How To Know When Something Is Complete

Few of us were taught clear ways to recognize something "is over." We rely on the cues from others (or labels) or dominant outside alterations to signal transition---often leading us to stay in denial, to tolerate mediocrity, to participate in someone else's resistance or to be disillusioned. This ten minute talk is designed to help you understand your own measures of completeness...guiding you to get clear on what signs you rely on to acknowledge the expiration date of something.

Transcript

Most of us were never taught what to do or how to navigate when something is complete. Most of us don't even recognize when something is complete. It takes us a few beats, A few weeks, Sometimes a few days or months or even a season to say, Oh this is over. Heck, Sometimes I still find myself shocked when I actually look at expiration dates and something that I thought I could enjoy for a few more months is past its expiration date. First, I think it's helpful to note that everything has a season. A flower starts in the ground, Then has a shoot, Then has a stem and then has a bud and then it has a flower and then it slowly droops. The shoot starts to limp, The petals start to fall and is returned back to the earth. One of the reasons why it's a challenge for us to recognize when something is complete is because it doesn't tell us exactly when it is and we do have to rely on our internal intuition and our knowingness. And if we really knew how food expiration dates work, We'd know that those are best guesses of when food is unsafe for us to eat, Not when they are past its freshness. So expiration dates and when something is complete, The time in the moment is really something that is up to us. Yet so frequently we wait until it is overly evident that a thing, An object, A habit, An agreement, A reliance, A system even, Is no longer working as it used to, Is no longer supporting us or perhaps has long, Long, Long been gone. Think of all the possessions that once gave you a lot of joy but now are collecting dust, You haven't used them, You know, Haven't enjoyed them for a certain period of time, A month, Two months, Three months, A year. So let's just all recognize that it does require some shifting of our usual operating procedures to recognize when something is complete and then to do the work of cleaning up, Tending to the soil, Removing objects, Tending to our physical dwellings and our emotional ones. And then the most tricky is our relational ones. Sometimes you might want to get rid of all the jars in the refrigerator and somebody else that shares that fridge with you might have a different timing. So this is a very tricky and often mostly incompetent field we're tracking together. Think about when do you recognize something's complete? What are some of the signs? Do you need it? Does the banana need to be all black for you to recognize? Does there need to be mold on the fruit? Do the clothes need to not fit anymore? Does the book that you bought at the library sale never get to be read for a whole year? When does the conversation actually end? When does an era of your life end? For me, I used to be a skier and snowboarder and used to winter sports in the mountains and somewhere along the lines of my 30s, I just stopped liking it and that hobby is something that I'm complete with. It is over and when I recognized it was over, It was time for me to donate all my ski gear. That was a final step, Actually letting go of all the gear and it took me moving to Florida to clean out that bin. So I get, I think you get the point. How do you recognize when you are complete with something? What's a situation where you did well, Recognizing oh, This time is gone, Bye and I am over this. Think of a situation where you did that well. Now think of a situation where you did not do that well, Where you were resisting an ending, An ending that you were on the cusp of, An ending that already happened or maybe an ending that you know you need to complete now. Maybe when I mentioned items in your home, You thought of some things or maybe when I mentioned a conversation that you've been looping around in your mind or maybe you've seen the same therapist or the same support person for a long time or do you want to relocate or move a job? What is something that's coming up for you and how you have handled an ending poorly in the past in a way that caused more stress, More conflict or more confusion, More delays than really was necessary. In the next meditation, We'll discuss how to hone your identification so that you could see your own signs and the timing that really works for you. Not what some influencer says, Not what somebody else living in a different place or has a different body or a different bank account or a different day-to-day life, Like what would help you recognize the signs that you were on the edge of completeness or that something is really on its course. For today, Thank you for sharing this space with me. The space of endings oftentimes are something that we don't give enough attention to. We like to focus on the beginnings and the fresh starts and a lot of times that just leads us to dragging around the past more than really is necessary. So thank you for doing this work together. Marcia.