Unlearning the Old Rules About Anger

02:47

Unlearning the Old Rules About Anger

by Dr. Jonice Webb

Rated

5

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

48

Is anger a justified emotion, or just a cover for hurt and sadness? If you grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), you may have absorbed messages like "anger is bad" or "keep it out of this house," which can lead to holding anger in until it builds up and spills over. Dr. Jonice Webb explains how anger naturally follows hurt, why it's an energizing emotion meant to help you protect yourself, and how to use it healthily, including when it's wiser to simply manage it. She closes with a few reflective questions about the lessons you learned about anger growing up and how you relate to it today.

Attachment Based Self Reflection Emotional Labeling Affect Naming Practice Sensorimotor Awareness Practice Anger Emotional Neglect Emotional Expression Emotional Awareness Anger Management Childhood Emotional Neglect

Meet your Teacher

Dr. Jonice Webb

Arundel, ME 04046, USA

Meet your Teacher

Dr. Jonice Webb

Arundel, ME 04046, USA

Transcript

Hi, I'm Dr. Denise Webb, Clinical psychologist and author of the Running on Empty book. I got a great question in the last couple of weeks. The question was, Is anger a justified emotion or is it just a cover? For feelings of hurt or sadness. And I get questions about anger all the time in my private practice. And maybe it's because I see a lot of people who grew up with some amount of childhood emotional neglect. And the problem is when you grow up in a home, That doesn't understand emotions and how they work. Anger can be one of the first and primary emotions that you learn the wrong lessons about. So if you grow up in a home that unfortunately doesn't understand anger or what it's for, Or that it's normal and healthy, You might get the wrong messages like anger is bad. You're not allowed to show anger. You're not allowed to feel anger. Keep it out of this house. And you may, What that might lead to if everyone in the family is taught to repress their anger, It can lead to you basically and people in the household. Holding back their anger and then there may be various explosions when the anger just gets too intense because it just builds up, Right? So, About anger. Anger is It should follow the feelings of hurt or sadness when someone mistreats you or harms you or something happens that is upsetting for you. Then you are going to feel upset, Sad, Hurt. Wounded, Harmed. Those are important feelings to feel. But the anger is also important because it should follow those feelings. And what anger does is it provides you with Energy, Think about it, Anger is an energizing emotion. It motivates you, It pushes you to take action to protect yourself. So as long as you're aware that you're angry. And you listen to those messages from your body that the anger is bringing you. And you use the anger in a healthy way to protect yourself. Then you are using the anger properly. Not all anger, Of course, Has to be expressed or acted upon. Sometimes you just need to manage it and really use your brain to process it and think about what's best for you. So I ask you now to think about what kind of messages did you receive about anger growing up? How do you handle your anger now? Do you allow yourself to feel it, Express it, And use it? Send me more questions in the comments because I love answering them in the next video. Take care and thanks for watching.