Hello friend,
It's me.
This audio is a bedside meditation.
Maybe less of a meditation and more of just compassion and presence with you at your bedside.
This could be for anyone dealing with and persisting and managing through long COVID,
ME-CFS,
Any kind of chronic illnesses or pain syndromes,
This is for you.
I'm just going to sit here for a little while.
Thought it would be nice to just join you.
Join you during your crash or during your flare.
I know that I have benefited greatly when a friend or loved one has come over when I'm truly in the worst of ways and has sat at the end of my bed or you know,
Takes up a chair nearby.
And just allows for the room to stay dark and conversation minimal.
So that's what I'm here to do.
If there's no room for me at the edge of your bed,
No worries.
I will carve out a little spot for myself here.
And you don't have to do anything.
You don't even have to listen closely.
My hope is that you will listen to me rambling and feel some presence and care and less isolation.
You can let my voice and my words be as far away as you'd like.
Almost like a sound coming from another room.
And we don't have to explain it or go on at length around.
How particularly awful.
The sensations are.
I think we both know intimately how how awful it can feel.
And so I just want you to know I understand if you're really suffering right now.
And I'm just here to hold that with you.
We don't have to make it any different.
So let me think.
What should I talk about?
Nothing in particular.
Small things,
Neutral things,
Insignificant things.
I notice for myself right now.
I'm anchoring into parts of my body that feel really neutral.
Locating.
.
.
Areas of my body that don't have any strong sensation at the moment and maybe that will be really hard for you to locate.
But if there is something,
There is an area for you,
Maybe just noticing that and acknowledging it.
For me,
It is the palm of my hands.
They feel pretty neutral right now.
My ankles,
Not a lot of loud communication coming from my ankles right now,
Fortunately.
Might be quite different for you though.
Staying into.
Neutral sensation.
And if there is no neutral sensation for you right now.
Maybe anchoring into.
.
.
Other sensations that feel safe and available to you right now.
Maybe it's touching something soft,
Like your pillow.
Or a blanket.
And just noticing that contact.
Small and quiet things.
Soft things.
The way that you'd let your eyes go soft and unfocused.
Is how I want you to think about your surroundings.
You can imagine a hand.
Maybe a hand resting very lightly on your shoulder.
Noticing something soft underneath you.
Noticing where the air touches your skin.
And my voice is here too.
With no particular words to follow,
Just a low sound,
Low presence moving through the room.
You can just let it blur.
A hand.
A shoulder.
Something soft.
The air.
My voice.
Your room.
None of these things are asking anything of you.
Not the room,
Not me.
Nothing I named needs anything from you.
You can stay right where you are.
That's feeling heavy or half asleep.
Or somewhere in between.
There's nowhere that this needs to go.
And maybe there's a weight somewhere.
Not a heavy weight necessarily,
Just a small one.
A blanket or a hand.
Or nothing at all,
Just the idea of weight and resting.
And happiness.
Surrender.
And maybe there's a warmth somewhere.
Small.
Tender warmth.
Nothing that's asking to be found.
But maybe it's there.
Maybe there's warmth with you now.
Maybe there's a coolness somewhere else.
Maybe the two can exist at the same time.
You might notice a color behind your eyes.
If your eyes are closed,
Maybe even if they're open somewhat.
It doesn't have to be a color that you chose.
Whatever's there and whatever is showing up is fine.
Maybe that color shifts.
Maybe it stays the same.
It doesn't matter either way.
Maybe there's a sound far off in the distance.
A car.
A fridge humming somewhere in your home.
Neither of these things are.
Not for you to do anything with.
It's just moving through the room the way sound does.
The way it always has.
Whether you're listening or not.
Is predictable,
Comfortable.
Consistent things.
A hand.
The shoulder.
Something soft.
The air.
A small weight.
A small warmth.
Think cool.
Color behind your eyes.
A sound far off in the distance.
Just things existing.
Near you.
Around you.
Around us.
While you rest.
Maybe your breath is somewhere in there too.
Not something to change.
Not something to deepen.
Something that's already happening on its own.
The way it needs to be happening at this time.
Without you doing anything to make it so.
However it already is.
Already happening.
A hand.
The shoulder.
Something soft.
The air,
Cool and warm.
A small way.
Small worm.
Color.
A new sound,
Far off.
And your breath.
Already happening.
We don't have to hold on to any of it.
I'll just keep noticing and naming small,
Quiet,
Neutral things.
You can continue to drift in and out of hearing them.
As though an old radio is playing a couple rooms away.
A hand resting.
Shoulder resting.
Something soft beneath you.
The air wherever it touches.
A small way.
An even smaller warmth.
A cool color behind your closed eyes.
Your breath somewhere far off.
A sound.
I'll just be here.
With you.
In the room.
And you can stay right where you are.
Heavy,
Half asleep.
Persisting.
Somewhere in between.
You can keep drifting.
Maybe you notice less and less sound until it's just you and me.
And the room.
And however you are.
However you are with your breath.
How you are with the sounds far off.
A new color behind your eyelids.
A small and persistent warmth.
A small way.
An even smaller air.
A soft shoulder.
An even softer hand.
I'm here.
Take good care of you.
