So how do you heal from codependency?
I have five ways that I'm gonna walk you through right now.
So first off is when you're codependent,
You most likely give too much to other people and you neglect yourself.
So the first task in recovery is gonna be start prioritizing your self-care.
And this can be as simple as what do I need to do to have a better day?
Do I need to take a walk?
Do I need to eat healthy?
Do I need to reach out and connect with somebody?
What do you need in order for you to start making this a habit.
It doesn't have to take a long time either.
It can just literally be maybe five or ten minutes of meditation in the morning so that you start off centered.
Because part of what happens when you're codependent is that you give so much to other people that there's nothing left for you.
But what's going to happen is if you start to prioritize self-care bits throughout the day,
What's going to happen is you're going to actually end up being able to give more to your family and friends because you're not running on empty.
And that's a really good sign in recovery.
So the second task is I want you to start asking for what you want.
Now this could be a favor,
This could be asking somebody for support,
Or to fill in for you if you're too tired to do something,
Or even just asking your partner to help around the house.
These are ways we start to feel like our needs matter,
Because if our relationships are only about us giving and never receiving,
Then you're gonna start to feel invisible,
And it's gonna create a lot hurt and a lot of resentment.
I know it did for me.
And for me,
When I started asking for what I needed and wanted with the people safest first,
I started to feel more confident like,
Hey,
You know what?
My needs really matter because your needs do matter,
But you have to put them out.
So don't start with the people who are the most challenging.
Start with the people who you know are probably going to say yes and support you because they love you so much.
Okay.
Number three,
Notice when you want to start fixing or changing or rescuing somebody else.
Now,
As codependents,
We're notorious for this.
We are really good at seeing somebody else's issues because that's part of our sensitivity.
But the problem is,
Is that when we do that and we step into somebody else's problems and start fixing them,
We're really overstepping our boundaries at that point.
And often that can create some unhealthy dynamics in the relationship.
So what I want you to do instead is I want you to get that focus off of them,
And I want you to redirect it to some form of self-care.
Now,
It doesn't mean you're not gonna show support,
And we're gonna get to that in the next one,
But I want you to notice when you start to feel compelled to help that other person,
Because often,
That's our own anxiety,
Because it's really hard for us to see other people hurting because we have such big hearts,
And that's part of the reason why codependency is hard to break,
Because there are some good aspects of it,
And having a generous heart is one of those things that we don't want you to have to change.
We just want you to have to do it in a moderate way so it doesn't hurt you.
All right,
So the fourth thing is I want you to stop giving advice.
This is hard because as a codependent,
Sometimes we really feel compelled to tell people what we think they should do because we think we have all the answers.
And oftentimes we don't.
I mean,
I'm a therapist and my friends don't often ask me for advice.
And I know why that is because most of us want to be heard more than we want to be given advice.
So I want you to find ways that you can show support to family and friends without telling them what to do.
So this might be validating their experience or listening and feeding back what you heard or asking them,
What can I do to support you?
Sometimes that's the best question you'll be surprised that some people often all they want is a listening ear.
You really don't have to do much to be supportive but sometimes we learn that we have to give advice or to fix it in order to be helpful and we really don't.
Now,
The fifth one is I want you to start practicing saying no or giving a different opinion.
Because part of what happens when you're codependent is that you don't say no.
You always say yes because you want to be helpful and you want to contribute.
And let's face it,
You probably are contributing in a major way in your life,
In your family's life,
In your community.
And I don't want you to stop that,
But I want you to have some balance.
Because when I couldn't say no,
I was secretly resentful.
And I really felt obligated to say yes versus choosing to say yes.
And that's a really important distinction in recovery.
Because when I say yes now,
I mean it.
And that doesn't mean that sometimes I'm not going to say yes to something that I don't want to do,
But I'm much more mindful of when I do that.
And it's not a pattern anymore.
I don't always do that.
But once in a while,
If the person means a lot to me,
I will inconvenience myself because that's okay.
I think that's part of being a supportive person in life is that,
Yes,
Sometimes we're gonna sacrifice ourselves a bit to help others out.
But if it's too much and we're sacrificing ourself all of the time,
Then it really doesn't work well because it's gonna bite us in the end,
All right?
So these are five concrete things you can do to start recovering from codependency and to really make your relationships healthier.
Okay,
Thanks so much for being here,
Bye.
