Transforming Anger, Blame & Defensiveness ~ From Reactivity To Responsibility

We all know the pain of reactivity — those moments when anger takes over, when defensiveness walls us off, or when blame pushes others away. These emotions are human, but when left unexamined, they can damage trust, block growth, and create cycles of conflict.

This 4-part course offers a clear and compassionate path forward through the tools of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Together, we’ll explore the hidden needs beneath anger, defensiveness, and blame, and learn how to transform these patterns into clarity, empathy, and responsibility.

Through reflective teachings and practical applications, you’ll learn to (1) Understand the wisdom behind anger and channel it into clarity, (2) Decode defensiveness and soften it with empathy, (3) Move beyond blame to open the door to real growth, and (4) Shift from automatic reactivity to conscious responsibility.

Each session blends insight with practical takeaways you can apply immediately in daily life — in your relationships, family, work, or inner dialogue.

If you’re ready to transform reactivity into resilience, this course will help you cultivate deeper compassion, freedom, and authentic communication.

image: Aziz Acharki
sound: Permafrost by Scott Buckley | Samuel F. Johanns

Leçon 1: Understanding Anger ~ From Fire to Clarity

What is anger? To better understand violence and conflict—and reduce the suffering they cause—we first need to understand anger itself.

In this session, you’ll explore two illuminating perspectives on the mechanics of anger: one based on the brilliant work of Andrew Holocek, and one rooted in Nonviolent Communication (NVC), as developed by Marshall Rosenberg and Yoram Mosenzon.

Alongside these insights, you’ll be invited to notice anger in your own life with more awareness and compassion, and to practice creating space in the heat of the moment. Instead of fueling conflict, anger can become a signal that points toward clarity, empathy, and choice.

Leçon 2: Defensiveness Decoded ~ An Empathic Deconstruction

“Stop being so defensive.” Have you ever heard those words—or said them to someone else? Chances are, that moment didn’t bring the understanding you hoped for.

In this session, we’ll take a closer look at what defensiveness really is. Drawing on Nonviolent Communication (NVC), we’ll explore how moving beyond labels into observations, feelings, and needs allows us to connect more deeply. We’ll also bring in insights from Internal Family Systems (IFS), where defensiveness is understood as the work of a “protector part” trying to keep us safe.

You’ll be invited to notice defensiveness in yourself and others with more compassion, and to experiment with responding in ways that soften conflict and open connection.

Leçon 3: Why Blame Blocks Growth ~ And How to Let It Go

Blame is tempting — it gives us a quick sense of relief by putting responsibility on someone else. But in the long run, blaming others (or ourselves) is not only unpleasant and toxic, it also disempowers us and blocks real growth.

In this session, we’ll explore why blame is such a common pattern, and how Nonviolent Communication (NVC) helps us move beyond it. You’ll be invited to practice shifting from accusation to ownership, and to discover the freedom and clarity that come from taking responsibility for your needs.

Leçon 4: From Reactivity to Responsibility with NVC

What does it really mean to be “triggered”? And what role does the other person play when our triggers get touched? Most importantly, where does our true responsibility begin?

In this session—based on a live talk at Insight Timer and grounded in years of experience with Nonviolent Communication (NVC)—we’ll explore how to shift from automatic reactivity into empowered responsibility. Through metaphors, real-life examples, and practical tools, you’ll discover how to bring more clarity, presence, and choice into emotionally charged moments.

Reviews

A helpful short course on recognizing & managing feelings of anger & defensiveness in self & others. I’ll be coming back to it for a refresher listen/lesson!