How To Unleash Your Full Vibrancy & Joy After Trauma

This week On Dear Lovely Universe, our featured guest speaker is Serban Groza. This episode is for you if you’d like to learn more about releasing trauma, creating healthy relationships, and more. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode today!

Transcript

Hello, Hello! This week on Dear Lovely Universe, Our featured guest speaker is Serban Groza. This episode is for you if you would like to learn more about releasing trauma, Creating healthy relationships, And more. Before we get into the episode, I want to announce that Serban and I have partnered to bring you an exciting giveaway! Stay until the end to find out what's in it and how to enter. Also, Another exciting announcement! Remember how I mentioned that I wanted to create a way to monetize Dear Lovely Universe without a Patreon or hosting ads in the show? Well, I just added merchandise to my website www. Calendvoo. Com. You can purchase bags, Jewelry, Hoodies, Mugs, A journal, And more. If you have any ideas of things that you'd like to add, You're more than welcome to share your input with me on Instagram. Back to the episode. In Serban's words, Here's how he describes himself. My journey started back in 2015 when I had my first Kundalini activation happen spontaneously after a meditation. After this activation, I got involved over the years in many energetic practices such as Tantra yoga, Wu Ji Gong, Which is a branch of Tai Chi, And shaking meditation. While also being in law school and studying in order to get a bachelor degree in law. Since 2016, I have dedicated myself to helping others feel more empowered and fulfilled through embracing their spiritual nature. Every human being has a beautiful light within just waiting to shine, But external stresses can often block us from unlocking our full potential. As a skilled energy healer, I work with you to dive deep and explore, Unleashing your true vibrancy and joy. Hi Serban, Thank you so much for being here with me today. Thank you so much for having me today. Yeah, I'm really excited to get into this conversation. I think it's gonna be a good one. So please tell listeners more about you and your background. Well, Basically today I'm a therapist, But at my root foundation I have a bachelor degree in law, I have a master's degree in international law, So I'm pretty much a down-to-earth type of guy. But at some point while being in law school I developed some severe depression issues and anxiety and so on. And spirituality and the idea of going to my inner self and finding my problems actually was the solution and the escape for me. And today I do actually what I used to do with myself back when I needed healing the most. So out of my internal process these days I guide people into healing, Into improving, Into being able to finally have a good day. That's amazing. It sounds like you had some challenging times before and now you're giving people a support that you needed. It was very very challenging but I think it was needed. I mean I think I'm very very grateful for the power that I have today because I know that I give and I actually send power to my clients and to everyone that I come in contact with. So yeah I think that even though you could put me into the category of being a therapist, I think that I'd like to consider myself a walking energy healer. Meaning that I just want to send those vibes of healing to everyone that I have the opportunity to be around. That's amazing. That's incredible. So I really want to talk about trauma today. So you mentioned that there's phases that the body goes through. Could you tell me more about what are those phases? Well right before you understanding that you have a trauma because that's like the first initial phase. You become basically addicted to some ways of coping with that trauma. So basically once the trauma has been formed you start looking for a way in order to cope with your trauma. And those addictions might manifest in your relationships, Might become like oral types of addictions like you need to smoke, Drink. So the satisfying of the mouth is an internal process because it's very much related to you communicating your own inner pain. And that's your inner pain and it's a way to be able to be expressed via your own mouth. So yeah I think that firstly you become addicted then you just have this glimpse of understanding that your addictions are not working anymore. So even though you might smoke that one pack a day you still have that inner profound pain in yourself. And for most of my clients I mean I say this from the experience of being a therapist. It happens for so many of them to not be able to find a coping mechanism anymore. And that's like the phase of you starting to understand the fact that you need a healthy way in which you could heal your own issues. And yeah once you understand that you have a root problem that might need some fix there are so many ways in which you could approach basically. Minor way and the way that I teach my clients is the way of the body. Basically we don't work with the mind and I don't put that much focus on your story. Meaning that okay your story might be beautiful and you might look for understanding in your story and I could give that to you. But the idea is that if you just talk about it if you just try to understand it from a Chinese medicine point of view you're still keeping the majority of your energy right here in your brain. As basically you try to understand the processes of your body with your brain. So basically your brain tries to heal the trauma. But the understanding that must come out of this is that your trauma actually attaches itself to your body, To your muscular system, To your bones and so on. So basically the adrenaline response that comes out of the trauma is ingrained in your muscular system, In your bones and so on. So basically you might understand the story of your trauma and you might heal the story but your body will still be traumatized. It's very interesting for me to work with women because women have the best eye in terms of detecting traumas. Because as a woman you need to just look for the safe space in your environment but also in the persons that are near or around you. And it's interesting because so many of my clients tell me that they don't trust their partners anymore because they can feel the fact that they still have stress and inner trauma in their bodies. So you might understand your trauma at a mental level but your body might have some very very weird reactions like you might start shaking when you are very very stressed. So that's a response of your nervous system trying to cope with that deeply ingrained type of trauma. So whenever we meet a very very traumatized person our first response is to back off because that person is filled with adrenaline. That person doesn't give us a sense of safety and if the person is very very traumatized and she doesn't or he doesn't know how to use that adrenaline in a safe way they might become a danger to us. So women have a very very good eye at seeing those dysregulations in your nervous system. Because I asked for example one of my friends why don't you trust that guy? She says well because she has those gestures with his eyes or he just clenches when he's angry. So that's just a pure example of adrenaline that was not processed in a correct way and thus you still hold your past in your present moment. Thus you are not present with her and thus she cannot trust you that you are a vibrational match for this moment in time. So when it comes to releasing traumas stored in our bodies what would that look like? Now this is the slippery slope when it comes to healing because I've been seeing persons that have been on this healing journey for 20 plus years and they are still healing and they are still caught in that part in that paradigm that you must heal yourself. That there is something wrong about you and you must heal. And indeed there are some techniques that will help you help to like manage your anger or to discharge that electric response to trauma. The shaking meditation that I've been doing for like five years is a very very good method in these terms. But for example I'll give you my personal example just for you to understand the fact that sometimes a method might not help you at all. So basically in my life I had just I could say one big trauma which was the trauma of neediness. So basically in my romantic relationships I was a very very needy guy and I tried very very I tried many techniques in order to be able to heal this trauma because I sensed that there was some traumatic event in my past that was making me needy so I thought that I had to to heal it. And I've tried most of the techniques that are now available to us. I mean I tried energy healing, Light language healing, Shamanic healing, I went to a trauma release therapist so with shaking and so on. And my trauma for neediness and my needs that were like they they were fueling my neediness they were not disappearing. And in this moment we'll just get a little bit spiritual because I asked my inner guides why isn't this trauma healing? I mean I've did everything I've done everything in my power why isn't it healing? And their response was like if you if you if you have tried everything like literally everything and it's not working why do you think it's a problem? And yeah I started thinking that yeah it might not be a problem and I asked them what's the lesson from this? And they said well for example the idea of our spiritual ascension is to become unconditional lovers for humanity. And this idea of being an unconditional lover for everyone is very very strong and it's our goal as humanity. But you become an unconditional lover with everyone else only if you are a conditional lover with yourself. Now in order for you to be able to love yourself unconditionally you should have something that it's hard to be loved because if you are perfect you are just easy to be loved. But if you have that one point that aches and that it's filled with pain and that you cannot love that's your challenge and that's like the exercise that you have to perform in order to develop that sense of self-love because the end goal of any release is self-love. So basically there are some traumas in our lives that cannot be healed just because they are placed in our soul just for us to be able to become unconditional lovers for ourselves. Meaning that if you are able to smile at yourself to love your own neediness to learn to learn to love your insecurities to learn to love your inner gaps. Now in those moments you actually start loving the darkness of yourself of what you are you start loving those holes of pain so you become an unconditional lover for yourself and then when you meet someone it's easy for you to just stand in front of their pain and to hug them energetically even though they might have multiple traumas and lots of pains. And this is the gift of the trauma because I have a client and she's a very mature woman and she told me I'm just sick of this I don't want to heal anymore what should I do and I told her I don't think you are supposed to heal yourself right now. I think that the way in which we heal today as a humanity is the way in which we should have been raised as children. Meaning that the phase of healing for us as a humanity is very very feminine. So we have been in those masculine cycles of existence now we are getting a little bit more feminine. Meaning that the way we heal is via a feminine attitude. Now the biggest expression of femininity is the motherhood but it's not related to a child to having children. You can be a mother as a woman but also you could give the energy of motherhood as a man too. So basically when I tell my clients to become unconditional lovers for themselves is the following I give them the following example. Just imagine that your inner trauma is like a crying baby a small crying baby. Now you cannot tell that crying baby to stop crying you cannot give him some exercise to perform you cannot give him some energy healing because he might just continue crying. So he won't respond to any of those techniques that we are so accustomed to using. But if you just sit next to him and you just hold him nicely and you breathe with his cries if you just are able to breathe while he's discharging his own pain you will just calm down naturally. His nervous system because it's a new type of a nervous system will calm down naturally and easily. So this is the way in which we heal ourselves mostly in these days. We treat our own pains like a mother should treat her child not by telling him what to do not by telling him that it's wrong to cry not by giving him a fix or solution for his pain but just staying with him just hosting his inner pain. Yeah that's such a trying to find the best word but I guess calming or safe way to look at it because we always hear things that we could do to change and stuff like that but sometimes it's not always about changing but embracing what we do have. Yeah and I see this with women it's very very interesting because like 90% of my clients are women and that's because probably I have lots of feminine energy and I think that my main gifts in this lifetime are of feminine nature but I see this pattern in most of my women clients. They want to have that that solution to find that solution to just heal their own problems to heal their own traumas and so on and my response is that's not the way in which you should heal yourself and I ask them have you tried healing techniques and they say yeah we've tried basically all of them and I say well that's not the way not there that's not the right way for you to fix your problems because as a woman you are not okay I'll just say this in another way as a person that that possesses most of his internal or for her internal energy polarized into femininity you are not meant to solve because solving it's a masculine trait you as a woman you are meant to dance around the problem to just spin around the problem or to spin around the fire until the fire settles down naturally yeah masculine energy is the action and the problem-solving energy and so that makes a lot of sense yeah so basically I teach the I teach my female clients to just dance around their problems to dance around their traumas just learn to be a mother before they are actually a mother you can easily be a mother and that's something that most of those masculine guys have the hardest time to understand basically you can be a mother as a man just by simply giving that nurturing energy to anyone that needs it I want to just take a second to clarify for people when we say energy how would you describe what energy is well I think that I think that I'll go with the definition used by the Chinese medicine so just pure prana pure Chi which is just an accumulation of particles physical particles I'm not into physics and so on but that's the explanation that they use so it's just an accumulation of energy that becomes polarized into a masculine polarization or a feminine polarization depending on your circumstances of your life time mm-hmm yeah that makes sense so when we talk about masculine and feminine energy if a woman or so when how does this come into play for someone who might have never had experience with learning about masculine and feminine energy how does this come into play with healing how would you describe that well first of all I'm gonna be honest with you I rarely deal with clients that not that do not have even the smallest experience with some sort of an energy healing or some sort of understanding about spirituality and not because I don't want to do that just because there are some steps in this journey that you should take by yourself so this journey sometimes is very very individual and sometimes you go to a healer I myself I've gone through many many periods in which I did not have any healers around it was just needed for me to be with my own pain and to not understand even the smallest bit of my pain just to be with so sometimes it happens to me just to say to a client you are not meant to work together just stuff right now mm-hmm not because I don't want to help just because your journey is now with yourself it's a lonely journey with yourself I know so yeah and also I try to always like sense the energy of the person that I have the opportunity to work with and some of them are not spiritual at all but they help they have some spiritual impulses so for example I had a session I think one week ago with with a guy from India and he was not passionate about spirituality at all but he had some very very spiritual impulses like being kind to other people like just embracing others emotions without judging them that's that's a spiritual foundation even though you might not be aware of it so I'm not talking about a person should know different energy techniques or and so on I mean you should start with your inner fire so you should have some bits of inner fire in yourself that need healing adjustment or so mm-hmm that's a that's an interesting thought the inner fire I like that yeah well basically in my life it was everything about inner fire and actually I have to be honest with yourself I did not develop most of my techniques actually most of my gifts while being healed by therapists actually in those deep dark nights of the source of the soul in those nights I've developed myself mm-hmm so even though you might switch to a healer or a therapist most of the journey is done by yourself with yourself and not because the world is schooled not at all it's just because so for example right now I have a client a woman friend and she's just about to be able to use more of her intuition and to develop her psychic abilities and we've come a long way since I started working with her and she is now very very used to me holding her while she experiences different techniques and so on and I've told her now is the time for me to just get out of your way to just go back to like I've entered the cave with you and I'm here for your protection but from now on you have to go by yourself because with yourself you are be you are you will be able to find those gifts and you will be able to see those gifts because if you only look at me for support you won't be able to look at your gifts so this is like the the slippery slope of working with a therapist because we will help you a lot but the beautiful thing is that most of your benefits are entirely related to your inner fire meaning how brave you are to just walk into your traumas to just go into them and and to just let yourself be stepped by your own pain because when your pain steps you it just steps those triggers those painful moments so basically pain destroys itself if you let it mm-hmm yeah so basically as a therapist the one thing that I told my people is that I don't want you to become like desperate about my my presence because I'm not into that I I don't like gurus I don't want to be a guru I like to have around me people that are grounding grounded in their own energy so basically the way I approach my relationship with the clients is okay right now you might need a little bit of of a nurturing attitude from me now be the mother for you know I build a father mostly I'm called to be the mud and that is just the irony of being a male sometimes so mostly I'm called to be to being a mom but at some point I just have to let my clients go because if they just remain with me they won't be able to find their motherhood energy in themselves so when I started being an energy healer I had just I had a master and after he gave my rate initiation I felt like like not working with him anymore and he was very very disappointed about this and I said I don't know why but I don't feel like working with you not just not because you're a bad person or something like this I just feel like going on this road by my by myself and most of my gifts started to show up while being by myself so basically I like I like to teach people to be self-reliant and in that attitude of being self-reliant not to become cold or frustrated but to just find that that loving energy of your own presence mm-hmm just to make love with yourself something tell me more about what it means to actually really love yourself I'll give you a very very good example so as I've told you most of my energy is very very family I have my main gifts are family I'm not good with logic I'm good with intuition I don't think about decisions I feel my decision so I go with my gut instinct I don't like discipline I like flow I don't have a schedule I'll just I just do what I wanted so basically basically from from many many standpoints I act with lots of feminine energy now one of my friend told me something he told me once you know he said I like the fact that you are so you feel so good yourself that's what he told me but you won't be able to find a partner a woman if you are just so much immersed in your feminine energy he said because he's and he said that you won't be able to find a woman because most women look for masculine types of energy and you won't be able to find your match and I said and I think I'm going to be just perfectly okay with I don't think I'm I miss so much so basically because I allowed myself to be myself I developed that sense of loving where I am no matter why what I am and as being okay with losing sometimes I've lost a lot I've lost a lot with being myself like and I oppose again many many things but the idea is that even while losing I felt so much love with myself because I was losing something that was not me so the the way I describe self-love is just allowing yourself to be what you feel like being and loving what you are but that love is not something that you push is not something that you summon to come into your experience is just something that happens naturally and it happens what you give that nurturing motherhood motherhood type of energy to yourself so basically I've gone through multiple periods of hating myself and then loving myself but the most self love I've been able to develop was while I was deeply deeply depressed because in those moments I had to look at everything I was and then love it yeah yeah that's really beautiful thanks for sharing that yeah thank you for giving me the safety to share this yeah of course one thing that you just reminded me of this usually when we have some sort of pain whether it's emotional or physical or anything else we try to kind of maybe numb it out ignore it or stuff like that but really when it's coming one of the best things that we could do is ask it what is it trying to tell us because it's trying to tell you something that's why the pain is there sometimes yeah it's trying to tell us something sometimes is just an old voice let's say mm-hmm it meant something in your past but it doesn't mean too much in your present yeah maybe like an inner critic yeah yeah in our critic that was was good back then or was useful back then is not up to date anymore and I don't know maybe I'm a little bit weird but when it comes to my preferences regarding life I don't want to just feel like 70% out of life I like to just feel it all so if I if I have to just go through some darker periods let it be the darkest ones let me immerse myself not into my own pain but the idea of pain and not because I like pain just because I think that if you allow yourself to go entirely into those deep holes of your soul you will be able to discover some major gifts that you are not aware of yeah so one thing that I tell my clients is don't go 50% on your traumas don't just cry a little bit cry cry everything just put everything on the table and not because not because I'm a strong not because I deeply believe in that process of catalysis not it's not because not because of this I just want the people to finally feel the experience with every cell of their being because for example I'm a therapist right now but as I've told you I have a past in law and because I was able to go through those darker nights of the soul I was very very accustomed to the idea of being in pain and to ideal and into the idea of living in fear and when some some of my friends asked me aren't you afraid to make this step from being into law to being a therapist I said not I'm not afraid yeah and this how could you not be afraid I said well just because I'm not afraid just because because I have experienced the idea of living in pain I think I've experienced pain with every cell of my being thus the worst case scenario was me living it again if that if this career fails to be successful but I've been able to stand up from that pain so in the worst case I will just relive my past so out of that pain inner strength became my main gift that's why I'm with my clients I'm like let's not just run from your trauma let's just not find a solution just right now let's just let's just be with it for a second and find the sweetness in your pain because if you just focus on it you might find just a crying child so just so much innocence placed in your own pain yeah that's such a good point that when we're starting something that or doing something that we might be scared of or we might feel fear around to think about what it actually really is the worst possible outcome and then what are you gonna do if that happens and really be honest with yourself because when you really know what's the worst possible outcome then you can kind of prepare for it not like setting yourself up for failure or anything but then just mentally knowing what is that worst outcome and then you can go into there I feel like probably more confidently and another idea that I give to my clients regarding what you have already said when it comes to them overcoming their fears is that for example in my own case how do I choose what decision to make it's a very very simple thought process so for example in my own case at the end of my life I want to write a book about my lifestyle and I am I get bored very very easy so I just want my book to be good to be inspiring I just want to read my book with enthusiasm and curiosity so when I faced multiple decisions in my life I think which one of this is the best suitable for my book that I'll write probably in 50 years from now and I choose that decision based on the enthusiasm that it might give to me when I will be able to read it from the book that's how I gave up and I became a therapist my mind it was like that would be a good story to share in my book no matter what yeah that's a really good way to look at it because we're constantly writing our lives through our actions that we make every single day and they all add up I always there's so many ways that we could look at it but one one that I like is life is your canvas and no one can paint it but you yeah yeah so let's just put the most interesting colors on that canvas mm-hmm yeah yeah I was actually listening to a Jordan Peterson video I don't remember what it's called but he said something about there's some games in life where you're either all in or you're all out and he was talking about how when we're alive and we're on Earth and we're like living we're all in it's not like we can just be dead some of the times like we're always alive and that really made me kind of it was just kind of an interesting thought I had never heard of something like that or really thought of it that way before and so it's like if we're gonna be all in in our lives like shouldn't we make it something so divine so incredible and amazing yeah exactly is that and I think you you just simply can't know the moment when you are going to die and this not knowing it's very very special because you just have to live with intensity because you might know if you could catch another second on this planet so for example I ask myself one question multiple times in a year let's say which is if I were to give you to receive the opportunity to live my life again with all those pains losses wins traumas and circumstances would I take it would I take that that opportunity would you um honestly I'm not sure yeah me neither so it's just one question that it's still on the back of my head and I cannot give it a resounding yes that's not now and I think that's the like the type of an ideal life to just be able to say with full belief yes I can't control what happened to me in the past but I can control what I choose to do in moving forward so yeah but would you would you choose to leave your pains again to become the person that you are today in order to become the person that you are today because in my case I don't know some of my pains are so deep that yeah and so it was just so painful and you know I'm still a healing woman I'm not perfect by any means at all and so I don't I can't give you a yes but I also wouldn't say no like concretely either because I do know that as a soul on a soul journey I've definitely learned a lot so do you have any final messages that you'd like to share with listeners if you I'll give you some sentences that my guides gave me firstly when I encountered them and they said that my strategy but this is applicable to most of your listeners I believe so they said that my strategy in life is called the sweet step into the unknown meaning that you have to move but you cannot see the light in front of yourself you maybe just you are able to see just the light from your next step but not you are not able to see the horizon so basically you have to move and you won't know the direction of your moves and while you make those steps don't they don't make those steps with fear make them with courage like you are dancing with those steps make them to be filled to be felt like they are sweet and that's what they said these are called the sweet steps into the unknown moving gracefully into the darkness while still feeling the subtle juiciness of being a part of this journey that's a really good name for a book yeah yeah I really like that idea well the ideology is basically the strategy that I use on a daily basis I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow mm-hmm it's just these are just steps into the unknown I don't know my goal I don't know my direction I just move gracefully as life dictates me to to move yeah are there any resources that you like to share with listeners or maybe things that you might tell yourself that like affirmations I would want to share I rarely use affirmations so it's it's not my cup of tea these are not my cup of tea one thing that I do and one thing that I think it's available to most of us is to just I teach this exercise to my clients because it's just very very useful and simple to use so I just take my hands and I place them on those body parts that hurt the most while I live my own traumas so basically if I have right now let's say a fear of being abandoned or my fear of abandonment is being triggered I just take my hands and place it on those body parts that feel that sense of hurt while the trigger is being activated so basically if I feel that sense of abandonment I might place my hands on my belly now why the hands because it is believed that with one hand you give energy from the universe into your body you are extracting the old pathogenic energy by extracting it out of your body and you are giving it to the universe so basically this is an exercise or a resource that you can use by yourself and it works every time up to a certain degree up to a certain degree because from a certain degree you need to be able to make love with your pain tell me more about what you mean by that yeah I mean just like like dancing with like admiring like hugging it I mean just treat your pain like you would treat your love your significant other this is how I I've been able to treat myself I was just holding my heart well while it was it was crying and moaning and growing and screaming I when I went through a major emotional detox I experienced probably the most intense emotional reaction that was actually physical I started vomiting and while I was vomiting I was holding my own with the hands I was putting them on my heart and I was sensing my pain and I was like this is my internal talk right now oh baby it's okay there is a lot I'm here with if you want to cry if you want to vomit if you want to just burn inside of me I'm here with you I'm just here I'm not scared about you I don't want to change I don't want to change you I'm just here with your screams so scream as loud as possible because I hear those I'll just make love out of them mm-hmm yeah that's a really beautiful way to look at it yeah this is how you become a good lover actually not by improving your qualities but by being able to firstly make love with your own pain mm-hmm to just dance with it to look at your own insecurities and be like oh baby you're having a bad day isn't it yeah yeah well just let me hug I know that you are feeling insecure and you feel like you are not worthy now and I won't try to give you another story or a paradigm that you are all worthy now I won't try to change you just let me hug you while you cry your insecurities out yeah so it sounds a lot like accepting and allowing yeah yeah well thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and knowledge where can listeners find you and connect with you well in Romania they could find me if they feel like going on a trip but actually on the social media they can find me at the Sherban goes our therapy this is the only place that in which they can find you right now because I do most of my activity remotely yeah so that's on instagram at Sherban goes a therapy and also on my website if they want to work with me one-on-one it's Sherban grows the therapy dot-com okay sounds good so just for the people who might be only interested in listening to just the audio I'll spell it out so it's s-e-r-b-a-n-g-r-o-z-a therapy just so people can be a hundred percent sure listen thank you so much for coming on again I really appreciate your help thank you for having me thank you so so much thank you so much for tuning in to this episode today you can find servant on instagram at servant grows the therapy if you enjoyed this talk I'd recommend checking out his Instagram page where he has a lot of content about similar topics also if you enjoyed this episode please share with your friends and family next week's episode will be about the four currencies of life with Robert Riopelle Robert is an international best-selling author app designer entrepreneur and trader who has spent the last 18 plus years traveling the world sharing his passion I usually do a solo episode following a guest episode but I decided that I want to take one month off to focus on creating content okay so about the giveaway get closer to your authentic self and the best version of you with a one-hour complimentary intuitive reading provided by Serbian grows up and a one-hour coaching session with me which is valued at $189 how to enter first step is to follow me at dear lovely universe and servant at serving grows a therapy on Instagram step two is tag a friend in the comments section more tags equals more entries and you get max 3 and good luck but a giveaway starts July 9th 10 a. M. PST and ends July 11th at 12 p. M. PST one winner will be announced on Monday July 12th via Instagram stories entries are accepted internationally and are not limited to the US cheers to growing learning and getting closer to your fullest potential I am so happy for you and I'll talk to you next week