Softening Selfing

We are living in a time when uncertainty is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. The climate is certainly changing. Weather patterns are changing. Water availability is changing. Fires, floods, droughts, heat, and storms are becoming part of the everyday landscape of our lives. Communities are being asked to adapt to circumstances that may be very different from what they have known. And underneath all of this is something that can be difficult for us to sit with:
We don't know what is going to happen. We don't know exactly what the world will look like ten years from now, or twenty years from now.

This talk looks at our relationship to uncertainty and how softening our identification may be helpful.

Transcript

So. DARPA. What I'd like to talk about today. Is, You know, We've been focusing on the self, The fetters. Sort of awakening as a general idea, Concept happening. And. . . What's been really alive for me is, Well, Why? Why are we focusing on Awakening. Like, Why are we trying to look past suffering better? Why are we so. . . Interested. In thee. Lightening of self, The softening of self. And I think that. . . For me, What is really alive in this is that we live in a time. Where there's a tremendous amount of uncertainty. It's really good. It's really increasingly difficult to ignore that. You know, The climate. Is certainly changing. Weather patterns are changing. Water availability is changing. Fires and floods and drought and heat and storms are part of our everyday landscape in our lives right now. And I think that what I'm noticing is that communities. Are being asked to adapt to circumstances. That may be very difficult from what they've known. And underneath all of this is something that can be difficult for us to sit with. Witches. We don't know. What's going to happen. We don't know exactly what the world's going to look like in 10 years from now. Or 20 years from now, And maybe. You might not be here. Lucky you. We don't know what changes we may bring. Meet in the future. We don't know what our children or our grandchildren will experience. And This uncertainty. Is difficult for the human mind to to digest. And when uncertainty becomes threatening. Something very familiar happens in the mind. The mind begins to contract around the self. What will happen to me? Will I be safe? Will my home be safe? Will the people that I love be safe? What will I have to give up? How will I manage? Like these are the questions. That come when there's uncertainty. And there's nothing wrong with these questions. They're deeply human. But the Buddha invites us to look more closely at what's happening in the mind when we experience uncertainty and when we experience threat. And one of the places that the Buddha directs our attention. What we've been exploring. Or are these fetters? The way the mind becomes bound. And caught. And the first fetter that we've been sort of exploring is the fetter of the self. And this is not simply the thought that, Okay, I exist. The problem is subtler than that. It's the continual activity of self-examination. So the mind takes in an experience and organizes around it like this is me and this is mine. My body, My life, My security, My opinion, My future, My suffering. My success, My failure. Me, Mine, Me, Mine. And because this sense of self is, It feels so intimate, You know, And immediate. We don't usually recognize. That it's something that the mind is continually constructing. We experience it as though There is a solid entity inside this body. A fixed me who is moving through the world. That's the experience. But what can happen, What has happened for many of us is when we get quiet. And look carefully, Like what do we find? We find sensations and we find feelings. There are perceptions, And there are memories, And there are thoughts, And there are moods. Intentions, Even consciousness itself like just the aware of being aware. And all of these things are changing, The body and the thoughts and the feelings, The preferences. Everything is changing. Even the person that we believed ourselves to be like 10 years ago. We even seem like a different person. And yet the mind, The mind gathers around all this changing experience. And slaps on the label, This is me. I am fill in the blank. And this is what we might call selfing. Selfing. In my experience, This is where the practice becomes really practical. Because the question isn't simply, Is there a self or isn't there a self? The more useful question is, What happens when I believe the self is solid? And what happens? What's possible. Would I soften that belief? When the self is experienced as solid, We become more vulnerable to the world. The world is not as safe. Because if there's a fixed me, Then the world becomes something that is happening to me. Something is threatening me. Something is taken from me. Something out there is interfering with my plans. And something out there is challenging my identity. And the more uncertain the world becomes, The more tightly we grip. You know, We try to make things certain. We want control. We try to know and we try to protect ourselves and preserve the life that we imagine that we're supposed to be having. What I'm very aware of, In particular as it relates to our changing climate, Is that There's so much we can't control. Now that doesn't mean there's nothing we can do. There's a profound difference between responding wisely to what's happening and fighting reality. Because reality's not giving us what we want. So this is where there's a connection between the Buddhist teaching of not-self and the practice of resilience. So I think we often think of resilience as the ability to be with or withstand difficulty, But in my experience on this path, Resilience is really about being more flexible. You know, The tree that survives a strong wind is not necessarily the tree that's most rigid. It's a tree that can move. And there's. . . Something really similar. About that in this practice. We have a very solid idea of who we are. It becomes difficult to move. Like, This is who I am. This is how things should be. This is what life is supposed to look like. So do you see that the more solid the self, The more difficult adaptation? And what the world is asking of humanity. Is adaptation. So as we. This is truly the benefit of what we're doing here. Begin to see something. Like, You know, Noticing, Begin to notice, Like, Oh. There is fear or there is wanting, There's resistance. And there's often with that a story that we won't be able to handle it. But with the practice of awareness, Instead of immediately believing Like, All of it. The whole selfing story. We can stop. Something happens? Don't react yet. That's adorbus! That's adorabus! So for example, Imagine that you hear. We're going to have to radically change the way we live because water is becoming scarce. This is very possible. Now, The first response to that might be, Or that's an exaggeration. Or, I don't wanna think about this. Or What am I supposed to do about something that's this huge? Like, There's nothing I can do. So when we're frightened or angry or threatened, Curiosity is an essential tool in this practice, But let's face it, It is not available. It is not often available when there is fear, When there is anger, And when there is threat. So the nervous system has already decided there's danger and the mind has already moved into protection. So before there's curiosity. There may just need to be a willingness to not run away from the discomfort. Just don't leave your body. Not arguing. Catastrophizing. Reassure yourself that it's going to be okay. Or searching for an answer. Just, You know. Just, This is difficult to hear. And then feel. What difficult to hear actually means. Once we stop fighting the experience, Curiosity, It doesn't have to be manufactured. It may just arise naturally. Like, What am I afraid of losing? What am I trying to protect? So I think the best way. To try this out. Is the next time that something happens that you don't like. Don't try to be blightful. Don't try to be curious. Just see! If you can refrain. From doing the first thing that the mind wants to do. Just see if you can refrain. Don't fix it or explain it or defend it or. . . Suppress whatever's there. Just pause. And see if you can feel. The first movement of me, Like, I don't like this. This shouldn't be happening. I need to do something. Feel that first movement of self-image. And their baby. This could happen. There you are. You could say to yourself, Like, Oh. There's sulfate. Here it is. And that little recognition in that very moment. It's already freedom. Because you're no longer completely inside your reaction. You're seeing it. And once you see something. You don't have to obey it. So I offer this as a possibility. Of what's possible, Would we stop taking the self to be as solid and as separate as it appears? The benefits of practice, The softening of the selfing. Can make us more capable. Of meeting this very uncertain world.

Reviews

Adding to the list of changes is our food supply and community relationships. Your message today is important. I will listen often as we navigate through the stack of challenges we face. The words and message you deliver in your talks helps in many ways. Thank you.

🙏🏼❤️