Welcome to this guided meditation.
I'm so glad that you are here.
Before we begin.
Find a comfortable surface to sit against.
Or lay down on the floor.
Or yoga mat.
Or your bed.
I want you to feel your spine resting against the surface you are positioned on.
And release as much tension as you can in this moment.
Allow your head to find a comfortable resting position.
Feeling the full weight of your head resting down on your shoulders.
There is nothing to hold.
There is nothing to grip.
Adjust yourself as necessary.
And relax.
Release any tension in your jaw.
Any tension in your tongue.
Any tension around your teeth.
Closing off your mouth.
Holding the lips together gently.
And if you haven't done so already.
Please close your eyes.
Now inhale through your nose.
And exhale through your nose.
Again,
Inhale through your nose.
And exhale through your nose.
Throughout this practice,
Breathe as comfortably as possible.
There is no right or wrong.
Release any and all tension held in the lips,
In the cheeks.
In the jaw.
And in your tongue.
When you release the tension here,
Your neck will automatically release.
Allow your head to rest heavy.
And allow your spine to melt.
Into the surface beneath you.
And relax.
Pay close attention to your eyelids.
Relax your eyelids.
Relax your nose.
Now relax your jaw.
Relax your tongue.
And relax your lips.
Unleash your scalp and unfurrow your eyebrows.
Relaxing your lips.
Relaxing your tongue.
.
.
And unclenching your jaw.
Feel the full weight of your body resting into the surface you are suspended on.
Now take your hands and turn them upwards.
Turn your palms up towards the ceiling.
Pay attention to any misalignments in your shoulders.
Imagine that there are two strings attached each to your rotor cuffs in your shoulders,
Pulling your shoulders towards the ground.
As they sink,
Feel yourself dropping deeper into relaxation.
Feel your chest opening.
Your shoulder blades drawing close together behind you.
Relax the muscles between your neck.
And your shoulders.
In front.
And around the back.
Sinking deeper.
Opening your chest wider.
Conscious of any misalignments.
And adjust yourself as necessary.
Relax your eyelids.
Relax your tongue.
Relax your ears.
Now with your eyes closed,
Lift your gaze upwards behind your eyelids,
Lifting your eyes up towards your eyebrows.
And from here,
Send your awareness up and over the top of your head.
Down to the back of your neck.
Down to the top of your spinal column as if your consciousness has done a slow backwards somersault.
With your intention,
See a warm,
Healing white light with you.
Appearing at the very top of your spinal column.
Your cervical spine.
And slowly.
Vertebrae by vertebrae.
We will release any tension held between each one.
Breathing the white light into the space between each of them.
We will start by moving down through your cervical spine.
One vertebrae at a time.
Releasing and filling each space with white light.
Down vertebrae C1.
Down vertebrae C2.
Down vertebrae C3.
Down vertebrae C4.
Down vertebrae C5.
Down vertebrae C6.
And down vertebrae C7.
Calling that white light forward with you as you descend down.
Filling each and every step on your journey.
Now we enter the thoracic spine.
The upper back.
Continue down vertebrae by vertebrae.
Breathing light into each space.
As we descend down vertebrae T1.
And vertebrae T2.
And T3.
Breathing that light into the space.
In vertebrae T4.
And T5.
Releasing all the tension as we descend down to vertebrae T6.
And T7.
Next to vertebrae T8.
And T9.
Moving that white light down to vertebrae T10.
And T11.
Relax your eyelids.
Relax your tongue.
Relax your mouth.
As we descend down to vertebrae T12.
Where we will stop here.
Breathing in the white light to this space.
T12 holds trust,
Or the absence of it.
It supports the ability to move forward.
Without guaranteeing what comes next.
And you might not have been able to move forward because you have been looking backwards,
Watching the same painful scenes on repeat.
Expecting the worst,
Because the worst is what you know.
As you stand in the threshold of vertebrae T12,
Under the white light that you breathe in,
Feel the tension here.
Notice the grip of a body that does not trust what is ahead.
Because everything behind it.
Was a lesson in betrayal.
Let the healing white light press into vertebrae T12.
Feel it soften.
Now we move on to vertebrae L1.
This is the vertebrae in your lumbar spine that holds your relationship with your physical body.
Your relationship with your gender.
How safe you feel inside your own skin.
And you may not feel safe right now.
Because this body of yours has been through things.
This body has been in rooms it should not have been in.
With people it should not have trusted.
And the body remembers this.
So call in the white light now to fill Vertebrae L1.
And now we move on to vertebrae L2.
Vertebrae L2 holds your center,
Your inner balance.
Place inside you that should feel stable and secure.
It might not have felt stable in a long time.
Because when you are full of resentment,
There doesn't appear to be a centre.
There is only reaction.
So let the white light fill vertebrae L2,
Releasing any and all stored tension here.
Now move to vertebrae L3.
L3 holds relational and ancestral wounds,
The patterns that run through your family line.
The way your people loved,
Which was not always conventional love.
The way your people might have fought and battled.
This is old,
This is not only your stuff.
So let the white light fill vertebrae L3.
Releasing any and all stored tension for yourself.
Your ancestors.
And anybody associated with your family line.
Now from vertebrae T12 through to vertebrae L3,
Feel this white light expanding outwards from both sides of your spine.
These vertebrae sit directly behind your kidneys.
Your kidneys are pressed against these bones.
Against these muscles.
And they have been listening to everything stored here.
Trust body safety.
Lost centre.
Ancestral wounds.
Your kidneys have heard all of it.
Feel the white light travelling from your spine to your kidneys now,
On both sides left and right.
A warm,
Golden glowing energy joins the white light.
Allowing the color of your sacral chakra,
Vibrant orange into the mix,
The color of your kidneys.
Follow where the light travels as they enter to your kidneys.
Two fist-sized organs,
One on each side of your spine.
Pressed against the deep muscles of your back.
Tucked beneath your lower ribs.
They are quiet organs.
If your kidneys had a personality,
They would be quiet and calm.
They do not shout,
They do not demand much attention.
They filter silently and consistently.
Every drop of blood in your body passes through them.
And they decide what stays and what goes.
But yours have been struggling with that decision.
Because you have been struggling with that decision.
What to hold on to.
What to let go of.
And you might have been holding onto everything.
Acknowledge your kidneys.
Thank them in this moment.
For they have been filtering your blood.
And your resentment at the same time.
Every bitter thought.
Every angry memory.
Every grudge you carried because letting go felt like losing.
Your kidneys have been processing all of it.
And they might be sluggish now.
They might be tired.
They might feel toxic.
Not because they are failing you.
Because releasing felt really difficult.
And that's okay.
Know that what you will not release emotionally,
Your kidneys cannot release physically.
Feel them now on both sides of your spine.
Heavy.
Dense.
You may feel a dull ache in your lower back.
A heaviness that sits deep beneath the muscles.
Against the bow.
That is your kidneys asking for you to let go.
Say in your mind now,
I hear you.
I am here now.
I hear you.
And I am here now.
Let's go deeper.
Your kidneys help to store anger.
Not necessarily the explosive kind of anger,
But the slow kind.
The kind that builds over years and years of suppression.
The kind that becomes resentment.
The kind that becomes your default setting.
You might be angry because you were abandoned.
You might be angry because you were rejected.
And those are reasonable things to be angry about.
You are not wrong to feel this way.
But the anger has stayed long.
Long after the people who caused it left.
The anger stayed and it became your armor.
Your most powerful defense mechanism.
The thing that keeps threatening situations.
Feel that anger now,
Feel it in your kidneys.
On both sides.
It is hot.
It is dense.
It carries a lot of weight.
Beneath this anger is fear.
Because anger and fear live in the same organ.
Your kidneys hold both of them.
The anger on the surface.
The fear underneath.
And the fear might be this.
The fear might be that you will be abandoned again.
That you will be rejected again.
At every new person,
Every new opportunity.
Every new beginning.
Will end the same way the old ones did.
So you expect the worst.
Because expecting the worst means you are never surprised.
And never surprised means never hurt.
Except you are always hurting.
Because expecting the worst is its own kind of pain.
Feel that in your kidneys.
Feel the loop.
Anger protects you from the fear.
And the fear feeds the anger.
And the kidneys filter the residue of both day after day after day.
Relax your eyelids.
Relax your tongue.
Feel your shoulders sinking deeper.
Feel your chest opening wider.
Now we go to the source,
The root cause.
You might have had an emotionally intense relationship with a parent or an influential person.
When you reached for love.
You might have been met with hostility.
When you expressed a need.
You might have been met with anger.
When you asked to be seen.
You were met with blame and resentment.
The very emotions you carry now are the ones that were handed to you by the people who were supposed to teach you something different.
You did not learn resentment on your own.
It was modelled for you.
It was given to you.
It might have been the only language spoken in the rooms that you grew up in.
Now say in your mind.
I did not choose resentment.
Resentment was chosen for me.
And I am giving it back.
I am giving it back to the rooms I learnt it in.
I am giving it back to the people.
Who handed it to me.
It was never mine.
Now breathe deep into your lower back.
Inhale,
Feeling your breath reaching your kidneys.
Feel them expanding.
Feel the golden orange light warming them from the inside.
And as you exhale.
Feel the toxins releasing.
The emotional toxins.
The anger,
The resentment,
The bitterness.
Let them drain.
Inhale.
Expand.
Exhale.
Release.
And again inhale.
Feel your kidneys expanding and softening.
And exile.
Feel them releasing and letting go.
Now we address the patterns.
You have been in toxic relationships.
You have been in toxic environments.
And you have had enough.
But having enough and leaving are two different things.
And your kidneys know this.
Because they hold the resentment of every time you stayed too long.
Every partnership that triggered the old abandonment wound.
Every situation where you recreated the dynamic you grew up in.
Not because you wanted to.
But because it was familiar.
And familiar felt safer than unknown.
Feel the pattern in your kidneys.
Feel the self-sabotage.
The people you attracted who were not for your highest good.
The belief that no one really likes you.
That your own family is against you.
Those beliefs live here in your kidneys on both sides,
And it makes them sluggish.
Because when you believe you are unlovable,
Your kidneys hold onto everything.
As if letting go means losing the last piece of evidence that you existed,
That you mattered.
That you tried.
Now say in your mind.
I am lovable.
I am wanted.
The people who met my love with hostility.
Were showing me their pain.
I release the belief that no one likes me.
I release the feeling of being held back.
I am powerful.
I have always had the power to leave.
And I am leaving now.
Not a room,
Not a relationship.
I am leaving the pattern.
I am leaving a pattern.
Any unpleasant thoughts that might arise.
Any surge of anger as the old defense tries to reassert itself.
Any voice that says letting go means they win.
Say in your mind,
Cancel.
Cancel.
Letting go does not mean they win.
Letting go means you stop carrying them in your kidneys.
Now say in your mind,
I release the anger I have used as a shield.
I release the resentment I have used as a weapon.
I release the fear that lives beneath both.
I release the time I feel I have wasted on people and goals that did not serve me.
That time was not wasted.
It taught me what I will no longer accept.
My kidneys are clean.
My kidneys are calm.
My kidneys are free to do their job.
My kidneys are free to do their job,
Which is to filter my blood,
Not my grief.
My kidneys are free to do their job.
Which is to filter my blood.
Not my grief.
Now fill both kidneys with that golden orange light.
Left and right.
Feel them glowing.
Feel them warm and steady.
Feel your sacral chakras organ at full power.
Now from golden orange light see a transition to white light.
Orange and gold to white.
The purest healing light.
Washing through every nephron and every tubule and every cell that filters and decides what stays and what goes.
And what goes is the resentment.
What goes is the anger.
What has disappeared is the feeling of being abandoned again.
What has miraculously disappeared is the toxicity that you absorbed from toxic people.
Your kidneys know how to let go.
They do it with every drop of blood.
They have always known it.
It was the emotional load that slowed them down.
And that load has lifted.
Now notice the work that you have done.
Notice that something has shifted.
Feel the change in your kidneys.
Feel the change in your lower back on both sides.
Where there was sluggishness,
There is now flow.
Where there was heaviness there is now momentum.
Where there was resentment,
There is now space.
Where there was fear,
There is now calm.
As your kidneys feel different,
Full of warm,
Light healing energy.
The personality that they were always meant to have has aligned.
And notice this healing white light energy that has come from the vertebrae behind them.
Through vertebrae T12 through vertebrae L3.
All of that energy is now freely flowing towards trust.
To safety.
Feeling more central.
Healing the ancestral wounds.
All of this has been witnessed and released.
You showed up for yourself today.
You looked at the resentment.
You traced it back to the rooms that you learnt it in.
You gave it back to where it belonged.
You released the fear and saw maybe the child who was met with hostility when they asked for love.
And you remembered that you are lovable.
And that you matter.
Notice that you are still here,
That you are still breathing.
That you are completely safe.
That you have let go and yet nothing has disappeared.
Nothing was lost,
But everything was released.
Breathe into this change comfortably.
Let it settle.
Now we will take the healing that you have done and pull it back,
Back from your kidneys,
From both sides,
Back through the golden orange healing light to your spine.
Let's call that white light,
Orange and golden healing light back from kidneys to L3.
Sucking it up a straw as you go to vertebrae L2 and vertebrae L1.
Back to vertebrae T12,
Feel the white light gather.
As you pull it back through.
From vertebrae T12.
To vertebrae T11.
Vertebrae T10 to Vertebrae T9.
Bringing all that golden orangey white light goodness back to vertebrae T8.
And T7.
Back to vertebrae T6.
T5 climbing higher to vertebrae T4 and T3 and T2.
And T1.
Up through your cervical spine from C7,
C6 all the way up C5 and C4 all the way to the very top of your spinal column through C3 and C2 and C1.
Continue to carry this energy up over the top of your head.
Back over like a wave.
Over the crown of your head.
Pulling it down to your eyes.
Carrying it down your face.
Down your neck.
Down your throat.
And down your chest and down your arms,
All the way to your hands,
And down your torso,
Letting it pass through your kidneys again,
As it descends a second wave of healing on both sides now,
Down through your belly button,
Down your hips,
Down your legs,
Down your knees.
And down to your feet.
Allow it to fill and expand throughout your entire body.
Feel it expanding beyond your body into your auric field.
Watching it grow,
Watching it expand.
Watching it fill any gaps.
Fill any holes in your energy.
Breathe into it,
Let it radiate.
Sit in this energy.
You are whole.
You are clean.
You are calm.
Now as you breathe.
Give gratitude and thank your kidneys for all that they have done.
For filtering everything without complaint.
Thank them for carrying the resentment and the anger,
Maybe the fear.
Show your conscious mind did not have to hold all of it at once.
Thank your vertebraes.
Thank Vertebrae T12 for showing you where trust was broken.
Thank vertebrae L1 for holding your body throughout all of it.
Thank vertebrae L2 for keeping your center even when it felt like there was none.
Thank vertebrae L3 for carrying the ancestral patterns that you could finally see,
And thank them for releasing them.
Thank your spine for carrying this energy.
Thank your body for its patience.
Thank yourself for showing up today,
For choosing to let go after years of holding on.
For giving the resentment back to where it came from.
Just know that this is an act of self-love.
This is what self-love feels like.
Now breathe and inhale through your nose for the count of 1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
And exhale for the count of 5,
4,
3,
2,
1.
Again,
Inhale for the count of 1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
And exhale for the count of 5,
4,
3,
2,
1.
And now we're going to count up to 8,
And at the number 8 you will open your eyes and find that you are in better health mentally,
Spiritually and physically more than you were before.
So for the count of 1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8.
Welcome back.
Carry this healing with you throughout the rest of your day.
I'm sending you lots of love.
Wish you all the best and look forward to connecting again with you soon.
Bye bye for now.
