Holding Two Things At Once: A Self-Love Practice

We often feel like we have to decide which side of a contradiction is true: I am enough, or I need to grow. I know myself, or I don't. I accept myself, or I want to change.

But perhaps we can hold both.

This meditation explores the space between knowing yourself and remaining open to discovering yourself.

Inspired by Aristotle's wisdom that knowing yourself is the beginning of wisdom, and the Zen practice of beginner's mind, you'll be invited to soften your grip on who you think you are while staying deeply connected to yourself.

This is an invitation to practice a more spacious kind of self-love.

Sometimes, the wisdom is in holding and observing it all.

Transcript

Holding two things at once. Take a moment to settle in. And allow your body to become supported by whatever is beneath you. You don't need to change anything right now. Just notice that you are here. Notice your breath. The inhale arriving. The exhale leaving. And for these next few minutes, Know that there is nowhere else you need to be. I want to begin with two ideas. The first comes from Aristotle. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. And the second comes from one of my Zen teachers, Who has taught me something that seems, At first, Completely opposite. Empty yourself. Don't know yourself so completely. Let go of the self. Come back to Beginner's Mind. Be willing to not know. Know yourself, And don't know yourself. Maybe you can feel the tension between these two ideas. We are often taught that when two things seem to contradict each other, We have to choose. This or that. Right or wrong. Certain or uncertain. Strong, Or vulnerable. Moving forward, Or letting go. But what if wisdom sometimes asks us to do something different? What if we can learn to hold two things at once? So, For a moment, Bring your attention to yourself. Notice who you believe yourself to be. Perhaps there are qualities you know about yourself. Things you have learned through experience, Things you love about yourself. Things you are still working on, Stories that you've gathered, The identities that you carry. The lessons you've learned. Let yourself know yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. And now, Without rejecting any of it. See if you can soften your grip. You don't have to be exactly who you've been. You don't have to know exactly. Who you're becoming. You can know yourself. In this moment. And still be curious about yourself. You can have a history. Without being imprisoned by it. You can have patterns without being defined by them. You can have a sense of self. Without needing to hold that self so tightly. Take a breath. And imagine making a little more room inside yourself. Some space for the person you know yourself to be. And room for the person you haven't met yet. This is one of the places where I think self-love becomes something so interesting. Self-love isn't necessarily saying, I love everything about myself. Instead it might be saying. . . I am willing to stay in relationship with myself. No matter what. Even when I surprise myself or when I change. Even when I don't understand myself. Or when I discover something new. Even when I realize something I believed about myself isn't true anymore. You can love yourself and still want to grow. You can accept yourself and still want something different. You can be proud of who you've become. And still be a beginner. You can know yourself. And remain open to discovering yourself. See if you can let one pair of opposites come to mind for you. Maybe I am enough and I am growing. I know and I don't know. I believe and I want to have faith. I am strong. And I need support. I accept where I am and I want to change. Just choose one and slightly repeat both sides to yourself. Not trying to decide which one is true. Not trying to solve the contradiction. Just allowing both to exist. Notice what happens in your body when you don't have to choose. Maybe there is a little more space now. Maybe there's some resistance, Uncertainty, Relief. There's nothing you need to make happen. Again, Just notice. This is the practice. Not finding the perfect answer. Not creating a perfect version of yourself. But becoming spacious enough to hold the complexity of being human. To know yourself. Without becoming fixed. To let go without abandoning yourself. To love who you are. Without requiring yourself to stay exactly the same. Take a slow breath in. And a long breath out. And perhaps carry this with you. I can know myself without defining myself. I can accept myself. Without staying the same. I can be both things. And when you're ready, Gently bring your awareness back to the room around you. Notice the surface beneath you. The sounds, Notice your breath. You can even open your eyes and look around the room, See what colors and textures are there. And take this beginner's mind with you. Curious about who you are. Curious about who you might become? And willing to meet yourself again and again. You don't have to choose. Sometimes. The wisdom is in holding both.