My chest hurt.
I'd never realized how cold and uncomfortable the vinyl seats in this car were.
And I felt utterly alone.
This was perhaps the first time in my life experiencing complete loss.
Most shocking was the feeling of not knowing where to go or what to do.
Immediate and oppressive depression filled my mind.
The cold rain pelting on top of the car didn't help any either.
I was surprised.
We got along so well and I was positive I read the situation correctly.
She liked me.
She told me she liked me.
So why did she read the situation correctly?
It took a lot of time and effort for me to get to the point where I was ready and able to commit to a serious relationship.
Finally,
The time was right.
I approached her with confidence,
Excitement and optimism.
For crying out loud we had talked about this.
From the moment I broached the topic,
I could tell something was amiss.
She looked away.
She started apologizing.
She talked about how she had been going through a hard time.
She was confused and the problem was her.
It wasn't me.
And when I pushed her she said,
I'm not ready for this relationship right now.
That phrase felt nuclear.
A bomb dropped on my heart,
But it didn't vaporize me immediately.
That would have been a mercy.
No,
It was a slow napalm roiling through my insides.
As I slowly stood and staggered out of the room,
She cried for me to come back.
She still wanted to be friends.
I don't remember how I got to the car,
But I was wet,
Cold,
Numb and empty.
My world had come to an end.
In that moment,
I couldn't see how I could continue.
Many of us have similar stories,
Rejection,
Scorned love,
Relationships that did not work.
These stories and experiences bring such pain.
The devastation often feels like the most intense feeling,
Like there's nothing left for us.
My story was only a broken heart,
But for me,
It felt like the end of my world.
And since that day,
I've had other experiences,
Many worse,
But the pain I felt that day was so intense.
When I take a step back and look at it literally,
I realize that I'll only ever experience one moment that is the end of my world.
And though these other life experiences may be horrible and painful,
I've made it through.
I persisted,
As all of us do who exist together right now.
My human spirit continued in the face of the pain,
Hurt,
Disappointment and evil.
And I understand that persistence doesn't negate the suffering we experience,
But it does get us through.
I have come through and I will again and again until the end.
And the experience of coming through has allowed me to face the sufferings and disappointments with a gritty determination.
So how about you?
Do you find yourself facing a situation that feels like the end of the world?
Are you losing your will to continue persist in the face of overwhelming odds?
Are you oppressed by a sense of failure,
Doubt,
Depression or worthlessness?
If so,
Be reminded of the power of the human spirit to persist.
Remember that you are not alone in this.
Countless others have faced similar situations and have come through with gritty determination.
Unless the struggle is your last,
You will make it through.
You are resilient.
And one day you'll open your eyes,
Realizing that you are on the other side.
And in that place,
You'll find yourself relishing the peace and freedom you deserve.
