How To Find Choices When You Feel Powerless

09:40

How To Find Choices When You Feel Powerless

by Michelle Farris

Rated

5

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

9

When you are stuck in a cycle of helplessness, it is easy to lose sight of your own needs. This video provides practical ways to manage that sense of powerlessness and prioritize your own self-care. By shifting your focus toward what you can control, you can begin to navigate challenging circumstances with greater clarity and confidence. Learn with me! Disclaimer: The content is educational and is not a substitute for one to one professional care.

Self Coaching Practice Inner Critic Reframing Practice Self Care Empowerment Boundary Setting Personal Growth Mindfulness Hope Support Self Care Practices

Meet your Teacher

Michelle Farris

San Jose, CA, USA

Meet your Teacher

Michelle Farris

San Jose, CA, USA

Transcript

Have you ever felt like you had absolutely no choice in a situation, That you were completely powerless and had no say over what's happening? That's what I'm talking about in this video, Feeling powerless and what you can do about it. Because sometimes we don't realize that there are things we can do to take care of ourselves, Even in the most challenging situations. But if you're new, My name is Michelle Ferris and I'm a psychotherapist and I'm so glad you're here. So if you've ever felt like you have no choices, You can't say no, You can't set a boundary. You can't take care of yourself the way you want to in a certain situation. This video is for you. I'm going to be sharing a personal story about how I've dealt with this and what you can do differently moving forward because even in the most challenging circumstances, There are things you can do differently even if it's just baby steps and they do make a difference. So let's get started. So there are certain situations in life where you may feel incredibly powerless and there's no hope in sight. And when that happens, You probably do what I've done, Which is you tend to go down the rabbit hole of negativity or poor me. You just start feeling more and more hopeless. You're not alone in that. There are certain times in life when it's totally normal to feel hopeless. Like you just don't see a way out. And those are the times when you really need to take care of yourself. And that's what I'm going to help you do today. Because just because you don't have any power over the situation you're in doesn't mean there aren't some choices you can still make to take care of yourself. So maybe you're in a situation like me where you're taking care of an elderly parent, Or you have a difficult family member, Or you're in a marriage that's really struggling and you feel powerless to change it. Maybe you feel like everybody else has a say, But you don't. And the more you try to change this or assert your own opinion, The more powerless you feel. So you start thinking, There's no hope. There's nothing I can do. I am just going to have to live with this. Because we get so focused on what we can't change that we forget the things we do still have control over. So for the last four years, My siblings and I have had to rotate and take care of my elderly mom, Who's 97. We have a full-time caregiver at home, But we've had to rotate her on weekends. And in a caregiving situation, There's lots of decisions to make. Some of them I've agreed with and some of them I haven't agreed with. And it's created a lot of tension because it's hard to do this stuff. And it's rare that everybody's on the same page. So we've been doing these weekends for about three years and I've been really the only one wanting to change the situation. And I tried to go to my siblings, We tried talking it out and they just didn't want to change it. So I felt kind of stuck. So I kept doing my weekends even though internally I felt increasingly Frustrated and resentful because I wanted to stop doing it and I felt kind of bad about it But at the same time I also know that my truth is my truth and I'm not wrong for it So if you're in that same situation where you want to stop doing something, But nobody else agrees with you You're not wrong. You're not bad You're not wrong for thinking of yourself because sometimes we just hit a wall and we can't do what we've always done That doesn't mean anything's wrong with you So eventually I realized I actually had a choice, That I was literally waiting for my siblings to agree with me before I felt like I could make a change for myself. And when you're doing this work, You're constantly evaluating what you're doing, How you're doing it. And so I realized, Wait a minute, I could actually do something different, Even though it means going against the grain. So I asked the caregiver to do part of my weekend, And then I paid her for it. Now, Was that the ideal solution? No. But it made me feel like I could do something to take better care of myself and that made a difference. That gave me some hope that even though I was powerless over the entire situation, I could still look at what I contributed to it. And that's what I want to remind you of is even when you feel like you have no choices, I want you to think about what choices you have for yourself, Your attitudes, Your actions, How much time you give, What you give, Because all of that That is in your control, Even if it's to a minor degree, Depending on the situation. Because obviously, I still had to take care of my mom. I still had to put her needs first. But there were different ways I was able to take care of myself. One of them was, She wanted to go out every day, Even at 97. I mean, She wants to go out. And sometimes that was exhausting, Because she needs a lot of care. So I finally gave myself permission to say, You know what, I don't have to take her out every day. I can take her out one out of the two days. To conserve my own energy. And I had to stop feeling guilty about that and say, You know what, It's okay. There is some wiggle room when you're taking care of someone. There are baby choices you can make to still take care of yourself. Like maybe you have them wait until you're finished your task before getting them help. Because finding those little ways to take care of yourself can really give you that little bit of hope you need to keep going one day at a time. Because sometimes life is hard, And it's really hard when you're in a caregiving situation or you're in a situation with a difficult family member where you don't feel like you have any choices. I want you to ask yourself, What choices do I actually have for what I'm willing to commit to, What I'm not willing to commit to? Because that is our point of power, Is to constantly remind ourselves, What do we have control over? And while we may feel totally powerless in certain situations because they're much bigger than we are, I want you to dial it back and just notice where you do have a say, To say no, To do less, To take care of yourself, Much like I did in my caregiving situation. Because when I start to realize what I do have power over, Even if it's a tiny thing, Even if it's I'm not gonna take her out today, Or I'm gonna say, Mom, You need to wait, I'm still finishing a task, Then I'll get you your Kleenex, Right? That's something that I can do I'm not constantly feeling powerless over the situation because that leads to hopelessness. If you're going through a really hard situation right now and you feel powerless, Say me too in the comments. This video hopefully is going to help. The other thing you could do is ask for help. Sometimes when we're in a really hard situation, We assume we have to do everything or we have to do what we've always done and you don't. Maybe there are people around you that would be willing to help or maybe you can stop doing something that isn't absolutely necessary because part of what needs to happen when you're going through a powerless situation is you need to conserve your energy because it's really, Really draining when you're feeling powerless or when you're feeling like you don't have a choice. So any choices you have in that situation, I want you to honor. So I want you to do some writing where I want you to think about what choices you have in whatever situation you're struggling with right now. Know. Where can you possibly do less? Who might you call on for help or support? What's one thing you can stop doing because it's creating more stress for you? Those are some baby boundaries and forms of self-care can really make a difference between feeling powerless and feeling a little bit more hopeful. The other thing I want you to do is I want you to give yourself permission to rest. Because when you're feeling hopeless, Like you have no choice, You probably don't have a lot of energy. What can you do to create some rest? Something really kind for yourself. Can you get outside and sit quietly? Maybe you need that right now. The other thing I want you to do is notice when you're making yourself feel more powerless. Watch your language. Saying things like, I have to do this. There is no choice. I can't do that. Nobody is willing to help me. I'm all alone. While those statements may feel really true emotionally, And I get it, I've said them myself, I want you to be really mindful of how you tell the story. Might be people around you to help. There might be ways you can do less and take better care of yourself. Because when we say to ourselves, I have to, I don't have a choice, I feel a lot more powerless and I feel a lot more angry. And I don't want that for you because I don't want you to add more stress to your situation because you're already going through enough. So you might say something to yourself like, It feels like I don't have a choice, But I can choose to do less today. Or maybe I'll call my aunt and get some support. Because how we talk about what's happening really impacts our mood. When we say things like always or never or I have to or there's nothing I can do, We're going to feel more hopeless and I don't want that for you. So one way to help with this is sayings like one day at a time, This too shall pass, Today is really hard. Try to avoid future tripping and assuming that this is never going to end even though I totally get I've said that to myself, But you know what someday it will. But the more we go back and focus on today and what we can do today to take care of ourselves and minimize that stress and overwhelm, The more likely you're going to be able to cope better.