20 The Blue Castle - Read By Stephanie Poppins

Valancy Stirling is 29, unmarried, and has never been in love. Living with her overbearing mother and meddlesome aunt, she finds her only consolation in her daydreams of the Blue Castle. This is the place she can be who she truly wants to be. After getting shocking news from a doctor about her state of ill health, Valancy decides to rebel against her family in true heroine style and live the life she was always meant to have.

In this new episode, Valancy is scorned.

Performed by Stephanie Poppins
Music by Jean-Miles Carter
Published by Neworld Books

Transcript

Welcome to sleep stories with Steph. It is time to relax and fully let go. There is nothing you need to be doing now and nowhere you need to go. Close your eyes and feel yourself sink into the support beneath you and let all the worries of the day drift away. This is your time and your space. Take a deep breath in through your nose and let it out with a long sigh. There is nothing you need to be doing now and nowhere you need to go. Happy listening. Chapter 21 We'll just sit here, Said Barney, And if we think of anything worthwhile we'll say it, Otherwise not. Don't imagine you're bound to talk to me. John Foster says, Quoted Valancy, If you can sit in silence with a person for half an hour and be entirely comfortable, You and that person can be friends. If you can't, Friends you'll never be and you need not waste time in trying. Evidently John Foster says a sensible thing once in a while, Conceded Barney. They sat in silence for a long while. Little rabbits hopped across the road. Once or twice an owl laughed out delightfully. The road beyond them was fringed with a woven shadow lace of trees. A way off to the southwest, The sky was full of silvery little cirrus clouds, Above the spot where Barney's island must be. Valancy felt perfectly happy. Some things dawn on you slowly. Some things come by lightning flashes. Valancy had just had a lightning flash. She knew quite well now she loved Barney. Yesterday he'd been all her own and now she was this man's. Yet he'd done nothing and said nothing. He'd not even looked at her as a woman. But that didn't matter. Nor did it matter what he was or what he had done. She loved him without any reservations. Everything in her heart went wholly to him. She had no wish to stifle or disown her love. She seemed to be his so absolutely that thought apart from him, Thought in which he did not predominate, Was an impossibility. She had realised quite simply that she loved him in the moment when he was leaning on the car door, Explaining that Lady Jane had no gas. She'd looked deep into his eyes at that moment and she'd known. With Barney Snaith she was no longer unimportant little old maid Valancy Stirling. She was a woman full of love and therefore rich and significant and justified to herself. Life was no longer empty and futile and death could cheat her of nothing. Love had cast out her last fear. What a searing, Torturing, Intolerably sweet thing it was. Something deep at its core, As fine and remote and purely spiritual as tiny blue sparks in the heart of the unbreakable diamond. No dream had ever been like this. Valancy was no longer solitary. She was one of a vast sisterhood. All the women that had ever loved in the world. Barney need never know it, Though she would not in the least have minded him knowing, But she knew it and it made a tremendous difference to her. She did not ask to be loved. It was rapture enough just to sit there beside him in silence, Alone in the summer night in the white splendour of moonshine, With a wind blowing down on them out of the pine woods. Valancy had always envied the wind. It was so free, Blowing where it listed, Through the hills, Over the lakes. What a tang, What a zip it had. What magic of adventure. She felt as if she'd exchanged her shop-worn soul for a fresh one. Fire knew from the workshop of the gods. As far back as she could look, Life had been dull. Colourless, Savourless. Now she had come to a little patch of violets, Purple and fragrant, Hers for the plucking. No matter who or what had been in Barney's past, No matter who or what might have been in his future, No one else could ever have this perfect hour. Ever dream of ballooning? Said Barney, Suddenly. No, Said Valancy. I do, Often. Sailing through the clouds and seeing the glories of sunset. Spending hours in the midst of a terrific storm, With lightning playing above and below you. Skimming above a silver cloud floor under a full moon. Wonderful. Does sound wonderful, Said Valancy. I've stayed on earth in my dreams. She then went on to tell him about her blue castle. It was so easy to tell Barney things. One felt he understood everything, Even the things you didn't say. And then she told him a little of her existence before she came to Roaring Ables. She wanted him to see why she'd gone to the dance up back. I've never really had any life, She said. I've just breathed. Every door has always been shut to me. But you're still young, Said Barney. I know I'm still young, But that's so different from young, Said Valancy bitterly. For a moment, She was tempted to tell Barney why her years had nothing to do with her future, But she did not. She was not going to think of death tonight. I was never really young, She went on, Until tonight. I never had a life like other girls. You couldn't understand. I didn't even love my mother. Isn't it awful that I don't love my mother? It's rather awful for her, Said Barney dryly. She didn't know it, Continued Valancy. She took my love for granted, And I wasn't any use or comfort to her or anyone. I was just a vegetable. And I got tired of it. That's why I came to keep house for Mr Gay and look after Sissy. And I suppose your people thought you'd gone mad. They do, Literally, Said Valancy. But it's a comfort to them. They'd rather believe me mad than bad. There's no other alternative. But I've really been living since I came to Mr Gay's. It's been a delightful experience. I suppose I'll pay for it when I have to go back. But I have had it at least. That's true, Said Barney. If you buy your own experience, It is your own. So it's no matter how much you pay for it. Someone else's experience could never be yours. It's a funny old world. Do you really think it is an old world? Asked Valancy dreamily. I never believed that in June. It seems so young tonight, Somehow, In that quivering moonlight, Like a young white girl waiting. Moonlight here on the verge of outbacks different from moonlight anywhere else, Agreed Barney. It always makes me feel clean somehow. And of course, The age of gold always comes back in spring. It was ten o'clock now. A dragon of black cloud ate up the moon. The spring air grew chill. Valancy shivered. Barney reached back into the innards of Lady Jane and clawed up an old tobacco stained overcoat. Put that on, He ordered. Don't you want it yourself? Protested Valancy. No, I'm not going to have you catching cold on my hands. I won't catch cold. I haven't had a cold since I came to Mr. Gay's. It's funny that I used to have them all the time. I feel so selfish taking your coat. You've sneezed three times. No use winding up your experience up back with grip or pneumonia. Barney pulled it up tight about her throat and butted it on her. Valancy submitted with secret delight. How nice it was to have someone look after you so. She snuggled down into the tobacco he folds and wished the night could last forever. Ten minutes later, A car swooped down on them from up back. Barney sprang from Lady Jane and waved his hand. The car came to stop beside them. Valancy saw Uncle Wellington and Olive gazing at her in horror from it. So Uncle Wellington had got a car and he must have been spending the evening with Cousin Herbert. Valancy almost laughed out loud at the expression on his face as he recognised her. The pompous, Bewhiskered old humbug. Can you let me have enough gas to get me to Deawood? Barney asked politely, But Uncle Wellington was not attending to him. Valancy, He said sternly, How came you here? With this jailbird at ten o'clock at night? Are you a jailbird? Said Valancy to Barney. Does it matter? Said Barney, Gleams of fun in his eyes. Not to me, Very arse out of curiosity. Then I won't tell you. I never satisfy curiosity, He said. Now, Mr Stirling, I asked if you could let me have some gas. Uncle Wellington was in a horrible dilemma. To give gas to this shameless pair, But then not to give it to them. To go away and leave them here in the woods until daylight. It was better to give it to them and let them get out of sight before anyone else saw. Got anything to get gas in, He grunted sternly. Barney produced a two-gallon measure from Lady Jane. The two men went to the rear of the car and began manipulating the tap. Valancy stole sly glances at Olive over the collar of Barney's coat. Olive was sitting grimly staring ahead with an outraged expression. She did not mean to take any notice of Valancy. Olive had her own secret reasons for feeling outraged. Cecil had been in Deerwood lately and of course had heard all about Valancy. He agreed her mind was deranged and was exceedingly anxious to find out whence the derangement had been inherited. It was a serious thing to have in the family, A very serious thing. One had to think of one's descendants. She got it from the Wandsboroughs, Said Olive positively. There's nothing like that in the Stirlings, Nothing. I hope not, I sincerely hope not, Cecil had responded dubiously. But then to go out as a servant, Well that is what it practically amounts to. Your cousin. Poor Olive had felt the implication. The Port Lawrence Prices were not accustomed to ally themselves with families whose members worked out. Valancy could not resist temptation. Does it hurt, Olive, She said leaning forward. Does what hurt? Looking like that. For a moment, Olive resolved she would take no further notice. Then duty came uppermost. She must not miss the opportunity. Doss, She implored, Won't you come home? Valancy yawned. You sound like a revival meeting. You really do, She said. If you will just come back, Then all will be forgiven. We'll never cast it up to you, Doss. There are nights when I can't sleep for thinking about you. And me having the time of my life, Said Valancy laughing. I can't believe you're bad, Doss, Said Olive. I've always said you couldn't be bad. I don't believe I can be, Said Valancy. I'm afraid I'm hopelessly proper. I've been sitting here for three hours, Barney Snaith, And he hasn't even tried to kiss me once. I wouldn't have minded if he had, Olive. Valancy was still leaning forward, Her little hat with its crimson rose tilted down over one eye. Olive stared. In the moonlight, Valancy's eyes, Valancy's smile. What had happened to her? She looked not pretty. She couldn't be pretty, But provocative. Fascinating, Abominably so. Olive drew back. It was beneath her dignity to say more. After all, Valancy must be both mad and bad. That's enough, Said Barney behind the car. Much obliged, Mrs Stirling. Two gallons, Seventy cents, Thank you. Uncle Wellington climbed foolishly and feebly into his car. He wanted to give Snaith a piece of his mind, But he dared not. Who knew what the creature might do if provoked? No doubt he carried firearms. Uncle Wellington looked indecisively at Valancy, But Valancy had turned her back on him and was watching Barney pour the gas into Lady Jane's maw. Drive on, Said Olive decisively. There's no use in waiting here. Let me tell you what she said to me. The little hussy, The shameless little hussy.