Les 1
Transforming Guilt ~ From Inner Critic To Inner Mediation
Guilt is an inner conflict between a part in us that chose an action and a part in us that condemns that action. It says "I did something wrong".
I invite you to first listen to the session in full. I will explain the NVC perspective on guilt in depth, and give a detailed instruction for working with it. You can then return to this description for the journaling exercise, which I repeat in brief below, to serve as a reminder.
***
Journaling Exercise: The Guilt Process
1. Take a piece of paper. This can be digital or actual paper, although physical writing can have an added effect as we're involving more of our body, so I'd suggest to use that--your choice.
2. Divide the paper vertically with a line, and write on the top left 'Educator' and on the top right 'Chooser'--you can switch those, it doesn't really matter, as long as there is this division.
3. Let the part that speaks the loudest go first--for many of us this will be the Educator--and let out in writing all the judgments, condemnations, advices, et cetera. Really allow a purge to occur. In this stage, we want to express judgmentalness to the max, because this makes the next step easier, plus: the purge is cathartic.
4. Through the judgments you will slowly detect what needs or values this part is trying to make you aware of. To facilitate this process of conection, use the 'NVC needs list' to help you guess (see pinned comment in the classroom).
5. Once you land on the needs for this part, take some time to connect deeply to the beauty of those needs, until you 'fall in love' with them. This is a very important step, because it integrates the learning that this part is wanting to share with us. You want to feel the connection in your body; often this is marked by a sigh of recognition and release.
6. When this feels complete--you've reached the end of words--go to the other side, to the other part, and repeat the process.
7. You may find that you'll pendulate back and forth between the Educator and the Chooser; this is fine, we want to flow along with life, as long as you end up feeling relaxation and presence, holding both parts with empathy and understanding. You will feel it when the process is complete.
Les 2
Empathic Attunement To Our Beautiful Shame
Seeing the beauty in our shame touches at the core of our journaling journey, because shame is the conviction that 'I am not OK'.
Again, I invite you to first listen to the session in full. I will explain the NVC perspective on shame in depth, and give a detailed instruction for working with it. You can then return to this description for the journaling exercise, which I repeat in brief below as a reminder.
***
Journaling Exercise: The Beauty Of Shame
Part 1 - Getting Familiar
1. Write about one or several experience(s) you had in your life where you felt emberrassed or ashamed. Notice particularly how you felt--what physical sensations did you have, how did the shame manifest for you in your body?
Part 2 - Seeing The Beauty
1. Journal about the moments--take as many as you like but keep it manageable, so I suggest maximum 3--that feeds your narrative of self-rejection.
2. These narratives typically become clear when we consider the roles we have in life, such as 'mother', 'son', 'employee', 'spiritual teacher', 'husband', etc.--you might for instance have a story 'I am a bad mother because....'
3. In writing, clearly separate: observations - feelings - thoughts - needs.
4. Pay particular attention to the 'shame needs' mentioned in the audio--Belonging, Acceptance, Dignity--and when you land on a need, stay with it until you see its beauty--remembering that you want to feel the connection in your body; often this is marked by a sigh of recognition, which is a sign of contact with presence.
5. Take it slow and only stop when you've reached the end of words--you will feel it when the process is complete.
6. Optional Deepening: If you want to add a layer of practice, you can listen to my track 'Working With Shame ~ From Self-Rejection To Self-Compassion'--but only do that as an optional extra, not as replacement of the journaling.
Les 3
Massaging The Contracted Self ~ A Nondual Perspective
When we look deeply and clearly into our actual moment-to-moment experience, we see that we are not separate from our environment.
This nonduality of self and world means that all self-images we might have--let alone any negative ones--are based on a kind of perceptual misunderstanding.
As a bit of an intermezzo, allow this session to massage your mind's contraction about the idea of being a separate self that could somehow not be okay.
I hope you enjoy this special session.
Les 4
Reprogramming Our Source Code ~ An Appreciative Autobiography
There are a million different ways we could write up our lives, so why not make it awesome?
This is the culmination of the course. After transforming negative images of guilt and shame, and seeing the relative falsehood of self-stories in general, we'll now re-write our life-story from the perspective of someone who deeply appreciates us.
This practice will not only give us a more positive outlook on our life thusfar lived, but also create the very important habit of self-appreciation.
Enjoy the beauty that is you!
I invite you to first listen to the session in full again. I will speak to the power of writing based on scientific evidence, and give a detailed instruction for the journaling of this session. You can then return to this description for the exercise, which I repeat in brief below, as a reminder.
***
Journaling Exercise: An Appreciative Autobiography
1. Divide your life in blocks of 5 years.
2. In every block, identify 1, 2 or 3 moments or experiences that you are grateful for and/or where you appreciate yourself. Ask yourself:
> What successes did I have?
> What hardships did I weather?
> What difficult but good choices did I make?
> What am I grateful for?
> What did I learn?
3. Use the clarity of NVC's '4 step model' to distinctly write about what you observed, what feelings you had, and what needs were met.
4. Allow yourself to be touched by what you write, don't rush the process, and make an effort to find the words that truly express self-appreciation and gratitude--gratitude for the needs that you were able to meet for yourself and others in your life.
5. If the voice of shame or guilt comes up, don't worry--this inner critic, as you now know, is a bearer of beautiful needs; simply practice attuning compassionately to what it truly has to say, beyond the level of judgments. See it as great extra practice!
6. Let gratitude make your heart warm and still. Enjoy the self-appreciation that will come.
Les 5
A Gift To Myself ~ Planning From Positivity
This session is the cherry on top.
Having established a far more positive outlook on yourself and your life, I invite you to plan something for yourself as a gift, to make your life more wonderful. And know that if you are a happier person, everyone around you benefits. Life lived like this is a win-win-win for everyone. This is the magic of NVC.
***
Journaling Exercise: A Gift To Myself
1. Connect for a moment with what you've learned, experienced, and absorbed from the last few sessions.
2. From that connection, ask your self the question: what would I want to give myself, to make my life more wonderful? This can be something small, something big, a one-time thing or a recurring request--it's for you, so make it yours :)
3. Write in detail what your self-request would be, and, if applicable, use the S.M.A.R.T. model: make your aim or goal(s) Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. This will make your goal or gift more likely to be realized. For example, instead of saying 'I want to allow more happiness for myself', what works better is 'I want to go on a cruise to the Bahamas next Spring'.
4. A an additional suggestion, you can connect to the needs--the kind of experience you'd love to have--as a guide for formulating your self-gift. Maybe you want to experience joy, or dignity, or love? Whatever your 'why', make sure that the 'what' of the request touches it. This connection to needs will make your self-request even more amazing.
That's it! With this exercise you've completed the course, and I truly hope your journey was beautiful.
I hope to see you around,
Love,
Hans
