Dealing With Difficult People: A Somatic Exercise

How do you deal with difficult people without shutting down, exploding, or losing yourself? I guide you through a simple somatic exercise using your imagination: picture a difficult person, such as a boss, across the room, notice how your body responds, shrink them down and move them further away, then see what it is like to take up more space yourself. The aim is to stay present and steady in your own body, without needing to change the other person. You can say the words with me: "I can take up space." This content is educational and is not a substitute for one to one professional care.

Transcript

Hi beautiful people. Today I'm going to share the first video in a new series I'm designing. Called How to Deal with Difficult People. I think we all have someone in our lives who we kind of feel like it's just hard for us to feel relaxed around or They create a lot of activation in our system whenever we have interactions with them or even think about having to interact with them. Now, It might be a friend, A family member, A colleague, Your boss. It doesn't really matter who it is. We're just going to do this overall series on how to deal with difficult people. When there's someone in your life who creates an ongoing challenge for you, How do you navigate that in your nervous system? I'm going to use the example of your boss being that difficult person in the video today because for many people There's also that sense with their boss that it's an authority figure and that they can't fight or flee or really use their voice in specific ways against their boss if their boss is being demeaning or rude. Or just harsh in some way that doesn't feel good to your nervous system because of course there's that fear that Well, What if I lose my job? I need this job. I need this paycheck. So I just have to sit here and take it. And that's really hard on our nervous systems because really what it causes us to do is go into a state of freeze and shut down in the body. While under the surface we've got a lot of activation churning. If you're sitting there with your boss, There might be a lot happening in your nervous system that's just telling you to get up and run out of the room. But then you hold yourself in your seat and you stay instead. Or there might be something in your nervous system that wants to. . . Say something back to your boss or raise your voice or Express yourself, Your anger, Your agency toward them. But then you also constrict that and hold that back because of this power dynamic that's created in the relationship. So we end up freezing, Shrinking into ourselves. Taking it all on and feeling just awful and stuck in these situations with difficult people difficult boss So I'm going to share an exercise today that we can just kind of feel what happens in your own nervous system When you're allowed to take up a little bit more space without fleeing or fighting against your boss But simply to feel in yourself that you can be there in your agency taking up the space in the seat that you're feeling right then and there and still stay pretty regulated in your body. So find a comfortable seat, Get settled in. And we'll take a moment here just to imagine that difficult person in your life. Across the room from you. So we're just using the imagination as a way to tap into the bodily response. The body, The part of the brain that feels the body can't distinguish between what's real and what's imagined. This is why visualization is so effective. All we have to do is imagine they're standing there. And the body starts to respond as if they're really standing there. But of course, They're not really standing there, So we might feel a little more freedom to just play with our own nervous system, Knowing they're just imaginary over there on the other side of the room. So bring that difficult person to stand right there across the room from you. I'm actually going to use the image of an old boss I had many years ago. It was a very toxic environment. Really misogynistic experience to work underneath him. And at the time I was young, I was very much in my people pleasing phase. I had no idea how to access my agency. And so I would just cover up all of my rage and all of my anger that I had toward this person and freeze and kind of do whatever he said to do. And I just left that job feeling horrible. So I'm going to imagine that guy. Right over there for a moment. And you do the same with whoever in your life is listening. Just creating challenge for you to stay peaceful and to stay regulated. As you imagine that person there, Take some time to feel what happens automatically in your body. As I imagine that. Old boss of mine across the room. I feel my eyebrows furrow. I feel kind of a dropping sensation in my body, This old collapse that my system would just go into. In his presence, Internal sense of collapse and shut down. I also feel a slump. Happening in my spine and my shoulders. Now it's subtle. I don't know if you can see it, But I can feel it in my body. The body's way of getting smaller. Being small and unseen by that person felt safer. In my experience with him. So my body would shrink, It would constrict. It would collapse. And it would stay stuck in that state with him. So take this time to feel if any of that is true in your own body or maybe there's a different response. Maybe you feel a rising up of fight energy and want to get really angry and just attack and go ballistic. Maybe there's a part of you that your feet and your legs want to just jump up out of the chair and run and get away from this person. Whatever your body's doing, Just notice it. Just observe, This is how your body is. Responds in the moment to this person. And now we're going to begin the exercise, Again, Using the imagination. You're going to use your imagination to imagine that that boss, That person in their full height, Their full width, Their full shape. And use your mind to start to shrink them down. So just imagining. They had some magic spell casts on them and they were just shrunk all the way down till they were teeny teeny tiny. So you could almost hold them in the palm of your hand. They're still there, But they're much smaller. You can do that and then put them even further away. So maybe they're. . . Out the window or further away from you in this space, Shrunk down, Lots more space in between the two of you. And as you imagine them teeny tiny and a little further away. Notice what happens in your own body. As I imagine that old boss of mine teensy and outside my window like on the other side of the street that's out my window so he's far away shrunk down to the size of like a paper clip. I suddenly feel a little joyful in my chest. It's almost a little funny. Just imagining him so small. And there it is, I feel a much fuller breath. So the constriction in my chest, That collapse feeling released. There's more openness there. I can even feel it in my voice. My voice is lower and deeper in my body, Which reflects I'm more here. I'm more in myself. My breath is more natural and fuller. And I feel the opposite of that constriction and shrinking. It's like, Here I am, My shoulders broaden a little bit. So just take some time to notice your own responses. And if you don't feel much, Shift. Then you might explore actually letting yourself get a little bigger. So the opposite of that constriction and shrinking we often do when we're stuck and trapped in these situations with really challenging people. Is actually feeling that you can take up space. You know, They might take up a lot of space in those interactions with their anger, Their opinions, Their projections onto whatever it is that's difficult about them. It takes up a lot of space in the room, Causing you to shrink, Collapse, Freeze, Want to flee. So with them. Teeny tiny and at a much safer distance. See what it's like to take up more space with your own body. Feel. Softening and then expansion. Wherever it's available. A subtle lengthening of your spine, A lift of your gaze. And let's say the words together. I can take up space. I can take up space. Notice where that lives inside of you, That sense of your own agency, Your own self who deserves to be here. And notice that even with that person still present, Still there, With them being further away and smaller, Your body's able to register something different, That there's not this big imminent threat right in your face. Looming over overwhelming you that you get to experience that person actually a little bit differently or a lot differently and Feel what happens in yourself as you're able to expand So I hope you enjoy practicing shrinking down into tiny little beings, Anyone in your life who's been giving you difficulty lately. And just exploring how you're able to show up a little bit differently in those environments, In those interactions. When you feel like you can stay. Fully in your space, In your body. All right, Hope you enjoyed and there's more to come, So check back soon.