So how do you know if it's time to let go of the person you love?
That's what I'm going to talk about today.
I'm going to give you three questions to ask yourself honestly.
Because when these questions are answered with a no,
That is really going to give you a lot of valuable information.
So the first question is,
Does the other person care about your feelings?
When you're feeling hurt,
When there's a conflict,
When something difficult happens in your life and you're feeling sad or scared,
Do they care?
Do they show support?
Can they hang in there with you when you're going through a tough time?
Because if they don't care about your feelings and instead think that they're a bother or they just don't want to hear it because it has to be about them,
That's a huge red flag.
Because imagine going through life with someone,
Whether it's a partner or a really close friend,
A person that really doesn't care about how you feel.
That's a game changer for me.
And when somebody doesn't have that quality,
I am immediately gonna pull back and not allow them to be in my inner circle.
And I want you to really consider that.
How important is that for you?
Question number two,
Does the relationship have at least some give and take?
Because if you're in a one-sided relationship where you're doing all the giving,
The contacting,
The supporting,
It's super draining and it's not sustainable over the long haul.
Really what we want in a healthy relationship is,
It's not gonna be 50-50 exactly,
But there should be a good healthy balance of give and take,
Of support,
Of encouragement,
Of respecting other people's boundaries.
Because when you don't have that,
It's really hard not to feel taken advantage of,
Like you're doing all the work.
And honestly,
This creates a one-sided relationship where you're going to exhaust yourself and then find yourself getting into more and more resentment over time,
And I don't want that for you.
Now the third question is,
Are they willing to look at their part even if they're not very good at it?
For instance,
When they hurt your feelings,
Do they acknowledge that?
Have they ever said,
I'm sorry?
Because if this is a hard no,
This is another one of those major red flags I want you to pay attention to.
Because imagine going through life with this person as your partner or your really close friend.
You're not going to be able to resolve any conflicts because they're going to stop you by blaming you to avoid taking accountability.
And this is probably my number one trait that I look for in a really close friend or mate when I was picking a husband is I needed somebody who was willing to look at their own parts.
Because it's really hard to go through the ups and downs of life without somebody willing to own their part.
Because then it's gonna be a game of tag,
You're it.
And that's no fun,
And I never recommend that.
Now,
If you find that all three questions are a big no,
Then I really want you to consider how you can start letting go.
And I know a lot of people resist that,
But here's the thing.
You don't have to start with breaking it off.
You can start with emotionally letting go.
How can you start to separate your emotional energy from theirs?
And one way to do this is to start creating more of your own life.
Don't ask them to be something they're not.
And this is not easy,
Especially if it's someone you live with.
But that's part of how you start to detach,
Is to come into more realistic expectations of who they are.
Because maybe you don't ask them for emotional support because you know they don't give it or they're not emotionally available.
So you learn to get that need met in another way.
Detachment is a great first step in letting go.
The next thing I want you to do is start writing down all the things you wanted for this relationship,
Because that's gonna trigger a grieving process.
And it's also gonna help you realistically assess this relationship.
Because letting go is a process.
It's not something somebody does the first time they realize they have to end a relationship.
It's usually the 10th or 12th time that they actually do it because there's a lot of contemplating going on.
Nobody likes to let go and nobody lets go easily.
I know I certainly haven't.
So just know that part of letting go is having realistic expectations of yourself and that it really is a process that you will come to when you're ready.
There's no time limit.
There's no,
Oh,
You should be out of this relationship in a month.
Now,
If there's physical or psychological abuse going on,
Then yeah,
You're definitely gonna wanna get some professional help so that you can leave faster because your safety and the safety of your kids,
If there are kids,
Is paramount.
But I really want to let you know that letting go is something you can do one day at a time.
Even if today,
The only thing you're going to do is to create a little bit more separation between you and that other person.
That can be the start of you letting go.
And you can do this without saying a word.
You don't have to be mean.
You don't have to walk around stomping your feet.
It's really about,
You know what,
I'm just going to let this person be who they are.
And I'm going to go over here.
Here and be who I am and start attending to what I need,
Because that is going to be super helpful in the process of letting go is for you to get the focus off of what they're doing.
Because when we do that,
We often create more pain and suffering for ourselves without realizing it and shift that focus to what do I need to do to take care of myself today?
I want you to ask yourself,
Do you need to make some financial plans to let go?
Do you need emotional support to let go?
Do you need a place to live?
All of those factors require planning and that's why letting go is a process that takes time.
It's not something you have to rush through.
You're not going to get graded at the end of it.
I really want you to hear this.
Just be gentle with yourself because the process of letting go can take a lot out of you because there's a lot of grief attached to letting go.
So another thing I want you to remember is that sometimes the process of letting go is harder because we've had other losses that we haven't fully processed yet.
So it can feel even more intense.
Just know that that too is part of the process.
Sometimes when we have a loss,
It can trigger other losses and that's okay.
That doesn't mean you did anything wrong.
But for today,
I just want you to think about what are some ways you can start to let go today to take care of yourself and to get the focus off of them back onto you.
I hope you found this video helpful.
Thank you.
