Finding Peace In The Midst Of Conflict

In this talk, Clay tells the story of a contentious relationship. He offers ideas for peace in the midst of conflict. Clay encourages us to find a middle ground, see through each other's eyes, and embrace our shared humanity.

Transcript

I once had a friend who drove me crazy. Whenever we got together, We were like oil and water. I really liked him, But man he could get my blood going. Things would generally start out well. We'd decide to meet up, Grab a bite to eat, And catch up on each other's lives. We'd swap stories and make small talk. But inevitably, Conversation would find its way to a hot-button topic. You know, Religion, Politics, Movies, Books, Pop culture, You name it. We'd certainly find a way to take opposite sides. Now I can generally handle myself fine in a conversation and don't mind a friendly banter every now and again. But this guy was so smart. He often caused me to doubt my own opinions, Even when I felt like I had a good argument and strong position on a topic. His awesome intellect and persuasive prose didn't generally win me over, But instead would cause me more frustration as I worked to free myself from the linguistic knots he tied me up with. The first few times we got into these debates, I spent days afterwards talking through the issues and researching different angles to better prove my point. Then we'd meet up again and I'd have fresh ammo with my new data. Only I'd find that he also had new data that trumped my data and the cycle would start all over again. Does that sound exhausting? Because it was. And it was immature and unnecessary. At that time, I was in college with something to prove and looking for respect from my brilliant friend. At the end of the day when I considered that contentious relationship, I questioned the point because I often left our encounters irritated and agitated. Why would I continue pursuing this friendship? After some serious introspection, I realized the answer was in the question. I would continue pursuing this friendship because we were friends. Because we cared for each other beyond the superficial disagreements. We had dedicated time to each other's lives, Helped each other in various ways like moving into new apartments and offering support when we were struggling through big tests or when we were dealing with issues in relationships or faith. But most importantly, We knew each other as humans, As people, Who hurt and loved, Had dreams and hopes, Fears and insecurities. We ultimately had more in common than not. And beyond the disagreements about which actor should have won an Oscar or which band was the next big thing, We had understanding and love for each other. We were fellow humans trying to navigate this crazy thing called life with all of its pitfalls, Snares and traps, And also all of its wondrous beauty and magic. And I'm happy to report that over the years, I've maintained a great relationship with this friend. I didn't give up on him and I'm thankful that he didn't give up on me. He's one of my favorite people. We've also mellowed out and matured. No longer do we constantly engage in pointless banter. On the contrary, We often find middle ground. And I realize now that that middle ground was always there. I was just too busy forming my own arguments to listen long enough to find it. Into an experience to open my eyes wide enough to see through his eyes. I realized that there were and are good reasons why he sees things differently than I do. So now when I look around in this oft contentious culture, I sometimes see my younger self in people trying to prove a point and looking for respect. And something I wish someone would have told me that would have saved me many restless nights is that it's important to listen. It's important to take a little time to think and see issues from the other side. The other side may be wrong, But there's always more to the story than you see. There are reasons for their beliefs. And understanding those reasons will better allow you to realize the most important point. That those are people on the other side. Humans, With which you shared 99. 9% of your DNA. We should be able to find common ground. So if I have a prayer for this nation and this world, It's that we'd grow up and learn to meet each other where we're at, Finding middle ground. And that we'd work to see through each other's eyes to understand and appreciate the nuance of thought and opinion that defines each of us. We are complex beings and this life is not easy. So let's not act as if there is a one size fits all approach. We similarly, But uniquely carry baggage, Scars, Pains from our past and continuing to attack and hurt won't win over a damaged soul. However, Understanding, Love and compassion may be a bomb for the broken hearted. And my prayer is that we'd embrace the shared humanity in each other, Treating each other as partners and fellow participants in this life and see each other as valued and infinitely important and special individuals. If we commit to this path of growth, Improvement and love, My hope is that as a culture, As a society, As a world, We'd find the peace and freedom we deserve.

Reviews

Well said!! Agreed. I have such a friend except she would go out of her way to find fault & put me down so I had to re-evaluate my boundaries & decide what/what not to share plus keep some distance. Finding common ground & being less reactive has really helped. Thank-you for this insightful talk.

This was right on point in my life thank you 😊