The Easiest Way To Set Boundaries Without A Fuss

In this track you will learn two simple ways to set boundaries without saying a word because boundaries don't have to be complicated. You can remove yourself or stay silent and in this track you'll see what that looks like in real life. Learn with me!

Transcript

I'm going to give you some baby steps to start setting boundaries. And these are two of the easiest ways you can start. Because part of codependency recovery, You know, It shouldn't be scary. It should be a stretch when we do something new. But I don't want it to be paralyzing for you. So these are going to be some really easy steps to start setting boundaries for you. So first, I want to tell you that boundaries are more about you than they are about somebody else. And that's going to make them less scary. Because boundaries are basically limits that you set for yourself that determine what you're gonna do and when to remove yourself. They're not about getting other people to change. That is the biggest misconception people have about boundaries is that if I set a boundary that means I'm making somebody else do something I want them to do or stop doing depending on what the behavior is and that's not a boundary and that honestly makes the boundary more scary because we can't control what somebody else does but we can absolutely control what we do. So in that way, That's what's going to help you realize the boundary is going to be easier to set because it's going to be more about what you choose to do. Here are two things you can do right now. One is, And I'm going to give you examples of how to do each, Is stay silent because not every boundary has to be spoken. You can actually do a lot with silence. So for instance, If you're at church or in your kid's school or at work somewhere where there's a large group and somebody's asking for a volunteer, If you're codependent like me, You are the first person to raise their hand, Right? You're gonna, Yep, I wanna do it. Because that's how we feel good about ourselves. We love to give and we have big hearts. And I don't want to change that about you. But what I want is for you to practice not doing that. So when somebody asks for something, Especially in a group, Because it'll be easier to stay silent, I want you to count to 10 and I want you to focus on your breath and just breathe, Okay? Because by the time you get to 10, Somebody else has probably volunteered. And what we forget being the giver is that if we always do the giving, We're actually robbing other people of their ways to contribute. And we don't want that. We want everybody to contribute. We want there to be a circle of giving, Not just us giving. So another way you can do that is if your friend is really struggling with a problem or there's a lot of drama happening with somebody, Instead of giving advice and getting in there, Right, Because we want to help, Stay quiet, Listen. And it's also a way for you not to get into somebody else's business. And that can be a boundary. Because sometimes as codependents, We want so much to rescue people out of their own life, But we end up robbing ourselves of our life because it takes a lot of time and emotional energy to fix somebody else's problems. And in codependency recovery, We're really more concerned with fixing our own problems. And that's a big shift when you're codependent like me. I totally get it. You're not alone in that. Now, The second boundary I want you to be able to set is to remove yourself when appropriate. And this is super helpful when, Say, You're in a public place and someone is losing their cookies. They are screaming, They're yelling, Maybe at a cashier, And suddenly you are starting to feel unsafe, Okay? This can happen in a public place anywhere, Just as an example. Staying there because you feel like you should for whatever reason, I want you to trust your gut and leave. I've done this many times when I'm out in public and I notice somebody really losing their marbles, I back off because I don't know them and it's not my place to get in there. So it's really okay to keep yourself safe and removing yourself from a situation that could potentially blow up in your face is really really helpful because that's really good self-care. Another example of this might be at a family dinner when somebody's drinking too much or they're criticizing somebody else. Instead of staying and feeling like oh my god what do I do or I need to step in or I don't need to step in or I'm not sure what I'm doing, You can politely excuse yourself. Removing yourself from a toxic or hurtful situation is a powerful boundary because you're also sending the message to that other person that this isn't okay. But you're not saying that, You're not confronting them, You're just politely excusing yourself and going into the other room. So these are some very basic ways you can start to set boundaries as a codependent. And believe me, They work. All right, Take care.