Twice in my life,
I have looked into the mirror and not recognized the woman staring back at me.
I don't know when it happened.
And perhaps there wasn't a single moment.
But rather a slow,
Quiet erosion of the self I once knew.
The sleepless nights.
The love poured endlessly into others.
The first time I felt this way was after losing my father.
His story was one of deep sorrow,
Struggle,
And holding on to the last threads of life.
It felt like we all carried a secret.
One we all knew.
But we couldn't say out loud.
You wouldn't make it.
This wasn't his battle to win.
But there was no space for that truth.
He needed strength.
He needed hope.
And that was something I could give him.
And without hesitation.
After he was gone.
Through the blur of grief and the long,
Restless nights.
A stranger one day appeared in the mirror.
It happened in an instant.
Just a passing glance.
But she stopped me cold.
A face both familiar and foreign.
The exhaustion of showing up,
The weight of love and loss had etched itself into me.
They say that grief is just love with nowhere to go.
And yet,
There it was.
Staring back at me.
I looked into my eyes.
Where carefree excitement once lived,
A deeper,
Quieter wisdom had settled.
I trace the lines on my forehead.
The new creases,
Shaped by tears,
By laughter,
And by living.
Then,
It happened again.
A year into motherhood,
I caught my reflection.
And there she was again.
That stranger once more.
I had poured everything into my child.
The love.
The Endless Nights of Holding the soothing.
Giving all of myself in early motherhood.
Somewhere along the way.
I again.
Lost myself.
But not in the same way as before.
This time,
It was not through grief.
It was through devotion.
Motherhood,
Like loss,
Has changed me.
Forever.
But this time,
I understood.
The woman in the mirror didn't feel as much like a stranger this time.
But like an old friend,
One shaped by love,
Compassion,
And the quiet resilience of showing up,
Again and again,
With her whole heart.
And I am forever grateful to her.
Thank you so much for sitting here with me today.
My hope is that if you're walking through a difficult season right now,
Whether that be grief,
For the challenges that come with early motherhood.
I hope that this work can be a piece of light.
And the beauty that comes with deep love and transformation.
And I hope you have a wonderful day.
