There's a teaching from the Yoga Sutras that I've loved for years.
It's Yoga Sutra 1.
33.
And there's one interpretation of it that I heard a long time ago that has stayed with me ever since.
And it goes something like this.
Kid.
If I'm being completely transparent,
The last line is probably why I remembered it.
Be indifferent to the wicked.
There's something almost freeing about that.
Because so much of our energy gets consumed by people who maybe frustrate us or disappoint us,
Provoke us,
Misunderstand us,
Or just seem determined to pull us into something that we don't actually want to be a part of.
And this teaching gives us another option that you don't always have to engage or explain.
You don't always have to correct.
You don't have to win.
And you don't have to understand why someone behaves the way they do.
Sometimes you can just simply see something for what it is and refuse to give it any more of your energy.
Before we get to that part,
I want to look at the whole teaching because together these four ideas offer a really practical way of moving through the world.
The first is this to be happy for people who are happy.
That sounds simple,
Right?
To celebrate each other until someone else's happiness touches something tender in us.
Someone gets the relationship you want,
The promotion,
Maybe the opportunity,
The house,
The success,
The recognition,
Their child accomplishes something wonderful.
Their life seems to be moving forward while yours feel stuck.
And suddenly,
Instead of experiencing their happiness as their happiness,
We turn it into information about our own life.
Why not me?
Am I behind?
Did I miss my chance?
Comparison can take another person's joy and somehow make it feel like evidence that we're lacking something.
But what if we practice something different?
What if someone else's happiness didn't have to threaten ours?
What if we could simply think,
Good for them?
And actually mean it.
That their happiness does not reduce the amount available to you.
Their opportunity doesn't cancel yours.
Their success is not proof that you have failed.
Right?
There's room for both.
The second part of the teaching is compassion for people who are suffering.
This one is also simple in theory,
But compassion doesn't mean fixing someone.
It doesn't mean carrying their pain for them.
It doesn't mean excusing their behavior that hurts you.
Sometimes compassion is simply remembering that we rarely know the full story of another person's life.
We don't know what happened before they walked into the room.
We don't know what grief is behind the anger.
What fear is behind the defensiveness.
What exhaustion is behind the withdrawal.
Compassion allows us to stay human without taking responsibility for something that isn't ours to carry.
The third part is to celebrate goodness.
To genuinely delight when someone is doing something beautiful,
Courageous,
Kind,
Or successful.
And I love this because it asks us to go beyond simply not being jealous.
It asks us to celebrate.
To let another person's goodness expand us instead of threaten us.
To let someone else's courage remind us that courage is possible.
To let their success inspire instead of diminishing in us.
Instead of asking,
Why them?
We can ask,
What does this show me as possible?
And then we get to my favorite part of this passage.
Be indifferent to the wicked.
Now indifference here doesn't mean ignoring cruelty.
It doesn't mean pretending harmful behavior is okay.
It certainly doesn't mean allowing someone to mistreat you.
A better word might be equanimity,
Steadiness,
The ability to see something clearly without allowing it to take over your state of mind.
And that distinction matters because there is a difference between awareness and fixation.
You can recognize that someone's behavior is unhealthy without spending the next six hours ruminating about it.
You can set a boundary without creating an entire courtroom in your mind where you've repeatedly proved your case.
You can disagree with someone without making it your mission to change them.
And you can know something isn't right for you without needing everyone else to agree.
And maybe one of the most powerful questions we can ask ourself is,
Does this deserve my energy?
Because not everything does.
Not every comment deserves a response.
Not every disagreement deserves an argument.
Not every misunderstanding needs to be corrected.
And not everyone is entitled to your explanation.
And not every person deserves unlimited access to your nervous system.
Think about how often something happens for five minutes and then we carry it for five hours.
Someone makes a comment,
We reply to it.
We imagine what we should have said.
We have conversations with them in our head.
We tell someone else about it.
We replay it again and again.
And the person who made the comment may have moved on completely,
But we're still carrying it.
Our jaw is tight,
Our shoulders are tense,
Our heart rate changes,
Our body is responding to a conversation that isn't even happening anymore.
And at some point we have to ask.
Do I want to keep giving this to my body?
Do I want to keep giving this my attention?
Do I want to get keep giving this space in my life?
Sometimes the answer will be yes,
But most often it's no.
Some things do require action,
Some things require hard conversations,
And some things require boundaries.
And sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves or someone else.
Know that equanimity is not passivity.
It's discernment.
It's knowing when action is needed and knowing when to continue the engagement.
And also knowing when to discontinue the engagement,
Because it's keeping you trapped in something you no longer need to carry.
Sometimes peace looks like speaking and sometimes peace looks like silence.
You don't need the final word.
You don't need this person to understand you.
You don't need to change their mind.
You can see this clearly and still choose peace.
So maybe this teaching becomes four simple questions we carry with us when someone is happy.
Can I be happy for them?
When someone is suffering,
Can I respond with compassion?
And when someone is doing something good,
Can I celebrate them?
When someone behaves in a way that is harmful,
Negative,
Manipulative,
Or simply not aligned with how I want to live,
Can I remain steady?
Can I respond if I need to and let that go?
Protecting your peace does not mean avoiding life.
It means becoming more intentional about what you allow to live inside you.
You can care deeply without caring anything and everything.
You can be compassionate without absorbing.
You can celebrate someone without comparing and you can recognize harmful behavior without being consumed by it.
Maybe that is part of this ancient teaching that feels the most relevant now.
You don't have to give everything your attention.
You don't have to give everyone your energy.
You are allowed to decide what deserves space in your mind.
So today notice.
Where are you giving energy that you no longer want to give?
What conversations are you still replaying?
What person are you still trying to convince?
And what situation are you continuing to carry long after it has passed?
Alright,
See that clearly and do what needs to be done,
And then if you can,
Put it down.
Not everything deserves your energy and sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is to simply stop giving it yours.
