How do I love myself more?
So in this video,
I talk about low self-esteem and three key ways you can start to increase your self-esteem and self-love.
So how does low self-esteem impact you?
This is a really important question because when you don't feel good about yourself,
Your decisions in life will tend to reflect that.
Relationships tend to be harder because you may not think that you deserve better.
You may pick people that are problematic or alcoholic or narcissistic is you don't know how to pick people who are healthier.
Like tends to attract like.
So who I picked,
For instance,
To be in a relationship with in my 20s is a lot different than in my 30s and 40s and now 50s because I changed and I learned and I got better with my own self-esteem and that tends to help us pick healthier people.
Now,
Another thing that happens with low self-esteem is that you might tend to struggle with anxiety and depression People with low self-esteem tend to struggle with negative thoughts.
They might think they're not worth enough.
You might think that what's the point anyway?
Life is not going to go well for you.
It's going to go better for everybody else.
There's a lot of negative thinking that really contributes to our self-worth.
And that's why it's so important to look at.
Even at your job,
You might not think you deserve that promotion or to change careers because,
Oh,
Things are just not going to work out for you.
So low self-esteem really sets the tone for everything else in our life,
Which is why I'm talking talking about it today.
Most of us want so badly to be loved that we end up trying to get our self-esteem from external sources like our job,
Our marital status,
Our economic status,
How many friends we have,
How many likes we get on a post.
Things that are external,
But the problem is those things don't last.
So if you know how to build a solid foundation of self-love,
That's gonna last.
Because how are we gonna be able to accept from other people if we can't accept it from ourselves?
Okay,
That's the million dollar question.
Because if we don't ask ourselves that,
We're missing a major piece in this puzzle of relationship recovery and personal growth.
Because most people,
And myself included,
Did this when I was in my 20s,
I looked to my girlfriends for this.
I wanted them to make me feel good.
I wanted them to make me feel connected and solid in my life.
But the problem was,
Was that I didn't have any love for myself.
So I didn't realize what I was doing was I was really chasing other people for that love because I didn't have any for myself.
And that's dangerous because that puts all of our emotional power and our self-esteem in somebody else's hands.
And I don't want that for you.
What I want is to teach you how to build self-esteem the right way,
Internally,
Not to focus on external things,
But to focus on how you can start to develop a feeling of self-love within yourself.
So that's why self-love is so important,
Because even when we do get love from other people,
We're not going to be able to take it in.
Maybe when people compliment you,
It's uncomfortable.
A lot of times,
That's a red flag for low self-esteem,
Because if we can't accept a compliment,
That tells us that we don't really feel worthy of it,
And that's a problem.
So the first key in loving yourself more is accepting your imperfections are part of you,
But they don't diminish you.
They don't define you.
Everybody makes mistakes.
Everybody has things in their life that they don't feel good about,
That they even feel shame about,
That are really hard to let go.
But the thing is,
Is people with self-esteem can forgive themselves,
Let it go,
And move on.
They don't get stuck in negative thinking.
They don't beat themselves up when they make a mistake.
Sure,
We might feel bad,
But we can let go of it.
That's what I want for you,
Is to look at your imperfections and say,
You know what?
It's okay to be imperfect.
We all have qualities that we don't like about ourselves.
And at the same time,
I also want you to use this as an opportunity to look at those things and see what needs to change.
If there's anything really glaring,
Like addictive behaviors,
Self-destructive behaviors,
Those are gonna get in the way of you feeling good about yourself.
So that's when I always recommend getting professional help,
Trying 12-step recovery,
Because there's lots of support out there for self-destructive behaviors,
And that's gonna majorly impact how you feel about yourself.
And if you can get that healing,
That's gonna help you along the way.
Number two is the key to loving yourself more is to accept who you are exactly as you are right now.
It doesn't mean to accept yourself when you lose that extra 10 pounds or when you achieve a certain amount of success in your life.
It's literally how can you love yourself right in this moment with me right now?
Because the people in life that have self-esteem know how to do that.
They can love themselves warts and all because nobody's perfect.
That's not the goal in life.
That's not the goal in recovery or in personal growth.
Really,
The goal when you think about it is to find some acceptance in your life.
Find some acceptance in yourself that you can say,
You know,
This is who I am and it's enough.
Okay,
That's super,
Super important.
And one way to do that is to acknowledge your gifts.
Acknowledge what's special about you because I guarantee there is nobody else like you on this planet.
Now,
Some of you might look at your accomplishments,
That's fine,
But I don't want you to stick just to your accomplishments and what you've achieved because Those can be fleeting too.
I want you to look at qualities within yourself.
Like are you a good person?
Are you kind?
Are you great with numbers?
Are you great with details?
Are you easygoing?
All of those things make up who you are.
And another thing is I want you to also look at your little quirks.
Because we all have them.
Little things about ourselves that are super quirky.
And you know what?
They're actually lovable traits that other people find really endearing.
So for me,
My family does this thing where we do our upper lip and we talk funny.
And my husband noticed it when we got married and he said,
You know,
I really love that.
I think that's really sweet.
I never thought much about it,
But it actually was a little endearing quality about me and my family that was unique.
And I will guarantee that you have something similar.
And if you don't,
Ask someone really close to you because they'll know what your quirks are.
And instead of feeling uncomfortable about them,
I want you to embrace them,
That that's what makes you unique.
That's something else that you can love about yourself.
Now,
The third key to loving yourself more is write down every compliment you've ever received.
Because I'll bet a few of you are saying to yourself,
Well,
Michelle,
I'm still stuck,
Even after doing the first two.
This is what I want you to do next.
I want you to write down all the compliments you've received because sometimes what helps,
If we don't know what we like about ourselves,
Borrow it from what somebody else has told you because I guarantee if you write a list of every compliment you've received,
You're going to see some patterns.
You're going to see some things that are unique to you that you can even own and start to say,
Yeah,
You know what?
That is me.
I am a good listener or I am kind.
With my family,
And you can start to embrace that,
Because that's what self-love is.
It's about embracing who you are,
Warts and all,
And looking at the parts that you love,
And developing those parts that you love,
So that when you're in relationship with people,
You have that seed of self-love,
Rather than looking for it in your relationships,
Okay?
Now,
The last thing with self-esteem is this.
I want you to remember that self-esteem is not arrogant or self-centered,
Okay?
That question.
I don't want to be perceived as arrogant.
I totally get it.
But self-esteem isn't being better than someone else.
It's about being equal.
It's about being enough.
And I guarantee you already are.
You just have to start practicing these tools and it will get better with practice.
Because when you love yourself,
You'll be able to trust yourself.
You can do this.
You can start to feel good about yourself.
This is not rocket science.
You can start today by accepting yourself as you are today.
And I really wanna help you do that.
Being here.
Bye.
