A Boundary Pep Talk

Boundaries aren't rules you set for other people, they're the actions you take to protect your own peace. In this pep talk, therapist Brooke James reframes what it really means to set a boundary: staying on your side of the fence, tolerating the discomfort that comes with it, and creating space where you can love people from a place of capacity rather than resentment. Boundaries are hard. They're also how you find your way back to yourself.

Transcript

Hi, My name is Brooke James and I am a marriage and family therapist. Here is your boundary pep talk. Boundaries are the difference between what is okay with you and what is not okay with you. A boundary is decided based on what you can do, Not based on what others can and cannot do. Boundaries are your actions, Not your words. Boundaries are actions you take that reinforce your words. Boundaries are not made when you assess the surroundings and see what is okay with everyone else. Boundaries do not reach across the fence to try and control what is not yours to control. Boundaries will be difficult. Boundaries will ask you to hesitate. Boundaries will ask you to tolerate discomfort. Boundaries will ask you to stay on your side of the fence. Boundaries are your way of creating a designated space where you can love people the way you are capable of loving them. Boundaries do not reach outside of your capabilities. Boundaries are not resentful. Boundaries are assertive. Boundaries are anticipatory. Boundaries are for your circumstances. Boundaries are not just for others. Boundaries will test your ability to confront others and confront yourself. Boundaries are allowed to change. Boundaries are for your protection. Boundaries can release you. Boundaries can set you free. Boundaries are necessary. Boundaries will bring you home.