Welcome,
And I hope that each one of you will come to find peace within yourself.
Today I want to talk a little bit about the circle of control.
And this meditation is based on a live session I did recently.
And add its core.
Bitch.
Takeaway is that peace grows when our attention returns to what is truly ours,
Truly ours to take care of.
Everything then becomes like the weather.
You can feel it,
Prepare for it,
Respond to it,
But you cannot command it.
Actually,
There are three circles.
The circle of concern,
The circle of influence,
And then the circle of control.
The circle of concern are things that you care about,
But you can't possibly do anything about.
Other people's opinions,
Their emotions,
The past,
The weather,
The economy,
Or someone's response to you.
And there's so much going on in the world today with floods and droughts and wars and illnesses and contaminated vegetables and rivers running out of water and heat waves.
Those are all things we can't control.
They're in that outer circle,
Circle of concern.
And the circle of influence are things that you can affect but not command,
Like how you initiate a conversation,
How you advocate for your needs,
How you set a boundary.
Focusing on your circle of influence encourages proactive behavior rather than reactive worry.
And by directing energy towards areas where you can actually make a difference,
You become more effective,
You reduce stress,
And you help foster positive outcomes.
Examples might include improving your skills,
Or nurturing relationships,
Or taking initiative in your workspace.
Over time,
Consistent action in these areas can expand your circle of influence,
Allowing you to affect more aspects of your environment,
And inspire others.
Then there's the circle of control.
These are things that we can actually have some control over.
Your breath,
Your choices,
Your values,
Your attention,
Your boundaries.
This is where clarity,
Empowerment,
And steadiness live.
What I love about this model is that it's not just cognitive,
It's somatic.
When you shift your attention back into what you can actually do,
Your nervous system stops bracing against the impossible.
It's the difference between managing a room and inhabiting your groundedness.
And it's really a shift from how do I make them feel safe to how do I embody safety in myself.
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus said,
Some things are within our power while others are not.
Wise words.
Let's close our eyes now and let's get in touch with our breath.
And it doesn't matter if you're sitting,
Standing,
Lying down,
Or kicked back in your favorite recliner.
The only thing that truly matters when you meditate is that you're comfortable and alert So let's start to settle in.
We're just breathing in and breathing out.
One breath at a time.
And then the next.
And then the next.
And that is the present moment everyone seeks.
One breath.
One inhale.
And one exhale.
Let's scan our body.
Relax your face.
It's way too tense.
Unfurl your brow.
And unclench your jaw.
Relax your neck.
I roll mine around.
You can do whatever makes you happy.
Relax your shoulders.
I raised mine up and let them drop,
But again,
You can do whatever you like.
Because it's always your meditation.
I'm just a guide.
Relax your arms and your hands.
Look for any tension in your chest and belly.
And then relax your legs and your feet.
And as you begin to relax and settle into this moment,
Let's focus even more on our breath.
Our breath is like a river as it flows in and flows out.
Our breath is our anchor.
And your breath is one of the few things in your entire life that you can exert control over and change your life for the better.
And if you have thoughts,
We all do.
Just let them go.
They're like clouds in the sky or waves on a lake.
The same goes for sounds you might hear.
Just begin by settling in.
And let your body be in a comfortable position.
Just be relaxed.
Let your hands rest softly and let your breath arrive just as it is.
You're trying to breathe like you,
You're not trying to breathe like me.
Take a slow inhale,
And a gentle exhale,
And let the breath be your first reminder.
This is within your circle of control.
Now,
Imagine you're standing at the edge of a river.
Not a dramatic river,
But a familiar one.
A river that feels like home.
A river that has carried you through many seasons.
Now the water closest to your feet is calm and clear and steady.
You can see the pebbles beneath the surface on the bottom.
And you can reach down and touch it.
This part of the river represents your circle of control,
The things you can directly influence.
Your breath.
Your posture.
Your choices.
Your responses,
Your attention.
Let yourself feel how close this water is,
How available,
And how honest.
Now lift your gaze slightly and notice the middle of the river.
The part that moves with more energy.
It's still connected to you,
But you can't quite touch it.
This is your circle of influence.
The things you can shape.
But not fully controlled.
Conversations.
Relationships.
Projects.
Outcomes that involve other people.
You can guide this water,
But you cannot command it.
Now widen your awareness to the far side of the river,
The fast moving current.
That part rushes and swirls.
It carries leaves and branches and debris.
This is the circle of concern.
The things you care about deeply but cannot control.
Other people's choices.
The past.
The future.
The weather.
The world's noise,
The unpredictable flow of life.
Let yourself notice how far away that water is.
How impossible it is to reach it.
How exhausting it would be to even try.
Now return your attention to the water at your feet,
The circle of control.
And here I'm going to pause for a minute and let you just breathe and think and continue to relax and I'll be back.
Now we've returned to the water that's by our feet,
Our circle of control.
And in this moment feel how steady it is.
How loyal.
How present.
Take a slow breath in and a gentle breath out.
Let the river teach you something.
Calm is not found by controlling the whole river.
Calm is found by returning.
Again and again to the part that you can touch.
Now imagine dipping your hand into the water.
Feel its coolness.
It's clarity.
It's simplicity.
This is your breath.
This is your attention.
This is your choice to soften your shoulders.
This is your ability to pause before reacting.
This is also your ability to speak truthfully.
And it's your ability to step back when needed.
It's also the ability to care for your own nervous system.
Everything else,
The middle current,
The fire current.
Can be witnessed without being wrestled.
Now imagine the river widening slightly.
The far current becomes louder.
Maybe something stressful floats by.
A worry.
A memory.
Maybe a conversation or a fear.
But instead of reaching for it,
Simply say inwardly,
That belongs to the river,
Let it pass.
Return your hand to the water at your feet.
Return to what is yours.
Take another slow breath.
And feel the difference between effort and presence,
Between gripping and noticing,
Between trying to control the whole river and simply standing at its edge.
Let your breath be the anchor.
Let your body be the shoreline.
And let your attention be the hand in the water.
Now imagine the sun warming the surface of the river.
That light softens everything.
The fire current still moves,
But it no longer demands your involvement.
And the middle current still flows,
But you don't need to chase it.
The water at your feet remains steady,
Clear,
And clearly yours.
Stay here for a few breaths.
And let the simplicity of this moment settle into you.
When you're ready,
Gently lift your hand from the water.
And feel the air on your skin.
Feel the steadiness you've cultivated.
Feel how calm is not a place you arrive,
It's a practice of returning.
Now take in one last slow inhale.
And let out the breath through your mouth,
Letting out a sigh.
Let the river remain with you.
Let the circle of control remain with you.
And let the calm remain with you.
When you're ready,
Open up your eyes and come back into the room.
Wiggle your fingers and toes and stretch and feel how good it is to be alive.
How good it is to be in this moment.
How good it is to be here with your circle of control and recognizing the difference.
There are so many things that we cannot control in our lives.
And it drains our energy when we try.
To control those things.
All it does is drain us.
If you follow my meditations or my live sessions,
You know I like quotes.
So I'm going to give a quote from author Stephen Covey,
Who wrote the book about the circle of control.
And he said,
Anytime we think the problem is out there with others or in circumstances that very thought itself is the problem because we empower what's out there to continue to control us.
Maintain your circle of control,
And take care of the things you can control,
And let the other things go.
I hope this has been a beneficial and calming session for each and every one of you.
Till next time.
