Welcome to this session on boundaries without guilt.
I'm really glad you're here.
And before we even get started,
I want you to take a moment to make sure you're really comfortable,
Whatever that means to you.
Maybe you're sitting up with some support in your back and maybe your feet on a cushion or on the floor so that you can feel some grounding.
Allow your hands to just maybe rest in your lap or beside you,
Whatever feels comfortable to you.
This practice is for anyone who cares deeply about other people and may have noticed that caring has started to cost more than it gives.
If you've ever said,
I'm fine,
When you really meant to say,
I know I can't keep doing this.
Or you say,
I don't have the capacity when the truth is much bigger than that.
This is for you.
You're not alone in this and this practice will hopefully help you with that.
And the first thing I want to share is that boundaries are not selfish.
We often have this idea that that's the case.
Boundaries is how you keep showing up as the person you want to be at work,
At home,
With yourself,
With the people you love.
And you don't have to change anything right now.
For the next few minutes,
We're going to simply practice and get into this whole practice around boundaries.
So when you're ready,
You may want to close your eyes or you can keep them softly open.
And I invite you to just deepen your breath a little bit in through the nose and a gentle exhale through the mouth.
Again,
Deep inhale,
Fill your lungs,
And then gently,
Slowly release it.
One more time.
Inhale.
And maybe exhale through the mouth with a little sigh.
Really letting go of any tension that may be in your body at the moment.
And then let your breath settle into just a natural,
Easy rhythm.
And then bring your awareness into your body.
Notice the places that feel heavy or tight.
Often it's our shoulders who may be pulling them up,
So see if you can soften and draw.
Down away from the ears,
Soften your jaw.
Maybe unclench your hands.
Just feel yourself fully arriving in this moment.
There is nothing to do.
Nothing to fix.
No one.
Is waiting on anything for you for the next few minutes.
And now we're going to name what's here.
And what we mean with that is just take a moment to check in with yourself.
How are you feeling right now?
Just really looking inward and seeing if anything comes up,
A word or a phrase.
Maybe an emotion that's present that you can name.
No need to judge it in one way or another.
We're not changing it at this point.
We're just seeing what's there.
We just want to name it and acknowledge it.
And we'll just sit with it for a couple more moments.
And then think about where you're feeling this emotion or sensation in your body.
Maybe it's your chest,
Maybe your stomach,
Maybe your throat.
Or maybe it's more subtle and it's not that easy to pinpoint.
Just notice.
And see if you can feel it somewhere in your body.
Breathe a little extra support to that area.
Again,
No need to.
.
.
To get wrapped up in a story about it,
Just notice that.
And if an emotion that you're feeling is guilt,
Allow that to be.
Guilt doesn't mean you're doing something wrong necessarily.
It often means that you are you care about what's going on here.
And guilt is something that comes up a lot around boundaries.
And I'd like you to now just move into very gentle visualization your boundary of light.
So just follow me here.
Imagining a soft glowing light that surrounds you.
Perhaps it's golden or.
.
.
White or yellow,
Maybe even a calm shade of blue or a color that's entirely your own.
This sort of light bubble around you is your personal boundary.
It's your sacred space.
It wraps around you like a cocoon.
Just keeping you warm and safe and it's completely yours.
And with every breath in,
Imagine this light growing a little stronger and brighter.
And breathe every exhale.
Just notice.
Exactly where it is.
Release what no longer serves you.
Release any tension you might feel,
Any guilt you might be feeling,
Any old stories about what you should be doing.
What you should be light.
What you act or feel or look like.
Let all of that dissolve into the air outside this gentle cocoon.
To sit inside your little bubble.
Your boundary of light.
Just allow it to really gently expand just so you have enough room inside of it.
It doesn't want to You don't want it to be constrictive anyway,
So not so far that it feels distant,
But enough to give you space.
It is a flexible bubble.
It is responsive,
Alive.
And it protects your energy,
Your focus,
And your well-being.
So take a few breaths here,
Strengthening that boundary,
That light bubble,
And soften it as you exhale,
Soften into ease.
Now gently.
I'd like you to bring to mind a situation or a relationship where you are stretched too thin.
Where you know you're struggling with a boundary or maybe the boundary feels unclear or not respected.
So choose something real.
But maybe not the heaviest thing you carry.
That's better suited to work one-on-one with someone.
So something you can work with on your own with my support here today.
And when you have thought of a situation,
See yourself standing in that situation.
But this time,
Your bubble that we created,
Your glowing light surrounds you and it is steady,
It is grounded,
It is unshakable.
Notice how it feels to be in the situation but with your boundary intact.
With your support bubble right around you.
You can still connect.
You still care.
But you are no longer giving away more than you choose to.
See how that feels.
See the situation.
And now imagine seeing.
One clear and kind sentence.
Not an apology,
Not a long explanation,
But maybe something like I am offline after six,
And I'm happy to reconnect in the morning.
If it's a work situation.
Or if it is.
Bay.
Personal situation maybe I am Too busy today to deal with this.
I will look at it tomorrow.
Or simply I can't take that on right now.
No explanation needed.
Hear yourself say this in this situation,
A calm,
Even voice.
No over-explaining,
No apology.
Just clear and to a point,
But kind.
And if that was tricky,
Imagine you're watching a friend say those same words calmly and kindly.
How would you feel about this friend saying it to someone?
Would you be upset?
Or would you be impressed?
Because chances are you wouldn't tell her.
To feel guilty.
So notice if there is a double standard here.
And let yourself Soften toward it.
Let yourself off this hook.
Higher standard that you have for yourself than you have for anybody else.
And if in this scenario or in real life the other person pushes back,
That's okay.
It doesn't mean that you're on the wrong track or that you're not allowed to have a boundary.
It means that perhaps you are showing up differently for the first time and other people might need time to adjust.
So you can stay curious and steady at the same time.
And if it's supportive,
You can silently repeat to yourself,
Now or in these situations,
Boundaries help me to protect what matters most.
Boundaries help me protect what matters most.
Just tell yourself that you're not being selfish.
You are.
Helping yourself protect what matters to you and increase your capacity by taking care of yourself first.
Boundaries help me protect what matters most.
So let those words just settle into your mind and body.
And we'll take one final breath in here together,
Deep breath in.
And a slow exhale.
And as we're starting to close to practice,
Feel some gratitude towards yourself for taking this time.
To tend to your inner space and strengthen your energy.
Remember that you can return to this light at any moment.
With just a breath and some intention.
When you're ready,
Begin to open your eyes if you have them closed,
And just gently bring your awareness back to the room,
Perhaps wiggling your fingers and toes.
Gently roll your neck or shoulders.
And when it feels right,
Just come back to the room.
And just take a moment to.
Notice how you feel now compared to when we started.
To see if there's a difference.
Now I'd like to end with some journal prompts so that you can integrate what we've learned here.
So if you'd like to take this deeper,
Grab a pen and paper whenever you're ready.
Here are three prompts I'm going to ask you to churn along if you like,
Now or later.
The first one.
Where am I not setting a boundary that I truly need?
You can pause here and answer.
Where am I not setting a boundary that I truly know?
And the second one is,
Where am I saying yes when my heart wants to say no?
Where am I saying yes when my heart wants to say no?
And the third one,
Where am I overextending out of fear?
Where I could be more powerful with a kind no.
And a small challenge that I invite you to over the next couple of days,
Notice the moments when you feel irritated.
Because often irritation is a boundary that is either being violated or you haven't even put into words yet.
Something that matters to you is being present.
Attached somehow.
You don't need to change anything.
Just get curious and maybe write down an insight once or twice of something that irritated you.
And maybe come back to this exercise and see if you can work through it.
Remember,
Every no that you practice creates more space for a bigger wholehearted yes that you really need.
It is the opposite of selfish.
Thank you for practicing with me,
And I look forward to seeing you another time.
Take care.
