I don't quite know how to word this,
Other than to admit how disheartened I am.
Sometimes I wonder if most people are capable of understanding their emotions.
If they can handle themselves appropriately when faced by that which will undo their fantasy,
As they feel the truth.
I struggle very much to date,
Which is why when I fell for a beautiful soul,
I submitted to the concept of marriage,
Which actually contradicted my philosophy.
I later discovered who I had fallen for did not dance to the same song of love as myself.
Once everything was uncovered,
And I found what I always do in all of my relationships,
Which is attachment.
You know,
People don't love themselves enough,
Which is understandable when the world is continually putting us down.
So when someone comes along and says,
I absolutely adore the human you are.
I love your slight gummy smile,
Your awkward laugh when you're nervous,
Your inability to look me in the eyes during a conversation because you do not believe in the beauty that I see.
You're astonishing,
Astronomically gorgeous,
And I want to experience all that you are.
People immediately attach themselves when they're told that.
And that decision eventually kills love and brings a world of suffering.
Instead of solely appreciating the raw of that which underlies the ethereal connection,
It's extracted,
Branded,
Demanded,
Culturalized,
Materialized in forms of gifts.
You know,
This is a con.
I feel very alone when it comes to emotional maturity at this age.
I hope you succeed.
I hope you find all the treasure you need to see yourself happy.
For I think of you to be someone special.
That cosmic energy bolted inside the body of a transient organic instrument that plays the sweetest melodies.
To have heard,
Felt,
And danced to your song in a universe as vast as the human imagination was a privilege.
I didn't even know I write this of you.
But it is of my heart that I must confess the love I have for your existence.
And if you happen to hear these fumbling words of a man's voice who's weakened by your departure,
Know you're capable of anything you put your mind to.
As of now,
There is another source of energy that calls for me.
Somewhere,
Somehow,
I sense her novelty and depth,
As well as her beauty.
And I must go.
Farewell.
