Welcome,
I'm Dr.
Piper Grant.
This practice is a gentle support for your nervous system through something many couples experience but rarely talk openly about,
Mismatched desire.
In many relationships,
One partner wants sex more often than the other.
And when that difference shows up,
It can create anxiety,
Shame,
Defensiveness,
Or distance.
The higher desire partner may feel rejected or unwanted.
And the lower desire partner may feel pressured,
Inadequate,
Or broken even.
The thing is that desire discrepancy is not a flaw in your relationship.
It is a rhythm,
Though,
Of difference.
A rhythm difference requires regulation,
Not urgency.
So,
Before we try to solve desire,
We first need to calm the body.
As we move into this practice,
I invite you to find a comfortable position.
This practice can be done in tandem with your partner or on your own,
Whatever feels most comfortable to you.
And I invite you to find a position that feels supportive and safe.
And if you feel comfortable,
I invite you to close your eyes and just begin to let your body settle as we move into this space and into this practice.
Taking a slow inhale through your nose,
And a longer exhale through your mouth.
Again,
A slow inhale,
And a long,
Releasing exhale,
Allowing your body to settle and let go and just find itself in this space.
We're going to begin to think about desire differences,
Thinking about the difference in desire and rhythms of that desire in your own relationship.
And I invite you to notice what happens in your body as you bring these thoughts to your mind.
Perhaps there is a tightening somewhere,
A shift somewhere,
A difference in heat or temperature.
Some begin to feel even an irritation in the body.
There's no right response.
There's nothing that we're looking for in particular.
Just a noticing.
And if you feel comfortable to do so,
I invite you to gently place one hand over your chest or your belly,
And just take a breath,
Find your body,
And take a breath noticing the slight rise and fall as you inhale and exhale.
And if it feels comfortable for you,
I'd love to invite you to offer an affirmation to yourself.
This makes sense.
Right now,
What I am feeling makes sense.
If you are the partner who wants more,
You might be feel longing or even frustration.
If you are the partner who wants less,
You might feel pressure or even confusion.
Both are human,
And both are understandable.
Taking another slow breath,
Noticing if your body is even feeling activated in the practice,
Thinking about this difference in rhythm of desire.
And I want you to imagine removing urgency from the equation.
Often,
When we have this difference in desire,
The sense of urgency can come through.
And so for this moment,
I invite you to accept and acknowledge that there is nothing to fix right now.
Nothing to negotiate,
Nothing to prove,
Just two nervous systems moving at different speeds.
Can you take a breath into that idea?
And let it go.
Desire is influenced by stress,
Exhaustion,
Resentment,
Hormones,
Identity shifts,
And emotional safety.
It is contextual.
It is relational.
It is developmental.
It is not a verdict on your worth or a judgment on your character.
And so I invite you to take one more slow inhale,
And a steady exhale,
Reminding your body that you are here,
You are showing up for this practice,
To slow down and remove that urgency.
And so silently,
If you can offer yourself one compassionate statement,
Such as this is context,
Not character,
Or perhaps we are not failing,
We are not broken,
Let that land in acceptance that desire can ebb and flow,
And yet when urgency softens,
Space opens.
And when you feel ready,
We are going to just slowly begin to bring your body back into the present,
With a gentle remembering that as you move forward,
Desire discrepancy is not incompatibility,
It is simply context.
And with that,
I invite you to bring yourself back into your present context,
Into the moment where you are at,
Perhaps slowly opening your eyes or moving your body,
And remembering that as you are here in your present context,
It can be softened,
It can shift,
Start with regulation,
And conversation can come later.
I thank you for joining me in this practice,
Be well.
