Your Inner Champion – The Power Of True Forgiveness

The belief in unworthiness is deeply held by most of us. Your inner champion, your true Self, knows who and what you are. It looks past the distortions you have come to believe about your worth, knowing they come from your personal history. They are errors that block the truth about yourself and they need to be healed. In this segment you will learn how to let the inner champion teach you that nothing you have ever done can change your inherent worth, in spite of painful experiences in the past that tell you otherwise. It will show you that true Forgiveness restores the memory of your innocence and the recognition of your birthright to peace and safety through the power of Love.

Transcript

I'm pleased to be able to bring you this new series. It will help you open the door to the fulfillment of your dreams by discovering the power of forgiveness. This is not the forgiveness most of us learned as children based on the belief in the reality of sin and the judgment of ourselves and others because of it. True forgiveness is the acceptance of the innocence that is the core of your spiritual identity. It's only your belief in your unworthiness that blocks this awareness. The belief in unworthiness is deeply held by most of us. Your inner self however knows that nothing you have ever done can change your inherent worth in spite of your difficult and painful experiences in the physical world that tell you otherwise. The inner self is your real self, The loving, Powerful, Spiritual identity that's uniquely you. It knows who and what you are. It looks past the distortions about your worth knowing they come from your personal history and that they have no power to alter your identity. They are errors that block the truth about yourself and they need to be healed. For the inner self this is the meaning of forgiveness. It removes the blocks to love, Restoring your awareness of your inseparable union with it and the creative freedom that is your birthright. We'll talk extensively this season about how we develop such a distorted self-image, How it results in the suffering we experience, And why the traditional concept of forgiveness actually deepens the flaws we're trying to remove. By the end of the season you'll truly understand why only the inner self has the perspective to finally release us from them as it holds its light for you beside the golden door of forgiveness. The first step in this process then is to let yourself begin to accept the reality of the inner self and its role as your devoted champion because the job of the inner self is to lift us from the pain and suffering we experience and return us to the peace and happiness that is our birthright. It will guide us throughout our life to turn around and awaken us to its abiding love. It will return us to our true identity as love. The awareness of this self is within us. We can never extinguish the spark within that assures us of our reality but we become so distracted by the chaos and complexity in our lives that we lose our awareness of this wonderful powerful resource. Although its nurturing voice is continuous throughout our life, Most of us don't hear it until we're immersed in a crisis that threatens to upend all we've believed in. As a therapist, I've seen this many times when people come for counseling because they feel abandoned by someone or something in their life that they've depended on and feel a deep sense of loss and isolation. That's the moment when the inner self will say in effect, At last dear one, Turn around, Take my hand and let me show you the limitless power of love. This is a powerful opportunity for growth. Not knowing what to do or where to turn creates an open space for your inner self to intervene in your life and begin to restore your partnership with this true loving self and experience its devotion to awaken you to its eternal presence within you. In this first episode, I'm going to share the story of my own discovery of the inner self because in many ways it illustrates so much of what we'll be discussing throughout the season. So this segment will be longer than the episodes that follow. The others will be brief, About five to ten minutes, Ending with a short meditation to help you integrate the material and bring the experience into your day. So we begin. In July of 1982, A terrible incident occurred that left me feeling I might never be forgiven for my inability to prevent it. I was managing a program for high-risk babies of teenage parents when I got the telephone call that changed my life. One of my social workers told me that Sarai, A baby girl, Had been found dead in her mother's bed. I had known that Sarai's life was in danger from the day we opened the case on her. We'd followed her progress closely because the mother, Age 17, Had abused a first child. When she started to abuse Sarai, We tried twice to get protective custody. Both times, The county attorney turned us down despite our careful documentation. He wanted us to wait for even more proof. I was devastated by the loss of Sarai. To this day, I can't remember the drive from the government center where I worked to the rural suburb where I lived with my husband and two children. I remember standing at the kitchen sink, Numb, Staring out at the woods around our house. My thoughts were broken and jumbled. Would I ever be able to forgive myself? I knew I'd done all I could to prevent her death, But I still felt responsible. Sarai was only four months old when she died. I had never seen her, Yet I felt inexplicably attached to her. I was left with a terrible sense of loss. I could not know then that this heartbreaking loss was the beginning of a spiritual journey that would change my life forever. For the rest of the week, I stayed home. I couldn't go back to work. I hovered near the television, Watching the news and anxiously scanned the newspapers. I was looking for the report of her murder. 1982 was an election year. Unquestionably, I assured myself someone would expose the county attorney's refusal to remove Sarai from the clearly dangerous home environment. Certainly, There'd be political scrambling to explain his failure to act. Surely, Public scrutiny of Sarai's death would expose the clear pattern of the county attorney's refusal to use the law to protect children. In the ensuing public outcry, He'd lose his re-election bid and my program would have the court jurisdiction we needed to protect children like Sarai. By the end of the week, There was still no mention of her death in any media or from my colleagues. A curtain of silence seemed to have been lowered. The official verdict was on my desk when I returned to work. A police investigation labeled the death an accident and stated that a 15-month-old toddler pushed Sarai down the stairs in the apartment house where they lived. No one ever explained how the toddler got hold of the four-month-old baby. I was stunned. How could anyone possibly accept such an explanation? Sarai had been brought to Golden Valley Hospital. The doctor who examined her in the emergency room told the social worker that the infant's injuries resulted from the use of excessive force and determination. This was not the action of a toddler. Furthermore, Sarai had been found dead in her mother's bed, Not at the bottom of the stairs. Was Sarai's death covered up to protect the county attorney's reelection? The thought frightened me. If it were true, There was no way to protect a child like Sarai, Or any child for that matter. It's a politician's reading of what the public wants that determines how laws are enforced. Without public attention to the child protection system, There was no incentive for public officials to value children's lives. My God, I thought, How could I have been so naive? Not only did Sarai's unnecessary death not become a rallying cry, But the system didn't even see her death as meaningful. What was significant in this case was that Sarai's brutal death, If publicized by an upstart female social worker who should have been grateful she had a supervisory position, Might embarrass a rising political power or even cost him his political future. That could not be tolerated. Far from being rewarded for devotion to my work, I was probably seen as dangerous and someone to be punished, And that's exactly what happened. Some unidentified source high up in the county's administration suggested a complete review of all the cases in my program. I knew intellectually that the investigation was politically motivated, Yet I felt humiliated in my determination to become a champion for the helpless. I had become a victim myself. My program, Once so important to me, Was in complete disarray after the review. I went home each day from work exhausted. The energy and enthusiasm I previously devoted to my family responsibilities before Sarai's death vanished in the struggles I had with the system. I was deeply hurt by what was happening. I felt out of control everywhere. I had gone from being a self-confident, Relatively fearless woman, To being afraid of just about everything. I no longer felt safe anywhere. I scurried in and out of the parking ramp each day when I went to work. My fear must have marked me as vulnerable. One Sunday, Walking the short distance from my car to the entrance of a department store, I was mugged. After months of this turmoil, I met an old friend for lunch. Joyce, An administrator in a large social service agency, Had heard about my dilemma and wanted to see me. I brought her up to date on what was happening. She looked around carefully and then leaned toward me. She spoke softly. I'm worried about you, Kathleen. This business has really stirred up a hornet's nest. Hasn't it occurred to you you might actually be in danger? I was flabbergasted. What are you talking about? My heart began to pound. Look, Joyce said, The protection of children is a farce. Many people know it, But they don't have access to the information to prove it. And they don't have the energy or strength to say it publicly the way you did. You probably will have to get louder as time goes on and the heat will be turned up more and more. Should I start looking under the hood of my car? I tried to make it sound like a joke, But I was really beginning to feel frightened. No, I'm suggesting you start getting information from other levels of awareness about what's going on. I think you should make an appointment to see Diana Jordan, She said. Diana Jordan? Who's she? Diana, She explained, Was a gifted psychic who taught classes on the development of intuition and other forms of perception outside of ordinary sensory awareness. During a recent turmoil at her agency, Joyce had asked Diana to come in and speak to her staff. Diana showed them how to use other forms of knowing to help understand situations that defied intellectual explanations. If anyone else had made such a suggestion, I probably would have rejected it. But Joyce and I had been friends for a long time. She was a highly intelligent and capable person and I trusted her judgment. Furthermore, We shared a passion for theology. Both of us came from conservative religious backgrounds. Hers Lutheran, Mine Catholic. So I found this suggestion intriguing because it came from her. After the conversation with Joyce, I admitted to myself that I was really frightened. In fact, I recognized that I've been living with fear ever since the review of my program began. The county had power. I felt powerless. They could hurt me in many different ways. So I made an appointment to see Diana. Other than having my tea leaves read occasionally, I had never had a psychic reading and I did not know what to expect. I imagined a turbaned woman crouched behind beaded curtains gazing into a crystal ball. What a surprise when I met Diana. She was an unassuming and strikingly beautiful woman in her 30s. She met me at the door of a typical Minnesota home in a middle class neighborhood and ushered me into her office. It looked like a place where business was conducted. I sat across the desk from her. I felt comfortable as I told her about myself and the difficulties I was having because of my controversial program. I described my experience in general terms. She listened with what I can only describe as an unusual stillness. But there was something else. She noticed that I was not only absorbed by what I was saying but also attended to something within or around her. I was fascinated. When I stopped talking, She turned her head carefully and looked at the blank wall next to the desk. She began to talk. It was as if she were telling me about a movie she could see that was invisible to me. She described many of the people involved in the drama I was in and their fears about me. That I might expose them in a way that would necessitate great changes. I was amazed at what she was able to tell me and I asked her to explain what she was doing. Physical reality, She said, Is what we experience with our five senses. But there are other levels of reality. We can experience them if we use our inner senses. They correspond roughly to the outer senses we use in our daily experience. At the non-physical level of experience to which she was attuned, She worked with what she called spirit guides. Highly evolved beings who instruct and protect individuals in physical reality. Because these beings are not bound by the constraints of time and space as we are, They have an expanded view of the dimension in which we exist. They assist individuals who are in need and who deeply desire greater understanding and knowledge. This meeting was the first of many sessions with Diana. Slowly I began to feel a new sense of power. Not the power to change what was happening necessarily, But to better understand the meaning of what was happening. Perhaps I should have been able to depend on my own spiritual beliefs. Perhaps I should have been able to depend on a just and protective God in this personal crisis. But I had not seen this protective God in my life for a long time. I yearned for some evidence of divine interest, If not direct aid, In my turmoil. Diana's description of spirit guides reminded me of the guardian angels I'd believed in during my childhood. The thought of other levels of reality populated by non-physical beings charged with guidance and protection, Therefore, Filled me with wonder and hope. The information Diana received from her guides described my experience as a crisis designed for my spiritual growth. She saw me behind a vast dam that I was trying to break through using a small chisel. Eventually, She said I would break through the dam and the ensuing flood of water would carry spectacular gifts for me. I had several sessions with her and found them fascinating and deeply encouraging. When I went to see Diana for what would be our last session, Several friends who had supported me throughout my ordeal accompanied me. Diana went into an altered state. She described a vision of the United States as exploding under the force of some great change. She saw me with a group of women in a scene that looked like an election victory celebration. Flags were flying and confetti was everywhere. The information she related touched a deep sense of inner purpose for me. From a vastly elevated perspective, She described what I recognized was my lifelong desire to help restore the liberty and justice so lacking in our country's judicial systems. She told me I would work with others in my soul grouping who were also committed to these changes. It would not be through struggle and sacrifice and not through the judgment of others I believed were responsible for the corruption of justice, But through the focused use of divine love, The true source of all transformation. What a feeling of gratitude welled up in me as I left that day. Even though I could not imagine how such a transformation could happen, I felt with all my heart that I'd been guided to receive this information and that it was true. It reflected aspects of myself I had always sensed but never been able to articulate. I resigned from county community services and began my own inner transformational journey. Being free of the county and its political machinations was an exquisite relief. I needed to rest and recover my strength. Furthermore, There was a whole new, New to me area of knowledge I wanted to explore. The reading and psychic development I had done so far had described the dream state as a powerful dimension for influencing changes in physical reality. I wanted to know how, How could dreaming, A state that seemed to have no connection with everyday life, Change what happened during the day. One afternoon while browsing a bank of shelves in a metaphysical bookstore, A book suddenly fell to the floor and landed at my feet. It was Jane Roberts' book, The Nature of the Psyche. As I would soon discover that the book was a metaphor for the world, Roberts was one of the most renowned trance channels of the last century. A channel is a person who is skilled in receiving information directly from higher levels of consciousness without filtering the contents directly through his or her ego. In the truest sense, This ability is available to each of us. Anytime we throw aside the constraints of the ego and reach into our own deeper levels of creativity and inspiration, We may be said to be channeling. Jane Roberts and other metaphysical writers recommend lucid dreaming as a wonderful way to experience the immediate translation of our ideas into our reality. This process involves taking ordinary waking consciousness into the dream state. Because of the density of physical reality and our perception of time as real, It takes time for our thoughts to manifest as physical reality. In the dream state, However, There is neither time nor space and thought translates instantly into experience. Ordinarily when we go to sleep, Our waking consciousness also slumbers. Seldom are we able to recall all that happens in dreams when we awake. Yet, It's possible to come awake in our dreams and to be as awake there as we are in everyday life. The technique requires commanding our inner spiritual self to make this happen and the sincere desire for the experience. I found the idea very intriguing and was determined to try it out. Every night from then on, As I drifted off to sleep, I instructed my inner self to bring my waking consciousness into my dreams. And day after day, I awakened in the morning with no recollection of a lucid dream. This situation went on for weeks. Finally, One night when I was beginning to think I lacked the power for this, I gave the command again, But this time with a deep desire and a renewed belief that I'd be successful. And I was. I woke up in the dream state. I knew I was dreaming and that I was fully conscious. I felt a dramatically heightened sense of perception. My body and everything around me had a luminous quality as if my perceptions were infused with brilliance I had never known before. In this state, Our feelings are heightened and we still carry our overall beliefs because the psychological pain of Sarai's death and the aftermath of Sarai's death were not yet healed. My dream was one of terror. In the midst of experiencing this fear, I evoked an ardent desire to change what was going on and a remarkable thing happened. I felt myself endowed with, Or rather I became, The idea that filled my head, You create your own experience. You can alter it at any time. Each time this idea came to the fore, My dream experience instantly changed. Finally, I again became the idea you can change your experience at any time, But this time I held on to it and at that moment I consciously understood that it was I who was creating the experience and therefore it was I who could change it. I shouted excitedly, I want to go home to my own bed. Instantly, I was in a room with a series of beds like mine all made up invitingly. I dove into the most appealing and turned over on my back. Immediately, What seemed to be a wall of darkness appeared before me at the foot of the bed, Lifted to plunge me headlong into this black void. My dream body vanished and fully conscious now, I moved from the dream state into physical reality. The transition between dimensions occurred with incredible speed and force. Because of the density of this dimension in contrast to the speed and light of the dream state, I experienced the movement into my physical body somewhat like running through a brick wall. At the instant of direct transition between dimensions, I felt a diffuse sensation of nausea and a sense of fear. I felt a sense of fear as my body became what appeared to be millions of tiny particles that coalesced into my physical body which slipped into my own bed. To an observer, The process my dream body went through would have looked very much like a scene from Star Trek following the captain's oft-used magic command, Beam me down Scotty. As I sat there, I was still reeling and feeling a bit nauseated. Was my body the same as when I went to sleep? It was. Then the magnitude of my experience struck me. I've done it, I thought excitedly. I've done it. That was a lucid dream. My experience with lucid dreaming was a turning point in my spiritual development. It was now impossible for me to deny the existence of my inner spiritual self and its loving guidance. This self intervened at a critical time in my life using the lucid dream to teach me our thoughts create our reality. There was absolutely no question that I had been as conscious in that dream as I was in my ordinary waking experience. And the transition from my dream body into my physical body was an unforgettable demonstration that non-physical spiritual ideas are the source of our physical experience. I would come to know this as an inner champion. The spiritual self within each of us determined to bring about the creative freedom we're destined to know. I realized that I had deeply held beliefs that I did not deserve to be loved and to be loving. Beliefs that are essential to using our creative power. They were the result of my refusal to forgive myself for the many perceived failures in my life which I believed just deserved punishment rather than love. The inner self knows that nothing we have ever done or has been done to us can alter our deserving to be loved. As I surrendered to its loving correction, I went through an often painful process of releasing much of the past beliefs which had become unconscious barriers to love and a new identity gradually emerged. Much like the classic transformational analogy of a caterpillar to a butterfly, I longed for greater freedom. My marriage ended and I began a new life. I took a job as the director of a hospital-based mental health clinic in a small southern Minnesota town. I was eager to create a center that integrated the principles of spiritual healing I was learning with traditional mental health practice. The program had been in chaos for many months without a capable psychologist to provide clinical staff supervision. I quickly located a brilliant woman for the job. Jill was very attuned to spiritual practice. She shared my vision and I was able to work with her. She was very attuned to spiritual practice. She shared my vision and became a lifelong friend and partner on my spiritual quest. We decided to do a retreat for staff bringing in several friends who are respected channels. We wanted to give staff an expanded perspective of spirituality as a great resource for healing. When we broke for lunch, Marsha, One of the presenters, Asked me to join her in their hotel room. She smiled and said she had a special message for me. A little nervous, I sat in front of her as she centered herself and went into a light trance. Her voice had a sweet resonance as she spoke. I'm here to give you information about the child at Sarai. I gasped and felt tears start to stream down my cheeks. She continued saying, This one is a spirit you have known in many lifetimes. She took on the role of this abused child to spark your growth and free you from your enslavement to the victimization that would have prevented your fulfillment as a true champion. She has already re-embodied in a loving family and she will come back into your life again. You will know her as Sarah. Kindly putting her hand on my shoulder, She ended saying, When you finish your work on this plane, You will hand your torch to her and there will be recognition one to the other. Several years later, Shortly after moving into a new home, I was invited to join one of my new neighbors for coffee. Mary was a lively petite blonde married with two daughters. We'd been chatting for a while when the girls burst into the great room, Laughing and breathless from playing at the lake. Mary smiled broadly at the older girl and introduced her as Vivian. She pulled the younger child to her, Putting her arm around her waist. She kissed her cheek saying, And this is Sarah. My heart skipped a beat as my eyes met hers. Was there a flicker of recognition? Oh my God, I thought, Could this really be Sarai? No, This can't be happening, I thought as I fought back tears. How could I really know if this lovely child were the one I lost? I watched her from a distance that summer playing like any other child. I didn't know how to relate to her. I thought if I were to be a part of her life, I thought if I were ever to meet her, She'd be an adult. I felt confused and detached in her presence. I needed proof that the joyous promise of her return in my life was real. One afternoon after having lunch with Mary and several other women, When the conversation turned quickly to our experiences with childbirth. As we all chatted about the horrors of our respected deliveries, Mary said casually, Sarah's birth had been somewhat premature and strange. I stiffened trying to disguise my urgency saying, What do you mean strange? Mary frowned slightly and said, My contractions came on suddenly and powerfully in the middle of the night. We were still on the freeway close to the hospital when I felt her head crowning. I screamed for Neil to pull over and I delivered her a few minutes later. The strange thing was I had this overwhelming feeling that she didn't want to be born in that hospital. What hospital? I asked, My voice breaking. Golden Valley Hospital, She replied. I felt my heart pounding. Several months after her death, I met the physician who was on duty when Sarai was brought to the ER. He confirmed what my social worker had told me. She'd been taken to Golden Valley Hospital. I looked across the table to Jill who knew about my experience. Her eyes were shining in silent, Joyous acknowledgement of what was happening. I knew at that moment I had truly been given an unforgettable gift from the inner self. It was a triumph of love's meaning. Sarah's presence in my life became a constant living miracle that would sustain my spiritual journey through many trials and help me guide the journey of others. Although I moved away shortly after this revelation, I was still deeply moved by her presence. I continued my friendship with Sarah's family. I watched her grow up from a distance and this too was a precious gift for me as I still felt awkward and almost reverential around her. It would be many years before I finally decided I needed to talk with her directly about our history together. She was a beautiful young woman in her 20s, Completing a graduate degree and deciding on a professional path. I believed that knowing about the depth of our relationship would add an important spiritual dimension to her awareness of herself. I decided to tell Mary first about what I intended to share with Sarah. I asked her to meet me for coffee and told her about my experience at the county and the murder of an infant I had tried to protect. As I reached the end of my story, Mary abruptly interrupted and said matter-of-factly, And Sarah is Sarai. My jaw dropped and I stammered, How did you, How did, I mean, How did you know? We've always known, She said, Weighing her response. We never knew the details you just told me, But Sarah has always known she has a special relationship with you. I was stunned. I didn't know how to understand what she was telling me, But I felt again a deep sense of gratitude and wonder at the reaffirmation of Sarah's identity and her presence in my life. I didn't press her further about how she'd known about my relationship with Sarah, I quickly realized her intuition reflected the spiritual reality clearly showing itself once again. I was with Sarah a few weeks later. She had just finished a degree in social media and I told her I needed help with an online project. It was the first time we'd ever been alone together as adults. I hadn't seen her in quite some time since she'd been away at college. She was a lovely young woman now, Glowing that day with long blonde hair and enormous sparkling blue eyes. I again felt the mixture of reverence and love that had always made me feel awkward in her presence. She was chatting excitedly, Bubbling over with her characteristic openness. She eventually told me everything that was happening in her young life. Part of her great purity, I thought marveling again at the living gift she represented for me. I wondered how I could broach the subject of our real relationship. As she started to share deeper feelings of rejection and confusion about a current relationship, I felt myself finally step into a different, Truer role. I began to talk with her about divine love and the primacy of her inner self as the great source of love in her life. For a moment, It felt as if the physical world fell away and there was nothing but the consciousness of our shared experience. It seemed as if the universe created a gentle, Protected space for our reintroduction to one another. Within that inner space, I felt a sense of freedom. Within that expanded consciousness, I could briefly share my experience at the county without frightening her and letting her absorb only what she needed at that time. I described the pain of losing the infant named Sarai that I'd try to protect and the astonishing revelation that the child would someday return to me as Sarah. At that moment, I felt a spiritual curtain open for an instant, Revealing the oneness that we shared. I knew this experience was a profound reunion that set the stage for the spiritual work we would share in the future. I was excited and deeply grateful for the opportunity to finally begin a conscious reconnection with Sarah after so many years of watching her and wondering how this would unfold. And then, Just as quickly as it appeared, The scene vanished. I saw Sarah wide-eyed and blinking as if she were coming out of an altered state of consciousness. Well, Yes, She said slowly, I guess I knew we had some kind of special relationship. And we'll have to talk about it more sometime, I said quickly. I felt we had accomplished exactly what was needed for the time being. I knew we were being spiritually guided and this guidance would continue as our relationship deepened and grew over time. I shifted the conversation to my online project. She agreed to help me and we talked excitedly about how the program might be developed. I smiled inwardly as Sarah proudly displayed her expertise in the face of my face of my ignorance in this area. And I marveled at how extraordinary it was to be with her in this way, Like two beloved old friends chatting happily after a long separation. For me, The universe had shifted, Setting a new course for our relationship and the extraordinary prediction I'd been given so long ago. Sarah helped me officially for several years while she was deciding on a specific career path. However, Our real partnership is one of mutual support at a deeply spiritual level as we continue to accept the opportunities for growth created by the inner self. My experience of Sarai's death as an irreversible tragedy for which I could never be forgiven became a powerful opening for me to grow spiritually beyond anything I could ever imagine. A miracle of love has transformed this abused child into a joyous manifestation of redemption, Awakening me to the inner self. Its guidance has taught me that a true champion honors the reality of love and its power to bring the peace and safety of true forgiveness into our lives and into our world. Here's a meditation. As you begin your own journey of awakening to the joy of forgiveness, Close your eyes and take a few breaths. Know that the inner self is behind every breath that you take. See yourself surrounded by a soft pink light and let yourself feel the peace of this embrace. Know that the love that cradles you is limitless and ask the inner self to begin today to show you each day unmistakable evidence of its loving intervention in your life. Then open your eyes and carry this intention confidently into your day.