Making new friends as an adult can be surprisingly difficult.
Maybe your life has changed and some of the people who once surrounded you are no longer there.
Maybe you've moved somewhere new.
Left a relationship.
Change direction in your life.
Or simply realize that some of your old friendships don't fit quite as comfortably as they once did.
Perhaps you have people in your life.
But still find yourself longing for someone you can really talk to.
Someone to call.
Someone to laugh with!
Someone who knows the person you are now.
And the strange thing about wanting more connection.
.
.
Is that it can make us feel vulnerable.
We can stop wondering.
Where do you even meet new friends?
What if everyone already has their circle?
What if I reach out and they aren't interested?
What if I'm simply not very good at this anymore?
If any of that feels familiar.
.
.
This meditation is for you.
Not to teach you how to make friends.
Not to turn friendship into another thing you need to work at.
But simply to help you soften some of the fear around connection.
And become a little more open.
To the people you haven't met yet.
So.
.
.
Find somewhere comfortable.
Let your hands rest.
And if it feels good to you.
Gently close your eyes.
Take a slow breath in.
And breathe out.
Again.
Breathing in.
And slowly letting it go.
Hello?
Your shoulders.
To draw.
Relax your jaw.
Feel the weight of your body being supported beneath you.
For these next few minutes.
There is no one you need to impress.
Nothing you need to say.
You can simply.
.
.
Here.
There are times in life when friendship seems to happen almost automatically.
At school.
At university?
Through what?
Through our children?
Through relationships and communities.
We repeatedly find ourselves around the same people.
10.
Slowly.
Almost without noticing.
Some of those people become friends.
But life changes.
Weak James.
People move.
Relationships,
Hen.
Children grow up.
We leave communities.
Our interests change.
And sometimes we outgrow places and people that once felt like home.
Suddenly,
Friendship doesn't happen quite so automatically anymore.
Perhaps that's where you are now.
And if it is?
There is nothing wrong with wanting more connections.
There is nothing embarrassing about wishing you had someone to call.
Or someone to meet for coffee.
Or someone who understood this particular chapter of your life.
Take another slow breath.
And as you breathe out… Allow yourself.
To acknowledge that desire.
Without judging it.
Maybe you've thought about making new friends?
But haven't known where to begin.
Perhaps the thought of walking into somewhere alone makes you nervous.
Perhaps you imagine everyone else already knows one another.
Maybe you worry that you'll have nothing to say.
Or that somehow you'll be the odd one out.
Perhaps you've reached out before?
And it wasn't reciprocated.
Perhaps a friendship has hurt you.
Someone you trusted disappointed you.
Or maybe.
.
.
You've simply become so accustomed to your own company.
That's opening your life to someone new.
Feels unfamiliar.
Whatever comes up for you.
Let it be there.
You don't need to talk yourself out of it.
Just.
.
.
Breathe.
And now.
.
.
I'd like you to take some of the pressure away.
You don't need to find your new best friend.
You don't need to walk into a room.
To instantly belong.
You don't need to meet someone and immediately know that you've found your person.
Connection.
Can begin much more quietly.
Buh-bye!
Conversation.
A smile.
Accepting an invitation.
Sitting beside someone new.
Speaking to the person you regularly see but have never really talked to.
Asking someone if they'd like to have a coffee.
Small openings.
That's all.
No tears.
How it feels.
When you think about friendship.
That way.
Not as something you have to find.
But something you can simply make a little more room for.
You don't have to feel completely confident.
Before you reach towards another person.
You can feel nervous.
And still say hello.
You can feel awkward.
And still begin a conversation.
You can wonder whether someone likes you.
Without changing yourself.
To make sure that they do.
Take a slow breath in.
And breathe out.
Now.
Imagine yourselves.
Somewhere you might naturally meet.
I never pay this to him.
Somewhere connected.
To something you genuinely enjoy.
Perhaps a class?
The cafe.
A walking group.
A bookshop?
Yoga studio Gathering.
It doesn't really matter where.
Imagine yourself.
Arriving.
And this time.
You don't have to perform.
You don't need to appear interesting.
Or confident.
Or funny.
You don't need to decide what everyone thinks of you.
Before they've even had the chance to know you.
You can simply arrive.
Ass.
Yourself.
Imagine looking around.
Perhaps there's someone nearby?
I'm not a person.
With their own life.
Their own worries.
Their own insecurities.
Their own reasons for being there.
Perhaps they're hoping someone will speak to them,
Too.
Imagine saying something.
Aud Re.
Nothing clever.
Nothing rehearsed.
Just the beginning.
Of a conversation.
They answer.
And you talk for a moment.
That's enough.
Let the scene fade.
We can put so much pressure on those first moments of connection.
Did they like me?
Did I talk too much?
Was I interesting enough?
Should I message them?
What if they don't reply?
But friendship.
It doesn't have to begin.
With certainty.
It can be good.
With curiosity.
I wonder who this person is?
I wonder whether we might enjoy talking again?
I wonder what could happen if I allowed this connection a little room?
To grow.
Bring your attention back.
To your breath.
And perhaps quietly repeat.
I am open to new connections.
I don't have to prove that I belong.
I can let people get to know the real me.
Can allow friendship to develop slowly.
And remember.
Making friends isn't about just whether somebody chooses you.
You are choosing,
Too.
You can notice how you feel around someone.
Do you feel comfortable?
Do they listen?
Is there warmth?
Can you be yourself?
Can you disagree?
Can you be quiet?
Do you leave their company feeling more like yourself?
Rather than less.
You don't need everyone to like you.
And you don't need to belong everywhere.
Some people simply won't be your people.
That's okay.
The aim isn't to make yourself acceptable to everyone you meet.
It's simply to leave enough doors open.
For the right connections.
Do you have somewhere?
To begin.
Perhaps there's already someone in your life you'd like to know a little better.
Someone you've enjoyed talking to.
Someone you occasionally see.
Someone you've thought about inviting for a coffee or a walk.
And then talked yourself out of it.
If someone comes to mind.
Just notice them.
And imagine taking one small step.
Sending the message.
Suggesting.
The coffee.
Joining the class.
Accepting the invitation.
Starting the conversation.
You may notice a little nervousness.
That's okay,
You don't need to get rid of it.
Sometimes courage is simply doing something small.
While feeling slightly uncomfortable.
And now,
I'd like you to consider something.
There may be people you haven't met yet.
Who will one day feel familiar.
People whose names you don't know today.
Whose stories you've never heard.
Those kitchens you've never sat in.
Whose messages have never appeared on your phone.
Someone you haven't met yet?
May one day know exactly how you take your coffee.
They may know the stories you've told a hundred times.
They may know when you're pretending.
You're fine.
They may make you laugh on the day when you really need it.
And you may become that person for them too.
You don't have to know where they are.
You don't have to find them today.
You simply have to remain open.
To the possibility of meeting them.
Quiet season.
In your life.
Isn't necessarily.
A pandemic one.
Sometimes,
We find ourselves between versions of our lives.
After some connections have fallen away.
And before the new ones have had time to grow.
So,
Bring your attention back to your body now.
Feel the surface beneath you Notice the air against your skin.
Listen to the sounds around you.
And quietly repeat.
I am open to connection.
I can be myself and allow myself to be known.
I don't need to force friendship.
I can simply create opportunities for it to begin.
Take a deeper breath in.
.
.
And slowly let it go Begin to move your fingers.
Your toes.
Perhaps gently roll your shoulders.
And before you open your eyes… Think of one small opening you could create.
Not a goal to make new friends.
Nothing you need to achieve.
Dust.
An opening.
A message.
Conversation.
An invitation.
Ah,
Yucks.
Let that be enough.
Because somewhere beyond the life you know today.
There are conversations you haven't had yet.
Laughter you haven't shared yet.
And people you haven't met yet.
You don't have to know how any of it will happen.
Just leave the door open.
Take one final slow breath.
And when you're ready.
Gently open.
Your eyes.
