The Missing Ingredient in an Emotionally Neglectful Family

08:41

The Missing Ingredient in an Emotionally Neglectful Family

by Dr. Jonice Webb

Rated

4.9

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

69

Like a beautiful cake baked without enough sugar, an emotionally neglectful family can look perfectly fine on the outside: full of love, structure, and care, while quietly missing the one ingredient that makes it feel warm and connected: enough attention to feelings. This video walks through eight subtle signs that your family may have been emotionally neglectful, from surface-level conversations to a lingering sense of loneliness even when you're together. You'll also learn a simple way to start healing: choosing one pattern from the list and consciously practicing its opposite in your own life, one small, imperfect step at a time.

Self Coaching Practice Growth Mindset Habit Loop Awareness Emotional Neglect Family Emotional Awareness Emotional Validation Self Care Emotional Expression Interpersonal Conflict Childhood Emotional Neglect Family Dynamics

Meet your Teacher

Dr. Jonice Webb

Arundel, ME 04046, USA

Meet your Teacher

Dr. Jonice Webb

Arundel, ME 04046, USA

Transcript

Hi, Dr. Janice Webb here, Clinical psychologist. Welcome to my video series on emotional neglect. Well in this video I'm going to give you eight warning signs of emotional neglect in a family. I will tell you what the eight signs are very shortly, But first I want to start with explaining some important things about how emotionally neglectful families work. So as adults, Most of us tend to minimize the impact that our birth families, Or what therapists call the family of origin, Have on our daily choices and lives. But the reality is that the family you were born into and that raised you still lingers in your adult brain. Influencing your feelings, Reactions, And choices. In 1953, D. W. Winnicott, A very famous. Researcher and author first introduced the concept of the good enough mother in a groundbreaking book called Playing and Reality. His words change the field of psychology and mental health forever by linking the way you experience your connection with your parents in childhood to the way you are as an adult. His essential concept was that you don't need a perfect parent to turn out okay. You only need to have a parent that's good enough. A 2019 research study by Susan Woodhouse found that a parent only has to get it right 50% of the time to be a good enough parent. So let's talk about childhood emotional neglect for a minute. So childhood emotional neglect, Or CEN, Happens when your parents Sufficiently neglect your emotions and emotional needs. Meaning they do not notice what you are feeling. Ask about your feelings, Connect with you on an emotional level, Or validate your feelings enough emotionally. Emotionally neglectful parents usually have no idea they are neglecting their children's emotions. They're typically folks who tend to turn a blind eye to feelings in general, Including their own, Their friends, Their families, Their co-workers. And that includes their children. They may mean well and care to you. For and want to do their best for their kids. They probably have no idea what they're missing. This can make many emotionally neglectful families challenging. To spot. They are indeed good enough in the most visible ways. They may provide you with a home. Food, Clothing, And rides to soccer practice. But they do not have frank talks with you about problems you're facing. Soothe you enough when your friends hurt your feelings. Or teach you how to notice, Name, Or manage your emotions. The one failure of the emotionally neglectful family is emotional. There may be enough hugs. There may be enough money. There may be enough food and clothing. But this family does not manage to provide enough emotional awareness, Validation, Compassion, Or emotional care to the children. So this is what makes emotionally neglectful, Families difficult to see, Or identify. Unlike. . . Physical neglect, Emotional failures are difficult to see. So let's talk about how childhood emotional neglect plays out in a family. As a psychologist who works with adults who grew up with childhood emotional neglect every day. I have seen how it affects people's relationships with their families of origin. It often results in adult children who sense that something is wrong with them, But have no idea what that is. And are also baffled by their feelings about their families. So now I'm going to tell you eight signs of emotional neglect to watch for in your family. So the first is that your family conversations tend to be surface topics. Meaning they're seldom about emotional or meaningful or painful or negative things. They may even make it boring. The second is that you sometimes feel an unexplained resentment or anger towards your parents. Which you may feel guilty about. So you go to family events with hopes of enjoying yourself, But you often. . . Come away feeling empty or disappointed. The third. Our difficult or interpersonal problems in the family are generally ignored instead of addressed directly. The next one is that it feels like your siblings are competing with each other. But you're not sure for what. The sixth is that affection in your family is expressed via action, Meaning doing things for people and not so much by words or emotional expression. Perhaps only negative emotions but maybe all seem taboo in your family. And the last is that you feel surprisingly lonely or left out when you're with your family. The members of an emotionally neglectful family do suffer. They suffer from what goes unsaid. Unshared. Undiscussed. Unnoticed and unvalidated. If your family is emotionally neglectful and if you If you are living this way, You might notice some of the above signs that I just gave you. And whenever you spend time with them. Just like a beautiful cake baked without enough sugar, What may appear to be fine is not fine. The emotionally neglectful family suffers from an absence of enough of a single ingredient that may not be visible. But which matters greatly to the enjoyment and quality. The feelings that should be sweetening the connections and warmth in the family are basically just shoved underground. This is why you may have felt bored or resentful or disappointed. Stifled or alone when it comes to your family. This is why it's so important to name the problem of childhood emotional neglect and make conscious decisions to fight against it in your own life. So now let's talk about what you can do. You can't fix your family, And you don't even need to try. In fact, You shouldn't try to fix your family. But you can start changing yourself. So choose an item from the list of eight. Signs that I gave you. Applies to your family and start behaving the opposite way in your own life. So, Talk about meaningful things. Fight against feeling guilty for your feelings. Focus on self-care with your family. Talk about difficult problems. Express your affection and warmth toward others in words and actions. Face your negative emotions. Or, You don't have to do it perfectly. Just keep that in mind. You don't have to do it perfectly. You only need to do it enough. Scores of good people have been in your shoes and walked your path before you. And many more are walking with you now. So last but not least, And above all. Please know that you are not alone. So if you found this video helpful, Please let me know in the comments. I'll be sharing much more about emotional neglect and how it affects your relationships with your family and other important people in your life. Thanks for watching. I'll see you again soon.