Freedom From Stress: How Are You Relating?

This video gives us some simple ways of reducing stress, overwhelm and suffering by how we meet life or relate to others. We can reduce the amount of stress and suffering we experience by how we relate to life, ourselves, others and challenges with awareness, acceptance and letting go.
The information provided in this video or by Michael Kane is intended for informational, educational and entertainment purposes and is not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions.

Transcript

So let's talk about and explore how we can actually reduce the amount of stress overwhelmed. And suffering in our lives by how we relate to or meet these challenges, Other people, Whether those challenges are internal or external, And especially those things that we cannot change right there were certainly be. There will certainly be some stress and overwhelm that are created from past traumas and past events, Unprocessed emotions, But really what we're talking about today are the everyday stressors and things that create suffering for us. That we create really, You know, We can take responsibility for this in a way by how we relate to or meet these challenges or other people. And really this is great news in a way, Because if it was. . . The people around us and the experiences that we're experiencing, Internal, External, The challenges that we're experiencing. If those things were the things that were creating our stress and our suffering, There wouldn't be much we can do about it. But the good news is that It is the way that we're relating or meeting these challenges. That really creates a lot of the suffering and the stress. And that's good news because there's something we can do about that. We can be aware. Of how we're doing that and we can change the way that we relate or meet life's challenges. There is a bumper sticker that I saw years ago and it said, Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional, Right? So it's that optional part that creates a lot of our struggles. Stress and overwhelm and suffering, Right? And what it means by that, The optional part, Is how I'm relating to any particular experience. We know that, For the most part, A lot of our stress is created by how I'm resisting things, Right? I'm wanting things to be different than they are, Especially the things that I cannot change, Right? Resisting other people, Resisting my experiences, Again, Whether they're internal or external, And so. . . You know, Stress is resistance. I like this thing. I don't want it to change, Which of course it will. I don't like this thing or this person. And I want it to change, Which of course it probably won't, Right? As we have heard many times, Whatever I resist persists. So this talk is really about exploring this ability to. . . Be aware of and change the way that I meet or relate to life's challenges. And again, That's really good news. And the other thing that happens here that every time that I'm able to be with something that's difficult or challenging, I'm actually building capacity. What we talk about sometimes is the window of tolerance, Right? The more I'm able to open up to and surrender to the things I can't change, The more capacity I have. And capacity really equals freedom in a way. It gives me much more ability and tolerance in my life to deal with things, Which creates a lot more settling in my nervous system and in my life. So that's really great because it goes the opposite way too. The more I try to get away from life, The more I back away from challenges and difficult things. The smaller my capacity gets, The smaller my window of tolerance gets. So it is in our best interest to really work with this, What is really simple in a way, Not necessarily easy, But a simple way of reducing stress, Overwhelm, And suffering by how I relate to challenges, Other people, And difficulties, Right? I love to use this example of a traffic jam. So, You know, You're in a traffic jam and on the right side of you, You see a guy beating on his steering wheel and yelling and being angry about not being able to move in the traffic jam. Left side you see someone listening to music and relaxing and like wow this is great, I get this time to just hang out and listen to music. Same traffic jam, Two different ways of relating, And two different ways that the system is having to deal with this particular experience. In reality, It's not. The fault of the traffic jam, The traffic jam isn't doing it to you, It really turns out that it's how you're relating to the traffic jam or any other experience that you're having. So again, That's good news because we can do something about that. So what can we do about that? The first and most important. Thing that we can do is be aware and for some of us that takes a bit of training like a mindfulness practice How can we learn? To be present and mindful of what's happening throughout our day. We don't have to be aware all the time, But when we start to notice stress or overwhelm or suffering in some way. We can begin to step back and notice it in our bodies, In our minds, How we're experiencing that stress. So that's the first and I think most important part is having some kind of discernment. Being able to see what's happening or feel what's happening. And so when you are aware of things, You have more choices. You can choose how to relate or experience it. So that's the first thing. The second thing is really Kind of checking in underneath that when you feel the suffering or you feel stress, You want to kind of ask, How is this happening? What's creating this stress or the suffering? And you want to be looking for, Am I trying to make things different that I can't change? Like I'm wanting life to be different in some way. Do I have some expectations? Expectations will almost always create stress or suffering for us because we can't really control it. Control things. Speaking of control, How am I trying to control another person or myself or the environment around me or the challenge that's at hand? That can create a lot of stress and suffering. So that second part is really, First part is being mindful, Noticing, Being aware, And present with. What's happening? Second part is how is it happening? What's creating my stress? Most likely, It's how I am meeting life, Right? How I'm relating to it. So I can look at that. And then third, It's really about letting go, Right? Accepting, Allowing, And letting go of of that tightness, Embracing, And ways that I'm relating that actually create stress, Overwhelm, And suffering, Right? Being able to surrender. To the things that I cannot change. You will almost immediately notice that your body changes, Your mind settles and relaxes. In being able to surrender to any particular challenge. You can test this out for yourself. You don't have to believe me. Maybe you could notice in today or yesterday or in the near past that if you bring up something that created some kind of stress for you, You might play with that a little bit. What was creating the stress? Were you trying to make things different? Did you have expectations? You might just play with that a little bit and notice what it would be like if you were in that same experience again and you were able to let go. And you might notice it in the next few hours or the next few days. Try this out. Really notice how you relate to things and notice if you can do something about it, If you can change the way that you relate or meet life and life's challenges. And you'll find that this really makes a big difference in your life. You'll have more energy at the end of the day and you'll live healthier. All. That stress is one of the leading causes of chronic illness. And so, Of course, If we can reduce the amount of stress we have, We're going to feel better, We're going to live longer and be healthier. So I hope this is helpful. I hope you'll. . . You'll explore this yourself. I'll look forward to seeing you again. Thank you.