Hello my sleepyheads,
It's Steph here and you've made it to bedtime with the Sleepytime Crew.
Are you ready for tonight's story?
This one is for anyone who's ever used up all of their energy being good.
And kind and quiet and helpful until they got home and totally lost the plot.
You know those days where your smile is stuck on your face,
Your words don't quite feel like your own and everything just feels a little off.
Well,
You're not alone.
Our friend Baxter the Badger knows exactly what that's like.
Baxter is kind and clever and always gets told she's such a good listener and such a good girl.
But no one sees the jumble going on inside.
Let's take a big gentle breath in.
And a long sleepy breath out.
And let's wander down to the edge of the wild woods where a very thoughtful little badger is about to unzip something very important.
At school,
Baxter was known for being a very good badger.
She sat quietly.
She shared her pencils.
She even said thank you when Foxy the Flying Fox flung a glue stick at her head.
But being so good.
It took a lot of effort,
Like a lot of effort.
Because sometimes,
Baxter didn't feel calm on the inside.
Or quiet.
Or like sharing anything.
Sometimes she wanted to say,
That's unfair.
Or it's too loud or I actually hate this game and I would rather lick a spiky cactus.
But instead of saying it,
She zipped it.
And zipped it.
And zipped it again.
She often mirrored her classmates.
She copied how they spoke.
What they laughed at.
Even when she didn't think it was funny.
And it was exhausting.
And it made her feel like her real self was stuck inside a costume that she couldn't take off.
Every single day,
She zipped up all of her big feelings.
She tucked them deep inside.
And carried them all home in her invisible backpack.
Now this backpack wasn't sparkly or cute and it didn't have pockets or snacks or fun stickers but it was stuffed to the brim with everything she didn't say or do or ask for during the day.
By the time Baxter got home from school,
Her invisible backpack was so full she could barely walk straight.
She'd walk into the house and she'd snap at her little brother Snudge.
She shouted at the dog for wagging its tail too loud.
And she'd stomp up the stairs,
Hurl her shoes at the wall like she was training for the Olympic grump-a-thon.
And guess what?
She probably would have won the gold medal.
And then,
After all of that,
She flopped onto her bed,
Face first.
Splat.
Her family was confused.
Why was Baxter so kind at school and so calm at school,
But so cross and stormy at home?
That's when Ollie the otter popped around.
He totally got it.
Well,
Bax,
It's like this home,
He said.
It's your just right place.
It's where you feel safe.
You can take your mask off here.
It doesn't mean you're being bad.
It means you're being real.
Oh Baxter thought I get it she wore a mask at school to look like she had it all together but that mask is exhausting to wear all the time and she didn't need to wear it at home she could be herself at home.
Together,
They came up with a color code that she could use when she couldn't get the words out to say how she was feeling.
Green meant I'm okay.
Orange meant I need a quiet space.
And red,
Red meant I'm about to melt down.
Baxter made little cards with the colors to show her family which color she was feeling at that point in time.
And guess what?
It helped.
A lot.
Later that evening,
Grandpa Badger shuffled in.
He always knocked once,
Twice,
Three times.
He was polite like that.
And he never came in empty poured.
Tonight he bought warm milk and a few of Baxter's favorite biscuits and of course his biscuit loving sidekick Wally the wombat.
Grandpa couldn't go anywhere without Wally being one step behind him.
Wally snuck into the room behind Grandpa in stealth mode,
Like a potato in spy training.
And immediately started rummaging through Baxter's drawers for biscuits.
He found three and he ate them all in the blink of an eye.
Crumbs went everywhere.
He looked so proud of himself.
Classic Wally.
Grandpa Badger sat on the edge of Baxter's bed.
Hard day,
My love?
Baxter let out a noise that sounded like a growl and a sigh had had a baby.
Grandpa nodded.
You're wearing your invisible backpack again.
Puckster lifted her head.
How do you know about that?
Oh,
I know,
Because I had one too,
He said,
Wiggling his eyebrows.
Mine used to get so heavy I once fell into a shrub and I couldn't get out for an hour.
Wally had to roll me out.
After he'd eaten what was left in my lunchbox first.
Wally snorted.
That was a funny afternoon.
Grandpa reached into his coat and pulled out something small and pretend.
It looked like a golden zipper.
This here is the unzipping key you want to unpack.
Baxter knotted slowly.
Grandpa made a whoosh noise and turned the pretend key in the air.
And then they began.
Okay Baxter,
What's in today's backpack?
Baxter took a deep breath.
Grandpa,
I didn't put my hand up in class when I knew the answer.
I was so scared I'd get it wrong and everyone would laugh at me.
Grandpa nodded.
It's a heavy one.
Okay,
Out it comes.
They whooshed it away.
I got bumped in the line and dropped my lunch and I pretended it was fine.
But Grandpa,
It wasn't fine.
Oof,
That's a sandwich of sadness right there,
Bucks.
Whoosh!
Out it goes too.
I needed help in maths but I didn't want to look silly and ask for help so I said nothing.
Ah,
The classic silent struggle,
Be near two backs,
Whoosh.
See you later,
Alligator.
And I said thank you to Foxy when he hit me in the face with a glue stick.
Bax to put her paws over her eyes.
She feels so embarrassed just thinking about it.
Oh Bax,
That's a big one.
And grandpa,
I really,
Really needed to fart during library but held it in for the whole silent reading session.
And now my belly feels like a balloon.
Grandpa wheezed with laughter.
Wally let out a sympathy toot.
They unpacked and unpacked until the backpack felt light again.
Baxter lay back against her pillow,
A soft smile curling on her cheeks.
Grandpa,
I feel floaty,
She whispered.
Grandpa brushed the fur back from her forage.
That's what happens when you stop carrying everything all by yourself,
Max.
He handed her a pretend zipper of her own.
Tomorrow he said.
If something feels heavy during the day you don't have to zip it up straight away.
You can hold it.
You could look at it.
Maybe even say it out loud.
You could save it for later.
But you don't have to carry it all alone.
And if you forget something or get it wrong,
He added,
That's OK too.
Mistakes are just practice in disguise.
Every oops is a step forward.
Baxter giggled.
Practice in disguise.
I like that grandpa.
She thought for a moment,
I want to be brave,
Grandpa,
And I want to wear my true colors on the outside.
But it feels scary.
Grandpa nodded.
Being real is the bravest thing we can all do Bax.
But you don't have to do it all at once.
Try just one true colour moment at a time.
Baxter nodded sleepily.
Thanks,
Grandpa.
Wally waddled up beside her and dropped one final biscuit crumb on her blanket like a gift and together they took one deep breath in and one big breath out.
And they drifted off to sleep together.
So it's time for sleep now,
My little loves.
Taking one big breath in.
And blowing it out like a feather on the wind.
Letting your body rest.
Letting your backpack be empty.
The stars twinkle quietly and the sky sighs in its sleep.
And you,
Just like all of our animal friends,
Are already halfway to dreamland.
Good night,
My little loves.
Sweet dreams.
Sleep well.
We'll talk again tomorrow.
