Close your eyes.
Take a slow,
Full,
Deep breath.
And as you exhale,
Allow your body to settle.
We are going on a journey,
A journey back to the beginning,
A journey back to the first version of you.
I want you to imagine something.
Imagine you fall in love,
Deeply,
Completely.
The kind of love that makes you want to give everything.
The kind of love that lights up your days and gives meaning to your nights.
You would give your life for them.
You would do anything to protect them.
But then time passes,
One year,
Two years,
Three years,
And you begin to notice them slipping away.
At first it's small,
A moment here,
A change there.
But over time,
Bit by bit,
Piece by piece,
They drift away.
Five years,
10 years,
15,
And suddenly the one you loved more than life itself becomes unrecognizable to you.
You still see their outline.
You still know it's them.
But the spark is gone.
The light has dimmed.
And your heart aches.
It breaks to see them go.
You want to reach out and pull them back,
But they slip further away.
The grief of watching someone you love abandon themselves is almost unbearable.
Hold that feeling.
Let yourself taste the sorrow.
Because that is how your first self,
Your original self,
Has felt watching you.
Now imagine again,
A baby is thrust into the world.
No manual,
No map,
No instructions.
Just soft skin,
Tiny hands,
A beating heart.
Nervous,
Confused,
Disoriented,
Exposed to a world it doesn't understand.
That baby is you.
Picture that baby.
At first,
You had only two things.
Yourself and perhaps your mother.
Once the cord was cut,
You were now breathing on your own.
Naked,
Dependent,
And yet inside you was something eternal.
Your first self.
Whole,
Bright,
Uncompromised.
Your core self.
This first self knew exactly who you are,
Why you are here,
What you came to do.
But then the world arrived.
Expectations.
Pressures.
Messages that said,
Not like that.
Not too much.
Not too loud.
Not too different.
And so little by little you learn to shift.
You learn to tuck parts of yourself away to stay safe.
To fit in.
To be accepted.
To survive.
Every time you did,
The first self inside you felt the ache.
Your first self cried out,
Don't go.
Don't forget.
Don't abandon me.
But you didn't hear it.
You were busy surviving.
Busy adapting.
And so your first self watched you slip away.
Day after day.
Year after year.
Until at times you became almost unrecognizable.
Your longing today is your first self.
The one who remembers everything.
Aching for you to return.
See that first self in your mind's eye.
Maybe it looks like a baby.
Maybe a child.
Maybe just a light.
Or a presence.
Look into their eyes.
See the hurt there.
The longing.
The love.
I see you.
I know I left you.
I know I abandoned you in order to survive.
And I am so sorry.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
I'm so sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
Let these words sink into the very cells of your being.
Let them travel back through time to the baby you are.
To the child you still are.
To every age and stage of you that needed to hear them.
Now turn again to your first self and tell them.
I will not abandon you again.
I choose to remember who I am.
Why I am here.
I choose to live as me.
I'm back to me.
Show me how to remember.
Show me how to live true.
Help me stay loyal to me.
Help me walk forward without leaving again.
Take a deep breath.
And let a warm golden light spread from your heart through your whole body.
See it filling your chest.
Flowing into your arms.
Spilling down your belly your legs into your feet.
Rising into your throat.
Your head.
The crown of your being.
Take a deep grounding breath.
And when you are ready open your eyes.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
