How To Deal With Difficult People

In our life we have to communicate with so many people. sometimes it's not easy to deal with them. It's very important to understand about them. So, This talk will help you to think differently about difficult people.

Transcript

Good morning everyone.

How are you this morning?

I'm doing well and thank you so much for coming.

It is so happy to see you all.

I think this is my first Saturday talk in this year because Mantya Sujata used to do all the Saturday talks.

Finally,

I have that opportunity.

So thank you so much for coming.

Today I was thinking about two ideas because I had two topics I was thinking about.

I'm going to talk with you.

One topic about difficult people,

Other topic about being energetic and mindful.

I did talk last Wednesday.

So what do you want to learn?

What do you want to learn?

Any thoughts?

Anything?

Difficult people?

Yeah.

Okay,

Let's talk about difficult people.

Because why I was thinking maybe we need that idea every time.

Every day we have to think about difficult people.

So one time I was doing a meditation program at MCC with the young students.

So after doing loving kindness meditation,

We had a little conversation.

And all the young people,

They told me,

We really enjoy meditation,

We really love it,

We learn so many things.

But in the same time they told me,

Mantya,

It is so hard to focus on difficult people.

So what do you think about when you practice loving kindness meditation?

Maybe you are experiencing same.

I'm just thinking,

Do you experience the same?

When you think about your difficult people?

Is it easy or hard?

It's different.

Yeah,

It is different.

So yeah,

Most people telling us it is not easy to focus about our difficult people.

Personally,

I don't have any difficult one.

So I'm lucky.

I think you all have the same experience.

But unfortunately sometimes we have some difficult people.

Sometimes we have to communicate with them.

But it is not easy.

Maybe you notice when I was guiding meditation,

I said,

My difficult people be strong and healthy mentally and physically.

Did you notice it?

Do you like it?

So sometimes I was thinking,

Do I have to say it or not?

Why sometimes people are thinking,

They are telling it is not easy to wish they are strong and happy.

But as a loving kindness practitioner,

Sometimes we have to do it.

We can't skip our difficult people.

So in our loving kindness practice,

We have to focus our difficult one.

Sometimes we are thinking it is not easy to think about them,

It is not easy to focus about our difficult ones,

But we have to focus.

Now I'm asking,

When you are going to think about your difficult people,

It means you want to change how they think.

Is it easy to change your difficult people how they think?

It is not.

But if you are going to change them,

I mean how they think,

How they talk,

When you are going to do it,

Is it easy?

No.

It means you have to work so hard.

It has long process.

Recently I was telling one story,

One of Saturday,

One of Wednesday.

I really like that story.

I would like to share with you this story again.

And the story explains beautiful message because we are always thinking to change something,

But we are not thinking about our side.

So when we are practicing meditation,

Always we are,

Firstly we are going to focus about ourselves.

If we change,

Then it is easy to change someone.

Maybe you notice Bantya Sujata always was telling put your oxygen mask first before you assist others.

It means if you are okay,

Then we can change anyone.

We can tell anything to someone.

So what is the story?

Maybe you heard this story before.

There was a king.

That king was thinking one day,

I want to visit my country.

I want to see my country.

I want to see my kingdom.

Then he did.

He told all the people,

I am going to visit my country,

My kingdom.

I want to see everything.

You have to organize a day.

Then they arranged a day for king.

Then everyone was getting ready to follow the king.

King was thinking I want to walk.

I don't need a bride.

I want to walk.

Because he was thinking to visit everywhere.

Then finally on that day,

King start to walk.

All the people,

They start to follow the king.

Then they were following king,

King start to walk.

He was enjoying everything around him.

Then after 30 minutes,

He was so tired.

He told,

I am done.

I can't go any further.

I am sweating.

I am tired.

Then he said,

Okay,

Let's go back to the palace.

Then they went to the palace.

After a while,

King called a meeting.

Then he said,

One day I am going to visit my kingdom again.

But I noticed that all the roads were so uncomfortable.

It makes me sad.

It makes me uncomfortable.

Then he said,

I am going to visit again.

But before that,

You all have to repair all the roads.

Then he said,

You have to put,

Instead of carpet,

You have to put leather,

Leathers on the roads.

Then I can walk so comfortably.

That was the king idea.

Then everybody was so confused.

They were talking,

Talking,

Because it is not easy to put leather on the roads.

They were so confused.

Then meeting was done.

Everybody was talking.

Then finally there was a person.

He told,

Okay,

I am going to talk with king again.

I have some idea.

Then he went to meet king.

Then he said,

My dear king,

Still we are thinking about your idea.

We would like to put leathers on the roads.

But you want to put leather on the roads in our kingdom.

It is not easy.

Leathers are so expensive.

Also,

It is not easy to find.

We have to spend thousands of money.

But I have really wonderful idea.

If you don't mind,

Just think about it.

What he said,

Now you want to work comfortably.

You want to work everywhere.

But I think if you buy new leather boots,

We don't want to put leather on the roads.

Just buy new leather boots,

Then you can work comfortably.

That was the idea.

King was thinking,

Wow,

I didn't think about it.

Just think,

Sometimes we are like that king.

We are focusing everything,

But we are not focusing about ourselves.

It means,

Actually,

You are kind of thinking about the leather boots.

That's why you always come to me and you want to learn something.

Most of times when you think about our difficult people,

It is not easy.

They always make you upset,

Worried and sad.

Sometimes they criticize you.

They want to tell something to you.

So if they tell something,

You have to be really smart.

One time there was a person.

He was so mad at Buddha.

Then what he did,

He was thinking,

I want to do something to Buddha.

Then what he did,

He invited to the Buddha,

To his house for food.

Then that person,

He was organizing food.

One of the morning Buddha visited his place.

What he did,

That person,

He didn't offer any food.

He went to the Buddha.

He started to yell at Buddha.

He started to use so bad words,

Rough words.

He was yelling at Buddha.

He didn't offer any food.

If someone does something like that,

What do you do?

If someone just comes and yells at you,

Maybe you are going to respond.

You are going to do something.

So what Buddha did,

Because Buddha already knows about everything,

Buddha was so quiet and listening to him.

After a while Buddha said,

Okay,

You already invited me for food.

You didn't offer anything.

You just yelled at me.

Now I am going to ask you one question.

If someone comes to your house,

If some visitors come to your house,

What do you do?

I am just asking also same question from you.

If someone wants to visit you,

What do you do?

Maybe friends,

Maybe some families,

What do you do?

Yeah,

You are making beautiful meal,

You are offering food,

You want to treat them.

Yeah,

You want to treat them because they are your visitors.

What Buddha said,

Then what he said,

That person,

Definitely I am going to make beautiful meal for them.

I want to treat them really well.

I want to make them happy.

Then Buddha said again,

Okay,

If they don't want to eat your food,

What do you do?

Now I am asking same thing.

What do you do if they don't eat?

Yeah,

Maybe you are going to eat,

If they don't eat,

Then that person,

If they don't eat my food,

We don't want to waste.

Our family is going to eat that all the food.

Then what Buddha said,

Now you already offer something to me.

I don't want.

Just take it back.

You use some rough words,

Bad words.

I am not taking anything personal.

Just take it back.

But I think for us it is not easy to practice.

We need strong practice.

Or if someone come to you and if some difficult people make you upset,

Worry and sad,

It is also good story to understand about them.

Also sometimes they are always criticizing you.

You have to be so smart with them.

There are another two stories I would like to share with you.

There was a great teacher.

The teacher was so popular.

He was so famous.

Everyone loved him.

When he talked,

People really enjoyed his talk.

So many people came to listen to his talk.

There was another teacher.

He was so jealous at him because that teacher was thinking that good teacher always following many people.

He has a huge audience.

But my place is always empty.

Also my people go to visit that good teacher.

That bad teacher was thinking.

Then he was thinking I want to do something.

Then what he did,

One time that good teacher was doing a talk.

That bad teacher,

He went to in front of the people.

Then he challenged,

Hey teacher,

I came to challenge you.

I'm going to start a debate.

You have to debate with me.

But I'm not going to listen to you.

I'm not going to obey you.

But you must have to control me.

You must have to obey me,

But I'm not going to obey you.

That bad teacher challenged.

Then that good teacher told,

Okay,

Let's start our debate.

But before that,

Please come to this stage.

That bad teacher,

He started to work very proudly.

Then he sat next to the good teacher.

After a little while,

That good teacher told,

Okay,

I think if you change your posture,

If you change your place to left side,

To come and sit my left side,

It is so much easy to talk with you.

Please come and sit on my left side.

That good teacher told.

Then that bad teacher,

He changed his position to left side.

Again after a little while,

That good teacher told,

I think if you change again to right side,

If you come and sit on my right side,

It is so much easy to talk with you.

Please come and sit on my right side.

Then he changed the posture.

Can you understand what is happening?

Then what is he doing?

He's obeying.

He's just changing his posture.

He's changing his places.

Then that wise teacher told,

Look,

You are obeying me.

You are just listening to me.

Sit and quiet,

Listening to me.

He didn't do anything special.

He just used his wise mind.

Then he,

However he obey him.

Sometimes with difficult people,

We have to do like that.

You have to be so smart.

Otherwise,

If you are going to argue,

Never going to end.

There's another nice story from that story.

I'm going to stop my talk.

There was a teacher.

One day that teacher invited to go to Tibet.

He was a great teacher.

Then that teacher was looking for a helper.

Then he was looking for people.

Then finally he found a helper.

How about that helper?

He was one of the annoying people.

He was so stubborn,

Annoying,

Careless,

Bad person.

But the teacher chose him as a helper.

Then both went to Tibet.

They spent a few days in Tibet.

So all the people treated them very well.

After a few days,

People came to that teacher and told,

Bante,

What you are doing?

Look at your helper.

He is so careless,

Annoying,

Stubborn.

He always doing something wrong.

Why you are still asking help from him?

Why don't you send him to his village?

We can help you.

That people told.

Then that great teacher told,

You know,

My friends,

He is my teacher.

That stubborn person is my teacher.

Then everybody was so surprised because that great teacher telling now that stubborn person is his teacher.

Then he said,

He always teaching me two things.

Maybe you can imagine,

You can guess.

What is the first one?

First one is patience.

Second one,

He said,

Always he is teaching me how to practice calmness,

How to stay focused.

Now if anyone come to you and telling something,

If any difficult people come to you and try to do something,

Just think about this story.

Think,

Oh,

He is helping me to practice my patience.

He is helping me to practice stay calm.

Try to think how Buddha treat that person.

Try to think how that teacher did very wisely.

So this all the things will help you to communicate with your difficult people.

So just think how that king did.

We can change everyone.

But it is so much easy to change yourself.

So think about this everything.

I think you learn something today.

Try to apply to your daily life.

So thanks so much for coming.

I hope to see you next time.

Thanks so much.

Reviews

Yes they are the greatest teachers !
Many thanks 🙏

Thank you 🙌🏻💫❤️

You have such a calm voice. Can't stop listening to you. Namaste.

Very helpful!!!💚 thank u!