Let's start by acknowledging the obvious.
Stress is a biological tool meant for dodging predators,
Not for sitting on a couch in a country town.
When your system is stuck in that short-term emergency mode for days on end.
It overwhelms your natural balance.
It's like a car engine revving in neutral,
Eventually.
Something's gotta give.
And you can wonder.
As you sit here now.
Can you notice the early signs,
That tightness in your chest,
The way your thoughts start racing like a 90s power ballad?
That's your body giving you the data.
I'd like you to think about an afternoon in a country town.
You're on the couch.
The internet is dead.
And the TV is playing Baywatch.
You're watching these men and women in red shorts.
Rowing a boat in agonising slow motion.
It's a perfect metaphor for dirty anxiety.
Clean anxiety.
Is just a natural feeling of being alive in a world that's sometimes weird.
But dirty anxiety.
That's the anxiety about anxiety.
It's those lifeguards.
They aren't just rowing.
They're performing rowing.
They're adding layers of oil,
Dramatic hair flips and intense stares to a simple task.
They're struggling against the water because.
.
.
They're too busy trying to look like they're struggling correctly.
I want you to notice something happening to you right now.
You've been rowing through your own life like that.
You're ruminating.
Worrying.
And trying to control the uncontrollable.
That's the avoidance.
So busy trying to manage the look of your stress.
That you've forgotten you're sitting on a.
.
.
Perfectly comfortable couch.
In a quiet house.
Like you to discover something.
You don't actually have to row.
In mindfulness-based stress reduction.
We talk about staying present with discomfort.
Rather than avoiding it.
So just for a moment.
Let's move directly into the body sensations.
Forget the show.
Forget the Hasselhoff-level drama.
Notice the weight of your body on the sea.
Notice the temperature of the air.
Notice the rhythm of your breath.
What a synchronised slow-motion boat-rowing brat.
It just your breath.
When you get caught up in the dirty anxiety.
That loop of.
.
.
Why am I stressed?
I should be calm.
You can almost hear the song,
Healing Waters by Starship.
That Baywatch ballad start playing in your head.
And that's your cue.
I wonder if you'll be surprised to discover the moment you acknowledge the absurdity of the rowing.
The moment you recognize the show you're putting on for yourself.
The oars stop.
You don't need to be concerned if the thoughts keep coming.
That's just the TV in the background.
You can choose.
To stop watching the performance.
You can decide.
Right now.
To engage in a little bit of self-care.
Simply being present with the body in motion.
Or in stillness without needing it to be a scene from a television show.
Sooner or later.
I don't know,
Just when.
You'll catch yourself in the middle of a rowing moment.
And you'll realize.
You're holding the oars for no reason.
And you can put them down.
Take a deep breath.
And as you exhale.
Had the dirty anxiety.
The metastress,
The performance,
The rowing dissolve into the quiet of the room.
You're not in a drama.
You're just here.
Fully away.
Fully present.
And completely off the boat.
