Welcome to this guided reflection The Stories We Tell Ourselves I'm not enough.
My needs don't matter.
I'm a bad friend.
Many of us carry stories about ourselves that were never really ours to carry.
In this guided reflection,
I share some of my own stories.
Then guide you to settle the breath and gently explore yours.
Where they came from.
How they shape you.
And which ones you might be ready to let go.
You may like to have a notebook nearby.
So you can not only jot down things as we go,
But at the end as well.
It's time to take a moment for you.
Are the stories you tell yourself kind ones?
Or do you find yourself focusing on the unkind ones?
What you did wrong?
Why you're not as good as everyone else?
That you're not enough.
Not enough as a mother,
As a partner,
As a daughter.
As a friend.
As a colleague.
At mid-life.
Are the stories you tell yourself making you feel stressed or overwhelmed?
Our experiences and beliefs shape how we show up in the world and how we see it.
Over time,
They can turn into the stories we tell ourselves.
And those stories can affect the choices we make.
And even the people we spend time with.
For years,
I told myself I was a dud friend.
It was my I'm a bad friend story.
I never had enough time to catch up,
I often had to cancel and I'd forget to return messages.
The truth is,
I love people.
And I only ever want to do the right thing by them.
But I held on to that dud friend story for a long time.
Another story I've told myself is that I always need to put others first.
That I have to go out of my way to please everyone because I don't want anyone to think badly of me.
It meant I often stayed quiet when really.
.
.
I needed to speak up and say that's not okay.
Instead,
I'd hear myself saying,
Sure,
That's absolutely fine.
Of course I'll do that,
Yes!
Midnight.
No worries.
What I've discovered is that we can also tell ourselves kinder stories.
I am enough.
I do enough for the people I love.
I'm not perfect,
But I care deeply about other people's feelings.
As a psychologist,
I'll often ask clients to pause and name the story that has just shown up.
Perhaps it's the I'm always angry story.
The I'm not enough story.
The my needs don't matter story.
Other common ones are,
I don't belong.
And I'm not worthy.
In a moment,
I'm going to ask you some questions to help you explore your own stories.
But first,
Let's take some time to slow the breath and get present so you can give yourself the space to really listen.
Find a comfortable position.
Close your eyes or let your gaze rest softly in front of you.
Take a slow breath in.
And a slow breath out.
Now choose one part of the breath to focus on.
It might be the breath as it comes in or the breath as it leaves your body.
Just rest your attention there.
The breath in.
The breath out.
The breath in and out.
The breath out.
Notice the softness in your hands.
Squeeze your hands and let them go.
Notice the feeling of heaviness,
Of softness.
Of calm.
Let your shoulders drop.
Let your jaw soften.
Now gently ask yourself.
What stories am I carrying?
Don't think too hard,
Just notice the first thoughts that come into your head.
I might have mentioned a story that rings true for you.
What story are you carrying?
Now choose one story you've noticed.
And give it a name.
Blah blah story.
Thinking about that story.
How does it affect the way you act?
Think about how it affects the way that you act and behave.
Does it stop you from doing things?
Does it mean you miss out on things that you absolutely love?
Is it make your voice quiet when really all you want to do is speak up?
How does this story serve you?
In other words,
Has it helped you in some way?
Perhaps once it kept you safe.
Or it helped you fit in.
How do you think this story?
Has served you.
Who has influenced this story.
Perhaps it came from your past,
From school,
From family.
Or friends.
Someone may have said something that made you believe this story defines you.
Or perhaps it came from the media,
Or just from society in general.
Who has influenced this story?
If a friend or family member that you trust was here with you now,
Would they agree that this story is true?
So think about a trusted friend or family member.
And they're here with you now.
Would they agree that this story is true?
And are you carrying a story that isn't actually yours to carry?
Is this someone else's story?
Are you carrying a story that isn't actually yours to carry?
It's actually someone else's story.
And somehow.
You've taken it on board.
So often when clients begin to unpack their stories.
They realized the story was never theirs in the first place.
A parent,
A sibling.
Or a friend told them enough times that they were thoughtless.
Or not worthy of love.
And over the years they came to believe it.
Now ask yourself,
Which story might I be ready to let go of or shift?
Or see differently.
Which story are you ready to let go of?
Shift.
Or see differently.
And if you were to tell yourself a kinder story.
.
.
What would it be?
Imagine saying it to yourself the way you would say it to a dear friend.
Imagine seeing yourself saying it to a dear friend,
A kinder story.
Hold that kinder story for a moment.
Notice how it feels in your body.
You don't have to let go of an old story all at once.
Just noticing it is a powerful first step.
Hold the kinder story and notice how it feels in your body.
Just noticing it is a powerful first step.
Keep telling yourself that kind of story.
Take one more slow breath in.
And out.
Feel your body supported beneath you.
Wriggle your fingers and your toes.
And when you're ready,
Gently open your eyes.
You might like to write down the kind of story you discovered today.
Remember.
To choose kindness.
And if you're struggling with your emotions or your mental health,
Please reach out to your doctor.
Or a mental health professional you trust.
Take care.
Have a great day.
And bye for now.
