All Is Uncertain

This talk explores the beautiful work of not leaving any parts of our life out of our awareness. Meeting loss and aging, sickness and grief from our wholeness. Including all parts, the wonderful and the messy. Seeing the way we resist—all the many ways of resistance.

So many of us push away aging, push away sickness, push away sorrow. These are uneasy experiences. Loss and grief and sickness and death. So many people have aversion to these natural human happenings. Identified with the will to survive and to stay the same. Together we explore welcoming the uncertain, including and allowing for it all.

Transcript

So, We have been exploring together the beautiful work of not leaving any parts of our life out of awareness, Meeting loss and aging and sickness from our wholeness. This poem, Written in the 9th century by a Japanese Zen poet, Izumi Shikibu, Is our practice, Watching the moon at dawn, Solitary, Mid-sky. I knew myself completely, No part left out, Including all parts, You know, The wonderful and the messy. Seeing all the ways we resist, All the many resistances in our life, No part left out. In my experience, This is the practice. Recently, We received kind of a holiday essay from a family friend, And he's a writer on the East Coast. And it was like a 25-page sort of essay. And he started out this piece of writing, Describing the decline and death of his father, Who was living and then dying in a facility. And he wrote, I hate this place. I hate the two and a half years we've been here. I hate the smell of urine. I hate the daily vigil my mom kept. I hate who my dad had to become to be here. I hate how his decay and that of those around him caused me such unease. Ah, So much pushing away and not liking, You know, It's, I read this, And it's so sad to hear this, Because I know it could be different. It could be a gift, An honor, To be so close to the sacred in this everyday decline. I've experienced it as a gift. That can happen to us, You know, If we're lucky, And we live long enough. We can even include the smell of urine and the vigil. We can even include our own decline. No part left out, You know, With kindness and with care. That is what is possible. Yet, Our cultural conditioning, You know, So many of us push away aging and sickness. We push away sorrow. They are uneasy experiences. Loss and grief and sickness and death are uneasy experiences. So many, Many people have aversion to these natural human happenings, Identified with the will to survive and to stay the same. What this practice continues to teach me, Continues really to teach all of us, Is this attuning to change, To learn flexibility and adaptability to change, And to connect, To really connect daily with uncertainty. It's all, All of this is uncertain and beautiful and tragic and scary and uplifting. You know that right in this moment, We are literally spinning at over a thousand miles an hour. Like right now, The earth is spinning over a thousand miles an hour. That is just so crazy to consider. Like, I'm not dizzy, Are you dizzy? Like, What an uncertain world. And so much of humanity leans away from uncertainty, You know, Keeps uncertainty out of consciousness, Out of awareness. Because it's destabilizing. And on the other side, The other side of that coin, It's exciting. Destabilizing and exciting. You know, Typically we seek out appliances that won't break and products that will keep our skin from sagging. And we create routines that support the idea that if we are living within these routines, Exercise, Yoga, We won't die. You know, We buy in bulk, Intending to get through all of those rolls of toilet paper. And these are little unconscious ways that we are always attempting to create certainty in a world that is spinning at over a thousand miles an hour right now. There is no control there. I was in a Dharma training last week with some of the other teachers who offer their wisdom to our community. And we spent half a day on karma as it relates to rebirth. And rebirth is something that is not emphasized in the early teachings in the tradition that I offer you. But nevertheless, It's a topic that's been part of the Buddhist teachings. And just to say, I don't know a lot about this topic of rebirth, Because if it happened, I don't have any memory of it. And the central teachings on karma that I follow are the five remembrances. So the five remembrances are I am of the nature to grow old. I cannot escape aging. I am of the nature to get sick. I cannot escape sickness. I am of the nature to die. I cannot escape death. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. And my actions are my only true belonging. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand. So the way in which I have been taught emphasizes action here and now until the moment of my death. What happens after? I don't know. It's completely uncertain. So these discussions on rebirth, I watched myself disengage a little bit. I actually dozed off for a few minutes. Talking about rebirth for me is an intellectual exercise. A more interesting and related topic is, Why do we need to create certainty? Because isn't that what it's doing? Isn't the concept of rebirth a story that helps people meet uncertainty? Here is what happens. You know, As soon as I say that, Feel how we all lean forward. You know, Here is what happens. That prompt has you sort of sit up and, Oh, What? What happens? We want to know. We want some assurances, But we don't know. So how is our relationship with not knowing? You know, Another Zen teaching from the ninth century says, Not knowing is most intimate. Think about that. You know, When you say that to yourself, Not knowing is most intimate, It brings us right into our vitality, The aliveness that's just right here. Like not knowing is curiosity and wonder. Not knowing is presence. Not knowing is most intimate. Can you feel that? There is a little bit of surrendering to fear. Like as not knowing is kind of as an intimate act. But when we realize the way we are seeing, You know, There is uncertainty and with uncertainty comes that destabilizing feeling and fear is part of that. You know, Fear is just simply part of our evolutionary inheritance. You know, It's just in the body. And sometimes fear is the only emotion that people can feel. You know, It calls our attention. But it calls our attention not to act from, But to know. Fear is an energy and a bodily movement. And to know it and to inquire, Well, What else is here? And the tendency is that when fear arises, We don't like it. We push it away and we try to control it and we try to create something else that we can rest in. But the practice is to learn to rest in the uncertainty that this is most intimate. Most intimate with ourselves and also most intimate with all of us, All of humanity. Practicing with uncertainty is an incredible teacher. I can't imagine never having these teachings. And I have so much compassion for my friend who wrote us an essay on not liking, Hating. So much compassion for the pain of trying to create certainty in this constantly changing world. So with the time that we have left, I want to hear from you about your relationship with uncertainty. And I would like to invite those people who don't generally step forward to speak first. And to enter the uncertainty of that. It's uncertain. Like step into, I don't know what I'm going to say. Just try it on here within this beautiful and sacred container. So thank you.

Reviews

🙏🏼❤️

Thank you for this relevant timely talk. My husband of 40 years has bipolar disorder and I struggle so much with fearing uncertainty around his unpredictable illness and our aging bodies.

The story about your friend is very sad. Interesting thought about the rebirths. Why do we always want to create "after"? What if there is no "after"? This is it.