Hello,
Dr.
Denise Webb here,
Author of Running on Empty and Running on Empty No More,
Transform Your Relationships.
In our last video,
I talked about boundaries.
And I ended up talking about the internal boundary.
But just a refresher,
We all have two boundaries that protect us from people emotionally.
Picture them like this,
Surrounding you all the way around you.
Two boundaries,
An internal one and an external one.
Your external boundary protects you from what people in the outside world send your way.
So if someone says something mean or hurtful to you or something happens that hurts your feelings.
This boundary filters that for you.
It stops it right here.
And before it gets to your heart,
It goes through a series of processing so that only the part that deserves to get to your heart actually gets there.
This boundary is so very important.
Now the problem is.
.
.
If you grew up in a home where your family did not have a free exchange of ideas and an ability to explain emotions and experience emotions together and to talk about emotions like to say no or to say that hurt my feelings,
You don't necessarily get to learn how your external boundary should work and how to protect yourself in the world.
So if your outside boundary is weak,
Which certainly happens with childhood emotional neglect,
You will end up.
Getting overly hurt by the slings and arrows that people send your way.
They will go straight through to your heart because your outer boundary is not protecting you and things just go.
What happens then is that you're too easily hurt.
And if someone gives you a constructive criticism that maybe you could learn from,
Or they don't mean in a negative way,
But a helpful way,
For example,
You might take it way too much to heart.
The other way your boundaries can go wrong,
Your external boundaries,
Is to be too rigid.
And when that's the case,
You walk around overprotected so that almost no one can get to you.
And that is a very isolating way to live your life.
What might happen that goes along with this is that your feelings are hidden.
You don't share them because it makes you feel too vulnerable.
So we are looking for flexible boundaries under your control.
To help increase and improve your boundaries,
Learning how to experience your emotions and read them and understand them and express them is the answer.
Thanks for watching.
Take care.
Bye-bye.
