The connection between my body and me is slowly starting to grow after many years of not realizing that my body is its own being,
Wanting to feel safe and loved by me.
I used to see my body as a tool,
A slave even.
I simply wanted it to do what my mind was telling it.
To work out,
To sleep when I wanted it to sleep,
To be resilient.
It listened most of the time,
It was strong and it was lean because I gave it less food than it wanted.
Even when I was under a lot of stress,
Chronic stress,
My body would continue to do what it was supposed to do,
Day in day out.
I remember many years ago when I was playing field hockey,
That I would make my body work so hard it would fall on the ground after the game was over,
Completely collapsing.
Not as a fun joke,
It literally was pushed to its limits.
But it didn't seem like a bad thing to me,
Because I was receiving compliments,
Admiration for my performance.
So I didn't care that it was tired.
I didn't care what it wanted,
Because I simply saw it as a tool to get what I wanted in life.
Now looking back,
It makes me tear up thinking about it.
My body has gone through so much and only when it was truly too much,
It would stop.
Twice in my life,
My body didn't function the way I wanted it to.
You can call it chronic fatigue or a burnout.
It doesn't matter what you name it.
The point is,
It couldn't do much anymore.
Even taking a walk would cause intense symptoms.
It was the second time that I finally realized my body is its own being.
And I am its guide.
I want it to feel safe in my presence.
To feel loved.
And that doesn't happen through force,
But through listening and respecting its boundaries.
I see now it's not trying to stop me from living my life.
It's trying to let me feel what is good for me and what isn't.
And while I treat it with respect,
It is still getting stronger.
But this time,
Slow and steady.
Maybe I am not guiding my body,
But it is actually guiding me.
And the more I listen and respond kindly,
The more I'm starting to enjoy life.
My body seems to know so much more than I do.
It knows whose presence is making me feel calm.
It knows when to pull back and rest.
It knows which foods are supporting my health.
It knows which times it needs to eat.
It knows when it's time to see a doctor.
And it knows when it's safe.
Only by truly listening and giving it a lot of proof that I am now its friend,
It seems to surrender more and more.
Not as my slave,
But as a friend that knows I won't let it down.
I won't put my ego before my health.
From now on,
It's me and my body,
Together.
Living our lives in synchrony,
In peace.
As a couple,
Supporting and appreciating each other.
My dear body,
Thank you for all your effort,
Your wisdom and strength.
For letting me experience life.
I love you.
