving toward looking at elevating within ourselves.

So technically love cannot be lost.

Technically love cannot be found.

Technically love cannot be sought,

Discovered.

Love cannot be bought,

Cannot be sold,

Cannot be forgotten,

Cannot be broken,

Cannot be abandoned,

Cannot be betrayed,

Cannot be splintered,

Cannot be integrated.

None of it.

It's not on the outside.

Therefore nothing can happen to love if it's yours,

But because it's not ours,

It's always up for heartbreak,

Betrayal,

Hurt.

It is nobody's job to love you.

Nobody's.

And it's really hard in a relationship to say I'm hurt,

But it's not your job to fix me.

I'm hurt.

I want to tell you I'm hurt.

I want to tell you a freaking bloody asshole,

But you're prerogative.

It's not your job to fix me.

It's my job to decide,

Do I need to stay here or do I need to leave?

And my inability to make this damn choice,

Dammit,

You're making me make these grownup choices is pissing me off.

And I don't like you right now.

And I don't want to make those choices.

I'm going to keep blaming you and go to therapy and talk about you.

How narcissistic you are,

How selfish you are,

How self-absorbed you are.

Right?

And you know,

If you've come to me for therapy about your couple,

I don't have much patience because at the end of the day,

Either we work on you or we work on you.

We work on you to stay or we work on you to leave.

And which way,

Which way do we want to go,

But we got to work on you.

So it's hard for people because I don't go to the other.

There's no other.

There's no other.

Okay.

He's narcissistic.

Now what?

Okay.

She's lazy.

Now what?

Now what?

Do we work on you to stay here or do we work on you to leave?

Ultimately,

That's the only two choices,

Right?

And those are painful adult choices and we don't want to make them.

So how do we stay in our state of love?

This is the transcendental journey that we have to choose to be on.

It is the most freeing journey,

But it is a dissociative feeling journey.

You feel dissociated.

You're like,

Hmm,

I can't ask for love.

I can't blame the other person for not loving me.

I have to do this all myself.

What?

How much can I really love myself?

Right?

I used to ask myself like,

Really?

I have to love myself more.

I have to love myself again.

I have to go inside more,

More,

More,

More.

I'm bored with myself.

I want somebody else to do the work.

I want them to love me.

So the transcendental journey to high love,

To divine love is something that you have to embark on so monumentally,

So committedly.

And yes,

It will feel dissociated because you begin to realize that you have to cultivate this within yourself,

Where you feel connected to your universe.

You are,

I said in one of the evolves,

Last evolves,

Is speck on the mote of a sunbeam.

You are that particle.

And if you have lost touch with your essence as a speck on the mote of a sunbeam,

As pristine,

Precise,

But irrelevant,

Especially unique and completely redundant.

If you don't understand that about you,

That you are so unique and radiant and bejeweled,

But you're really just a grain of sand.

If you don't understand that about your nature and don't spend your entire life contemplating that,

Because that is your true nature,

Not to be a professor or a scientist or a gardener,

That is part of your form in this lifetime.

Dibble,

Dabble,

Dibble,

Dabble,

Move on.

This lifetime I'm teaching you,

Next lifetime I'll be cleaning cow manure in a pasture.

Same,

Same thing,

Different destiny,

Different purpose,

Different,

But same thing,

Same,

Different manifestation,

Same translation of formless to form.

All of us are being translated from formless to form in this dimension.

It doesn't matter what you do.

It doesn't matter.

That's your translation in this lifetime.

No one is better.

No one is worse.

Everyone is doing exactly what they're meant to do in this lifetime for their formlessness to transfer,

Translate into form.

Their formlessness vibrates at that level.

Their form will vibrate at that level.

If their formlessness vibrates at another level,

I can't even call it low,

It's just another level,

It will manifest in form-based decisions and radiations at that level.

It's where your formlessness vibrates that your form shows up.

Form follows formlessness.

Think about it.

You first fall in love,

Right,

In the old paradigm,

But love in that old paradigm also has some formless energy.

We are not yet in touch with how conditional we are,

How agendified we are.

We pretend we are in love,

Right?

I love,

Love,

I love you,

I love you.

Okay,

So it's got formless energy.

Then,

Right after formlessness comes form.

So form always follows formlessness.

A child feels creative.

They start to sing.

The mother says,

Let's put it in words.

Let's make a song.

Form follows formlessness,

Right?

People in the old days,

Maybe,

They used to pray or worship the sun.

Soon somebody said,

Let's create a chant,

Let's create a prayer,

Let's write it down,

Let's make a book,

Let's call it a holy book,

Right?

Form began to follow formlessness.

Everything begins with formlessness,

With the instinct to love,

With the instinct for creativity,

With the instinct for passion.

And then very quickly,

Because we are in a body,

We put a form to it,

Right?

Everything beautiful that started out,

Our children wanted to discover learning,

We put form into it and made it education.

Our ancestors,

Ancestors,

Ancestors,

Ancestors wanted to just worship the elements of the sun and the moon.

We put form into it.

Not only we put form into it,

We put a white man onto it,

Right?

Real form.

In India,

We put thousand arms,

We put an elephant,

We put a monkey.

In India,

We play with the form,

But it's all form,

You know?

And don't please get upset with me because I like to make fun of all of us and laugh at all of us.

All of us.

So form always follows formlessness,

Right?

People were just worshiping nature and trees,

We put form.

Children were just learning and curious,

We put form,

Right?

I just wanted to love you,

Now I have to marry you,

Right?

I just wanted to take care of some plants,

Some animals and some children.

Oh my goodness,

Now I have to raise them,

I have to take care of them,

I have to send them to school,

I have to live in a nuclear family,

You know my drift.

So formlessness is the first spark of life.

But because we live in a form-based world,

Bam,

We put form onto it,

We put a box onto it,

We put a label,

And we put a noose around our necks.

All the people in that box have that color noose.

Those people in that box have that color noose.

And we hop from box to box to box.

Or we're in this box,

You're in that box.

I can't come to that box because I've been raised in this box.

I can't even look at your box because it's unholy,

It's not secret.

Can't even look at your box.

I mean,

Come on,

Right?

Look at our ridiculous boxes.

We're all one.

We all come from the same cosmos.

We are all the same energy,

Matter.

And we're all specks on the motor of a sunbeam pretending we're the sun.

So when we understand our essence is really just energy in form,

We'll stop thinking we are male,

Female,

Even though that is still our energy at the most elemental level at least.

We'll stop thinking of ourselves as Hindu and Muslim,

As pretty and ugly,

As successful and as failures,

As married,

As unmarried.

All these titles will be seen for what they are.

Constructions.

Constructions in the modern era that we've bought into and we put valence into.

So no harm in having it.

We live in the world.

But unless we understand our true nature,

And I keep putting it like that because it's like us and the universe,

Right,

But it's everywhere.

If we don't cultivate our essence as divine that it is,

And we don't cultivate that,

How are we going to be love?

How are we going to stay in that state of love?

But if we don't believe that's our job,

Why would we even do it?

But imagine if we had been raised with the impetus that you find love within yourself.

So the other day my daughter was really upset because two of her friends didn't believe her and they thought she was lying.

And she goes,

I'm not lying.

Yes,

You're lying.

I'm not lying.

Yes,

You're lying.

And she was very depressed,

All sad.

And all I said to her was,

You know who you are.

You know if you told the truth or not,

Because I'm not so sure whether she told the truth.

But I said,

You know?

So do you know?

Yes,

I told the truth.

Okay.

Do you know who you are?

Yes,

I know what I did and who I am.

I go,

End of story.

Nobody owns you.

Nobody owns your power.

So you want to give them your power or you want to keep your power?

Choose.

Right?

But don't go back and forth.

I'm not a liar.

I'm not a liar.

I'm not a liar.

Do you like me?

Do you love me?

Am I pretty?

Am I thin?

No.

So I told her,

I said,

No.

Love them.

Release them.

You will not prove yourself to anybody.

You are who you are.

You are selfish.

Like me.

Don't like me.

Your choice.

And I said,

Your friends have every right to think you're a liar,

Maya.

Why are you killing them and so upset with them?

Maybe in their point of view,

You're a damn liar.

No problem.

They have a right.

You own you.

They own them.

So what I'm saying by this is that we have to first be intimate with ourselves.

And we can be hurt by other people and we can feel betrayed,

But we have to understand only our ego has been hurt.

Our ideas have been violated.

Our agenda didn't get met.

Our expectations were unfulfilled.

That's what's getting pricked because our essence,

Our relationship as the speck on the mote of the sunbeam is indomitable,

Impenetrable.

Nobody can touch that.

That's me and my relationship with me.

I'm a divine being.

So most of us do not believe we're divine beings.

That we are a being worthy of full love and that the being within us and the relationship we have with us is worthy and capable and fully able to love us back and that we can feel complete and whole in this relationship.

I mean,

It's unfathomable to us that we can be our best company.

We are alien to ourselves.

We want to fill ourselves constantly with things.

So in my own life,

When I want to go out and I'm hungry and I want somebody to see me and love me,

I now have practiced enough to go come back,

Love yourself.

You're not loving yourself.

You're not processed yourself,

Right?

You haven't finished processing what you need to process within yourself.

Come back here.

Connect to yourself.

You are full.

You are abundant in your formlessness.

Now in the form,

All of us are going to feel lack,

Right?

A pimple,

A wrinkle,

Lack of money,

Cellulite.

All right.

But understand that lack is coming because we bought into the paradigm that we shouldn't have cellulite because we shouldn't have pimples.

So as long as we bought into it,

There's going to be a certain level of lack.

Okay,

That's expected.

See it in the prism that it needs to be contained within.

Don't let it confabulate and catastrophize into the whole of your essence.

One pinky can be devoted to the form based anxieties of this world.

All the other fours are about you and your relationship to yourself.

And when you feed that,

You then release others from feeding you.

Then you enter and engage with bounty,

No?

And then you can say,

I'm sorry to other people.

And then you can say,

I see why you're hurt.

And then you can say,

I separated from my love.

Now I'm returning to love.

You understand that any betrayal that you perceive,

Any hurt or vendetta that you may want to impinge on another or anything that you may feel is because your form based hurts have taken over your formlessness.

You have forgotten your formlessness in that moment.

When we are depressed or when we are anxious to the point of paralysis or to the point of stupor,

It's because the form based anxieties,

The pinky became all five.

Oops,

You forgot.

It was only supposed to be a pinky.

You forgot it was only one little prism.

You made it the whole cosmos.

In the pinky,

Of course,

Get upset,

Get angry,

Say fuck,

Tell somebody they're assholes.

All right,

Because your agenda wasn't met.

Your ego based expectations weren't met.

Your paradigm conditionings were jolted.

Right?

So even when one in a relationship cheats on the other,

I go,

Yeah,

Because you're living in the conditioned reality of monogamy.

So if you're in the conditioned reality of monogamy,

Of course it's going to hurt.

But imagine if you didn't have the conditioned reality of monogamy,

Then there would not be any such thing as cheating.

It would be called exploration.

It would be called,

I want to have some fun on the town.

But because you're living in the little pinky,

Little box that we all live in called monogamy,

Marriage,

Pair bonding,

Loyalty,

All that,

All that pressure.

My goodness,

You cannot like look anywhere.

Everything is a sacrilege.

Everything is a blasphemy.

Right?

A C grade is a damn blasphemy.

Damn it.

You can't even get a C grade now because you're dumb,

You're idiotic,

You're moronic,

You've ruined your future.

What the hell?

It's like life has become so rigid.

I don't want to live here.

I can't live here.

I'm going to break every covenant here.

It's like impossible to live here.

Right?

So I've chosen to leave to whatever extents I can leave.

Right?

Do I still put lipstick and comb my hair?

Sure.

But if I didn't have it,

Would I die?

No.

So how do you develop transcendent love?

You develop it when you understand,

Which is what I'm laying the foundation for,

That the current paradigms of love and relationship in the modern era are frankly idiotic.

Also toxic,

Delusional,

Highly binding,

Restricted,

Myopic,

Limiting,

And stress inducing,

Paralysis inducing,

Fear inducing.

Right?

Now imagine if you come from a family where there's no pressure to belong to the family in any particular way,

Because the family is not attached to it being a family in the way that we are attached to families being family.

Now the family hierarchical elders will say,

Well,

Then there won't be a family.

So if the family members leave the family,

Isn't that what they wanted to do?

And that we shouldn't keep people in a relationship or a family simply because they're family out of obligation and martyrdom and fear and duty.

If love is yours,

It's not going anywhere.

If your children are yours,

Yours meaning bound to you through this energetic vibrational connection,

They're not going anywhere.

They'll come back.

I tell everyone,

Don't worry,

Your kids leave you at around 13,

14,

They go to Mars,

Some other feral planet,

Aliens abduct them.

They'll come back when they have children and they need you.

They'll be at your feet begging you to come back into their lives.

But understand that Martians are going to abduct them for a bit if your kid is mainstream.

So what's yours can never be lost.

Your heart actually,

Actually,

Actually can never be broken.

Only the heart in this conditioned reality,

This little heart,

The small heart can be broken.

The big heart can never be broken because the person who leaves you technically wasn't yours.

Wasn't energetically vibrationally yours.

So release is the order of the day.

Release is the real marriage.

The real marriage should be called release.

I release you,

I release you,

I release you.

But instead what we're doing is the opposite.

Come buy into me,

Buy into me,

Forcibly.

We're contractually obligated to each other.

You child,

You belong to me.

You belong to my family.

I mean,

Insanity,

The opposite needs to be true.

At birth,

You are released.

You're released.

You're released.

And then when we grow up and we fall in love,

The love should be released.

Release forms.

I love you so much,

I release you.

And then that person,

No,

But I love you,

I want to stay with you.

But you're like,

Okay,

But you're released.

So you're only staying with me out of release.

Not out of possession,

Not out of obligation.

Are you here with me today because you're released?

Are you coming to me free?

Are you coming to me tethered,

Chained because you have to,

Because you are dependent on me because of money,

Or you're dependent on me for your reputation or for your image?

Most of us have people in our lives because they depend on us,

They need us,

They're attached to us.

We give them image,

We give them reputation,

We give them solace,

We give them comfort.

They do not come to us out of freedom.

Very few people are free to come to another in freedom.

All of us come with gimme,

Gimme,

Gimme,

Gimme,

Gimme,

Gimme.

And that's why to cultivate a relationship not based on need,

Where there's no transaction.

I don't need your money.

I don't need your comfort.

I don't need your protection.

I don't need your adoration.

I love it.

I don't need it.

That's when two whole people who have mastered the form-based world,

So they're not dependent financially,

They're not dependent on shelter,

Protection,

You know,

To some degree,

They have come full to the other.

So person who has mastered themselves in the form-based world to a relative degree,

Where they have stood on their own two feet in this world to a relative degree,

And then mastered the formless world come together.

Now they're coming in release.

Right,

I come to you,

My marriage to you is a commitment of release.

I release you.

And the other person goes,

No,

No,

I release you.

Now we're together in release.

You see what I mean?

But guess why we have to marry?

Why do you think we're legally bound to each other?

Why do you think we have one family name with four people in it?

To keep it ever chained,

Right?

Why do we need to legalize a love bond to ensure that we take care of the children and to ensure we take care of each other?

Isn't that sad?

That we need law and society to keep us bound to each other.

That's not freedom.

So it can only be achieved though,

This freedom,

When you become whole,

Meaning you are your greatest lover.

You are your best friend.

Like you sit in your patio with a glass of wine,

If you need to,

Or a glass of tea,

With yourself.

When you can look at nature and you are so unutterably in awe that no company can match you and the sky.

When you arrive at that level of bliss,

When you are writing your poetry or writing your words or you're expressing yourself,

Even though it's not rhapsodic or melodic or rhythmic,

But it's just you and your expression and you feel one,

You're in flow,

Then you've reached that level of wholeness.

Where you as an entity are full.

When you have good news,

When you have good news and you don't need to run to tell anybody,

Then you're full.

Right?

I once told somebody,

She was like,

I was trying to call all my friends and no one was answering.

And you needed to share your good news,

Didn't you?

And she's like,

Oh,

Hello,

What do you do with good news if you don't share it,

Post it,

Paste it,

Plaster it.

I said,

You share good news with yourself.

Sit with yourself in the good news.

Relish the good news on your own.

You need to be your greatest medal giver,

Your greatest compliment giver.

The praise that you want needs to come from you.

That you sit with yourself with a smile on your face and you go,

Wow,

I just did that.

And then as an afterthought,

You go,

Let me tell this one.

When you understand the power of your divinity,

You're not succumbing to somebody else's divinity.

You don't need them to say you're beautiful.

You are beautiful,

But see,

We don't fathom this relationship because we are not raised like this to be whole within the self.

But imagine if for years and years and years we cultivated this self love,

Not self absorption,

Self love,

True love of ourselves as a piece of this universe and as insignificant as a grain of sand,

Then we see everybody's place in the universe as a grain of sand and we're all on the same ocean,

No one greater,

No one lesser than,

And then we're connected.

Then we truly have nonviolence.

Then we truly have true divinity that the churches and synagogues and mosques preach about,

But none can achieve because they can never achieve it because it is based on separation.

Marriage is based on separation.

It can never be a union.

Children,

Our parenting is based on separation,

The old paradigm.

It can never be connection.

Our relationship with ourselves is based on separation because it's based on our labels,

Our name,

Our identity,

Our profession.

It can never be true union.

All begins by separation.

The end of violence is the end of separation,

End of duality.

Okay people,

Good night.

Go be with yourself.

Bye everyone.

Reviews

Thank you Dr Shefali! Your talk was very box breaking and freeing. So grateful to see you here at insight timer. ❤🙏