When You Get Put Down

00:30

06:55

When You Get Put Down

by Ann Weiser Cornell

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Has someone you see every week said something that stung so much you did not know how to go back? A student felt discounted in a group and carried a heavy feeling around for days. She acknowledged it with "something in me," said hello to it, and sensed what else it connected with from earlier in her life, which made it lighter, and then she could return to the group and speak up. Ann says pausing to listen to how you feel can calm everyone involved. This content is educational and is not a substitute for one to one professional care.

Felt Sense Check In Felt Shift Awareness Somatic Inquiry Emotional Healing Inner Peace Emotional Acknowledgment Emotional Connection Inner Peace Cultivation

Meet your Teacher

Ann Weiser Cornell

Berkeley, CA, USA

Meet your Teacher

Ann Weiser Cornell

Berkeley, CA, USA

Transcript

Hi, I'm Ant. And I wonder if your life seems more stressful than it used to be? I mean, Do you feel like you have more going on and fewer ways to cope than you used to have? Actually, No matter how much is going on outside of you, Inner peace is possible. And once you have more inner peace, It can radiate outward, So what's outside of you gets calmer too. We're not totally at the mercy of what happens to us. And I love that. Well, You might be thinking, Really? Well, I'll show you what I mean. By telling you the story of my student Alice. Who's in a study group in her rather small community. In a group like that, People have their personalities. And some can be easier to take than others, You know? And on this particular day, There was an interchange within the group. That left Alice feeling quite upset. In fact, She felt discounted, Put down, Made wrong. It was very painful. And when she left the group that day, She didn't know how she could ever go back. And because she lives in a small community. She felt like she had to find some way to deal with what happened. Confronting the person who did it seemed absolutely impossible. Went for a few days, Which is a long time, Really. Not knowing what to do. She couldn't say anything, She couldn't go back to the group, But in a way she also couldn't not go back. She really felt stuck. And she felt very bad. She felt bad about herself, Kind of stupid. She felt discounted and put down by this other person. The low feeling from that stayed with her very strongly. Like a dark cloud following her around. Well, Then Alice remembered some things she learned in a course with me. When you have a bad feeling, You can acknowledge it by saying, Something in me feels da da da. And two, You can make a relationship with the something. By turning toward it and saying, Hello. And three, You can take some time to sense what it's connected with that makes it feel so bad. So Alice acknowledged the painful feeling left over from what happened in the study group. She said, I am sensing something in me feels discounted and put down. And their help. Because she could feel there was more to her than that feeling. Now she felt the feeling more distinctly in her body. It was like a sharp, Heavy pressure in her chest. And for a little while, It even got stronger. But it was okay. She could be with it. Next, She said hello to the sharply heavy pressure feeling, Which also helped. There was a sense of the pressure easing. She wasn't pushing it away. She wasn't fighting it. She was allowing it to be there. And that made a difference that she could feel. Then Alice took time to sense. What this feeling also connected with. It wasn't just caused by what the person said in the group. Alice could feel help. Getting put down and feeling bad afterward was deep in her own history. She remembered times in her childhood, Times in school when she'd been bullied. And she was able to say, No wonder to the painful feeling. And amazingly, Although I'm not surprised, Discovering that this pain connected to earlier times in her life. Made the present feeling feel lighter. It became Bearable. Alice found herself starting to feel like she could go back to the study group again. Well, She did some journaling and she learned more about how the present feeling connected to earlier times in her life when she didn't have the resources she has now. And she was able to acknowledge the part of her carrying the memory of those earlier times, Like of being bullied in school. And she realized that what happened in the group. Bad as it was, Would not have bothered her, At least not nearly as much, If it hadn't been triggered by feelings from those past times. And because of all this, Alice was able to go back to the study group and say something in the group about what had happened. And people responded positively. It wasn't a confrontation. Their response was more like kind of being sorry that she'd felt that way. And because Alice had changed inside. The people in the group were not defensive. As perhaps they would have been if she had just hit back out of her pain. So, What were those three steps again? Well, One, Acknowledge the bad feeling by saying, Something in me feels da da da. Two, Make a relationship with the something by turning toward it and saying hello. Ed's three. Take time to sense what it's connected with. That makes it feel so bad. We may not know that a current event is triggering a painful past event. Although that often happens. And it happens much more frequently than people realize. So pausing to acknowledge how you feel can initiate an inner listening process that lets the triggered feelings start to calm down. And then. Everyone else in the situation feels calmer as well. We may need some time to get there. Alice took days, But hey! Taking days or even weeks is a lot better than not getting there. So Alice was grateful and I am too. That there is a way to get from put down to crushed to being okay, And it actually affects the other people in the situation as well. I love that.