Hi,
I'm Dr.
Janice Webb,
Clinical psychologist.
Welcome to my video on emotional neglect.
So in this video I'm going to talk about what so many therapists don't know about childhood emotional neglect and treating it.
And why it's so difficult to find one who really does get it.
So in just a minute I'm going to give you access to a free list of over 800 therapists located all over the world.
Who are very aware and up on the area of childhood emotional neglect.
Many of them have even had deep training on the subject.
And some of them actually do online therapy as well,
Or Zoom therapy.
But the first thing I want to talk about is why it actually is.
Why is it so hard to find a therapist who really understands this concept?
I get messages all the time,
Like multiple messages every day from people who are really struggling to find a good childhood emotional neglect or CEN.
Therapist.
And I really understand it really is tough to find one.
But it is getting easier.
And it makes it really much more important because It's really hard for therapists to understand this true concept unless they've actually been trained in it or made a point to learn about it.
If you ask virtually any therapist,
Do you understand childhood emotional neglect,
They will say yes.
And they're absolutely correct,
They do.
They understand the general concept like childhood emotional neglect.
Any therapist will define it as growing up.
With parents or caretakers who aren't actually paying enough attention to the child emotionally.
So that is pretty much known.
By all therapists.
But there are some very important pieces missing from that kind of generic explanation.
I'm going to go over just a few of those and I'm going to explain to you why those matter and just in a few minutes I'll give you that list.
So the first thing that's missing.
That basically.
.
.
The understanding of how it affects a child.
To grow up in a household in which their feelings are under or unattended to.
And exactly what that experience is like for the child.
And the regular drumbeat of messages that the child receives about their own feelings.
And whether their feelings are important or matter.
Many therapists don't think about it to that point that they really truly grasp that.
Or C,
The outcome of that in their client's adult lives because it really does affect people's adult lives to grow up this way.
It affects how you treat your feelings.
It affects how you view your feelings.
And really,
Since your feelings are a reflection of your deepest self,
It is a way of ignoring and mistreating and neglecting your inner self as an adult and this leads to a number of particular specific struggles that people have once they grow up.
What's also missing is how it affects a child who goes to their parents looking for emotional validation,
Emotional attention,
Emotional care,
And all children do go to their parents for these things.
Because.
.
.
They are simply children.
And if you think you didn't because you don't remember it,
Very much insist that you did,
You did it automatically because you're a human being and human beings are wired to need these specific things from their parents.
Also missing from that generic understanding of childhood emotional neglect.
The understanding of how to heal it.
And how to actually walk a client through the five stages of healing.
And many clients don't even know that there are five stages of healing childhood emotional neglect.
So these are.
.
.
Very important.
Things that if you grew up with emotional neglect you want and need your therapist to truly understand.
If you end up with a therapist who doesn't,
It doesn't mean they can't help you,
Not at all.
But it might be frustrating when you try to talk with them about this and they don't get it.
So there are some very specific things that you need from your therapist if you have childhood emotional neglect and a few of those are first You need your therapist to do the opposite of what your parents did and the area of emotion.
You need your therapist to Sit with you.
When you're having a feeling.
To really require you to sit with a feeling because this is teaching you how to do this very important emotion skill.
And you need them to validate your feelings.
And teach you how to validate your own feelings as well.
You need them to educate you about the emotion skills.
To teach you about how emotions work.
And teach you the skills of how to deal with your own feelings and how to manage your feelings.
For example,
CEN people also need to feel seen on an emotional level because this is something that they missed out on in childhood.
They were not able to feel like their parents truly saw them and got them.
On an emotional level.
And this is a very important thing for children to feel from their parents.
Seen,
Known,
And understood on an emotional level.
And therapists can provide this.
Simply by what I was just describing.
Sitting with you when you're having a feeling.
Helping you explore what you're feeling.
Not thinking,
But feeling on a feeling level.
Many therapists end up working way too much in people's heads and missing out the emotional part which is such an important part for people who grew up without that.
Um.
.
.
So people with CEN need their therapist to help them recognize when they're having a feeling.
Which is not easy for people who grow up with childhood emotional neglect because you were taught to ignore your feelings and you really do.
Have to be taught this as an adult.
Or to teach yourself.
But if you have a therapist who understands how to do this and why it matters,
It makes a very big difference.
And also not just to recognize that you're having a feeling,
But to be able to label what that feeling is,
Which certainly growing up in an emotionally neglectful household,
You don't get to learn.
Understanding how exactly how emotional neglect happened to you in your specific unique childhood home is also very important.
And having a therapist who is able to help you explore that,
Point out what was missing,
Which is so difficult to see in the picture of your childhood,
Is a special skill.
You also need your therapist to be able to reflect back to you.
What you're like,
Who you are on a deep level as a person.
Like you have a great sense of humor.
Sometimes you use humor to avoid feelings.
You struggle with empathy for example,
Or you maybe you have too much compassion and too much empathy for other people Reflecting back to you,
Maybe you ignore yourself too much.
I see that you put other people ahead of yourself.
These are all classics.
Childhood emotional neglect,
Struggles and symptoms,
And having a therapist who can see those things and point them out for you is extremely helpful.
Basically you can benefit so much from a therapist who really gets it and understands,
Knows the five stages of healing and can walk you through them.
The great news is that I have been hard at work for the last 10 years training as many therapists as I can about how to identify and treat childhood emotional neglect and I have a list on my website of over 800 therapists all over the world who have either at the very least,
Read both of my books.
Who have taken a training in childhood emotional neglect from me.
Either my two-hour course or my 12-hour course and you can tell on the list how much training each therapist has received.
And also they're listed by location and whether or not they do online therapy.
So this list is very.
.
.
Valuable for you if you're looking for a therapist and you grew up with childhood emotional neglect.
You can find it on my website if you go to the Help tab and click the dropdown.
There it is listed right there,
And just click on it.
Find your state or country.
And look and see who's around you.
So please let me know in the comments whether you feel like this was helpful.
And what you thought about everything I described.
Share your frustrations if you've had trouble finding a therapist.
And I hope you got a lot out of this video.
And in my next video,
I'm going to give you 10 valuable and powerful affirmations that you can use to reparent yourself if you grew up with childhood emotional neglect.
Thanks so much for watching and I'll see you next time.
