Emotional Flashbacks: Why They Happen

A short trauma-informed talk about emotional flashbacks — the kind of flashback many people experience without any pictures, scenes, or visual memories attached. Most people think a flashback means the film-reel version: images, a scene replaying, the sense of being back there. But there is another kind. You might be in the kitchen, in a meeting, or reading a text, and suddenly feel small, ashamed, terrified, or certain something is very wrong and that it is your fault. No image. Nothing obvious to point at. Pete Walker named this an emotional flashback, and understanding the term can help explain experiences people often mislabel as overreacting, being too sensitive, or having a bad day. In this talk, Abi Beri explains what emotional flashbacks are, why they can be so confusing, how they relate to complex PTSD, and why dual awareness, orienting, and naming the time gap can help you begin to recognise what is happening.

Transcript

So welcome everyone. And thank you. Thank you for listening. So have you ever been in a conversation? Maybe a small disagreement. Nothing dramatic. And suddenly you felt like a child. You're not thinking clearly, You want to cry or hide or run away. Your chest is tight. A feeling of dread or shame completely out of proportion to what is actually happening. And then maybe an hour later, You come back to yourself and think, What was that? What was that? Why did I react like that? What is wrong with me? So there is a name for what just happened. And it is called an emotional flashback. And once you understand it, Everything changes. So I'm going to explain today what emotional flashbacks are, Why they happen, What you can do when you're in one. Now when most people hear the word flashback, They think of something visual. A war veteran hearing a car backfire and suddenly being transported back to combat. Is someone with PTSD seeing images of the traumatic event. This is a classic flashback and it is real. And it is devastating for people to experience it. But there is another kind of flashback that almost nobody talks about. One without images. One without any obvious memories. One where you don't even realize you're having a flashback. And that's called the emotional flashback. This term comes from Pete Walker, A therapist who wrote extensively about complex trauma. And for many people this concept is life changing because it finally explains what has been happening to them their whole lives. So an emotional flashback is when you get triggered into the emotional state of your childhood without the visual memory. And let me say this again because this is important. An emotional flashback is when you get triggered into the emotional state of your childhood without the visual memory. Something happened in your present, Maybe somebody's tone of voice, A facial expression, A feeling of rejection, A hint of criticism, And suddenly you're not feeling adult emotions about an adult situation. You are feeling emotions of a child you once were. The fear, The helplessness, The shame, The abandonment, All those feelings flood in as if they are happening now. But there's no visual flashback, There's no movie playing in your mind, Just feelings. Why is this confusing? Because you do not realize you are having one. You just think you're having a very intense reaction to something very small. You think you're overreacting? You think you're too sensitive, Too emotional, Too much? But you are not overreacting to the present, You are having an appropriate reaction to the past. You are not overreacting to the present. You are having an appropriate reaction to the past. It is just happening now. Your nervous system does not know the difference between past and present. So when a trigger activates your old pain, Your body responds as if the original threat is happening right now. The same fear, The same helplessness and the same desperate need to survive. You're 40 years old in an adult disagreement, But your nervous system is 5 years old facing your parents' rage. Now let me describe what an emotional flashback might feel like because I think a lot of you will recognize this. Suddenly small, When you feel young, Childlike, Not in control, And your idle self seems to disappear. Then you might have overwhelming emotions. Fear, Shame, Despair, Rage motions that feel too big for the situation. Then there can also be a panic or a dread. A sense that something terrible is about to happen, Even when it is not. Then you might feel helpless. Like you cannot do anything, You cannot cope, You cannot handle this. And then usually when this happens the inner critic goes wild as well. You're stupid, You're worthless, You always mess things up, No one loves you. And then you might be wanting to hide, To flee or to disappear. The urge to run away, To escape or to not exist. Then you might feel abandoned or alone. Even if people are right there, You feel utterly alone with your pain. Sometimes emotional flashbacks bring physical symptoms, Chest tightness, Shallow breathing, Stomach churning or just feeling completely frozen. And then, After some time, It might be minutes, It might be hours, You come back. You return to adult consciousness and then you think, What just happened there? Why did I fall apart over something small? So that might have been an emotional flashback. So you were not reacting to the now, You were reliving then. So why does this happen? Emotional flashbacks usually happen because of unprocessed childhood experiences. So, If you grew up in an environment where you did not feel safe, Where there was neglect, Criticism, Chaos, Unpredictability, Emotional unavailability, Or any kind of abuse, Your nervous system learned to be on high alert. And the painful emotions from that time did not get processed. They did not get witnessed, Held or worked through. They got stored, Frozen in your system. So now when something in the present resembles something from your past, A similar tone, A similar dynamic, A similar feeling, Those frozen emotions come up. They are flooding back and because they were never processed, They feel as intense as they did originally. So, The trigger does not have to be obvious. It might be a subtle shift in someone's expression, A feeling of being dismissed, A moment of not being seen, And things that might seem small, But they match the original wound that you had. I want to be clear about something. This is not your fault. Emotional flashbacks are not a sign of weakness. They are not you being dramatic or oversensitive. They are your nervous system responding to real pain that was never healed. So you're not crazy, You're not broken. You're carrying wounds that need attention. The tricky thing about emotional flashbacks is that you often do not know you are in one. You think you are just upset. So maybe there are some signs to watch out for. First, It's almost always a disproportionate reaction, So your emotional response is much bigger than the situation calls for. You also might feel childlike small and not thinking from your rational conscious adult self. Then there is almost always black and white thinking. Everything is terrible, Everyone is against you and there is no hope. There are the same feelings you've had before, The same despair, The same shame, The same fear, And you recognize them. There's an urge to hide, To leave or to disappear. So if you notice these signs, You might possibly be in an emotional flashback and knowing that is the first step to get out. So what do you do when you realize you are in an emotional flashback? I'm just going to say some things here that might help you. Once you acknowledge it is happening, Once you see it's happening, Name it. You can say it to yourself, I am having an emotional flashback. This is not about now. I am reliving old feelings. And the simple act of naming gives you space. It creates separation. So you are not the flashback, You are observing the flashback, If that makes sense. It might not stop just because you're observing it, But it definitely creates separation. Then remind yourself, I am safe now. The feelings are real but the danger is not. The feelings that you're having are real, But the danger is not. Whatever happened then is not happening now. You are an adult, You have resources and you're safe. While you're feeling unsafe. This is my self-talk. Then I might try to feel my body, If I can in that situation. Something as simple as just bring your attention to your feet. Bring your attention to your hands. Feel the temperature of air. Anything that remotely helps you drop into the body. While that feeling is happening. Try and do that. Anything that brings you back into the present moment, Into your adult body, Out of the childhood state. Then I can speak to this part of me that's in pain. While I am experiencing it. And now that I've named it, Now that I've reminded myself I'm safe, And now that a little bit of my outer consciousness is present, I can speak to that part. I see you. I know you're scared. I am here. You're not alone anymore. And then be very patient. Flashbacks pass. Hours, Seconds, Weeks, Days, But they always pass. So just wait it out with compassion now that you know what might be happening. Once the flashback passes, Be gentle with yourself. You just went through something. Rest. Do not shame yourself. And know that every time you recognize a flashback for what it is, In some ways you're healing it. So if you recognized something from this, If you have been having emotional flashbacks without knowing what they were. Just know this, You're not overreacting, You're not too much and you're not broken. You are someone who experienced pain that was never processed. And those frozen emotions have been trying to get your attention. Not to torment you. But to be healed. And now that you know what is happening, With time you can respond differently. You can meet the flashback with awareness instead of shame. You can comfort the child instead of criticizing them. This is how healing happens. Not all at once, But one flashback at a time. Take care of yourself. And until next time, Namaste. Thank you for listening.