I'm in!
And I want to talk to you about your longing to make life a little less stressful for other people as well as yourself.
We're living in tough times,
Aren't we?
And it can really hurt our heart.
To see people suffer in front of us.
Especially the little one.
Wouldn't it be great to have some ways to help people?
You can!
Life can get a little bit better for all of us when we can give each other some support.
To show you what I mean,
I want to tell you the story of my student,
Tasha.
Tasha is a very loving aunt.
To two amazing nieces.
She's been using what she learned from me to give them powerful emotional tools when life gets hard.
And life did get hard for Vivi,
Who's eight,
And Ellie,
Who's nine,
One day a few months ago.
They were at a neighbor's house when the younger girl got attacked by a pit bull,
Bitten on the face,
And her older sister saw it all and was horrified.
There was a lot of blood.
I'm not going to give any more details than that.
Just to assure you that Vivi's face is OK.
She got to the hospital right away,
And by now she's fine.
But the situation was really hard for both girls.
And this is where Aunt Tasha comes in.
That evening,
She came over to her sister's house.
And was helping the girls process their feelings about the events of the day.
How do you help a child handle scary intense feelings?
How do you help anyone?
Well,
One way is to offer them the language that I teach.
For helping people acknowledge feelings without getting overwhelmed.
That language includes three magic words.
Something in me.
And if you're talking to another person,
That phrase becomes,
Something in you.
So first,
Natasha listened to Vivi.
Vivi was blaming herself.
I was putting my face in front of the dog and Tasha said,
I know there's something in you that says you were the person who caused this.
That he said,
Yeah,
And there's something else.
There's another something that says it wasn't my fault.
Isn't that a nice step coming from the child herself?
I love it.
So Tasha could tell that he didn't want to talk about it anymore.
So she just said,
It's okay.
It's just important to know that both parts are there and you're a big enough space.
To hold both parts.
And she added,
Just listen to your heart,
Vivi.
You'll know which part is right eventually.
Well,
Then Allie was stunned.
And wanted her turn to be close to Tasha.
Now,
Let me pause and tell you about Ellie.
Ellie lives with a debilitating disease called LBSL,
A rare condition that's like a child's MS.
And her courage in living with this illness is inspiring to everyone who knows her.
But because of it.
It can be especially important for Ellie to be able to handle her stressful feelings.
And Tasha is really grateful to know some ways to support her.
So Ellie said.
And Tasha,
I was really scared.
Tasha said,
Yeah,
There was something in you that was really scary.
Really?
Yes!
But there was a lot of blood,
So I was also very nauseous.
There's something else in you,
Another part of you that was very,
Very noshed.
And then,
Because she had just heard what had gone on with Vivi and her two parts,
Ellie looked at Tasha and said,
Both of those somethings are here,
And I'm strong enough to hold them.
Yes,
You are.
Haley looked at Tasha questioningly,
And Tasha said,
Trust me.
You are.
You are.
It's okay that you have these parts.
It's okay that you feel these things.
And it's important that you know that you are more than those two feelings.
Does this make a difference?
You bet!
Later,
Ellie asked,
Is it true I can have two feelings at the same time?
And Tasha said,
Yes.
And she felt so touched when Ellie said,
Aunt Tasha,
I feel so much more at peace.
And this was the very night of witnessing her sister survive a frightening pitfall.
So what was it that Tasha did?
One.
Just by listening.
She made it normal and acceptable for her nieces to have their feelings.
A very important and powerful gift we can give to our kids or to anyone.
Tasha fed back her niece's feelings using the phrase,
Something in you.
As in,
Yeah,
There was something in you that was very scary.
This allows the feeling to be there,
But reminds the person that they are more than the feeling.
And three.
When there were two fields.
Tasha reminded her niece.
That both feelings were there and that she could be a big enough space to hold both.
When we do this.
We're growing the calm,
Strong self,
The self in presence.
And that is such a gift to give to anyone,
Especially those we love.
Well,
My story has one more chapter.
Because that night when Tasha herself got home,
She realized she was exhausted.
She paused,
She got grounded in her body,
And she said,
Something in me is exhausted.
She'd been giving so much that her own resources had gotten nearly empty.
She'd almost forgotten to do for herself what she'd been showing to others.
But she did remember.
And acknowledging her feelings using the phrase,
Something in me was a powerful step.
Toward replenishing her own resources.
There's a big important truth here that applies to all of us at any stage of our lives.
Feelings don't need to be pushed away or suppressed.
They don't need to be argued with or explained away and they don't need to overwhelm us or take us over.
We can have our feelings and be calm.
By practicing ways of remembering.
That we really are that strong self that can be big enough to hold all our feelings in loving support.
