What Do I Actually Want? A Guided Journaling Practice

Do you know what you should want but struggle to remember what you actually want? Not what makes sense. Not what would make everyone comfortable. But what your heart has been quietly pulling you toward in this season of your life. Part of the Mandala Card of the Day Guided Journaling Practice series, this 15-minute session draws on Martha Beck's distinction between the social self and the essential self. The social self knows how to want the right things. The sensible things. The things that make other people nod and say, "That makes sense." But the essential self speaks in longing, in the quiet pull toward something that feels unmistakably right when you get still enough to notice it. Today's practice creates that stillness. Not to have all the answers. But to ask the question honestly and listen for what comes. Because what you want is not a distraction from your life. It is the direction of it. Background music by Music of Wisdom. Have your journal nearby.

Transcript

Welcome. Thank you for being here and for choosing to make yourself a priority today. This is your Mandala Card of the Day. A gentle pause to breathe. Reflect, And explore. Before we begin, I invite you to have a journal or blank page nearby, Along with a pen. This session includes time for journaling. For now, Allow yourself to settle in. There's nothing to fix, Nothing to figure out. Just this moment and this breath. This is your invitation to be fully here now in this moment. I invite you to close your eyes if that feels comfortable. Allow your shoulders to soften. Let your hands rest wherever they feel at ease. Take a slow breath in through your nose. And a gentle exhale out through your mouth. Again, Inhale slowly. And exhale fully. With each inhale. Breathe in openness. Curiosity, And permission. With each exhale. Release the noise of what you should want, What others expect. And what you've been telling yourself is not allowed. One more time, Breathing in steady and calm. And breathing out. Long and soft. Letting go of the expectations of self and others. Now allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm. Notice the quiet space you've created Notice that you are here, Present, Fully aware, Supported and allowed to want things. Allow to connect with your desire. The theme for today is a question. A simple question and one of the hardest questions that we can ask ourselves honestly. What do I actually want? Not what should I want, Not what makes sense given my circumstances. Not what would make everyone else comfortable or impressed or reassured. But what do I actually want? Genuinely for this season of my life. Martha Back, One of the most widely read voices on authentic living and personal reinvention, Describes what she calls is the difference between your social self and your essential self. Your social self is the part of you that has learned very early what was expected, What was acceptable, And what needed to be hidden or managed in order to belong. Your social self knows how to watch the right things, The sensible things, The things that make other people nod and say, Yes, That makes sense for you. Things that are comfortable. But your essential self. The deeper, More instinctive part of you. May want something else entirely. Or it may want the same things but for completely different reasons. What is it that you've been wanting for a very long time? That your social self has been overruling because it did not seem practical or reasonable or appropriately modest. Beck says that the essential self does not speak in logic. It speaks in longing. It is about desire. It is the quiet pull towards something that makes no sense on paper. But feels unmistakably right. When you let yourself get still enough to notice it. The problem is that most of us have become so fluent in the language of the things that we should be doing. That we've forgotten how to hear the quieter voice underneath it. We've been asked so many times, What do you do? What do you need? What do others need from you? That we've stopped asking. We've not been asking ourselves, What do I truly want? I noticed this in my own life. What I want shifts as I age and grow. The things I wanted at 30. Feel less essential now. And the things I barely allowed myself to consider. Are becoming more insistent, More real, More mine. What I've learned is the question itself is worth sitting with regularly, Not just at crossroads or milestones or transitions. But as a practice, A returning practice. A checking in with a part of yourself. That knows something deep and real. Today, That is your practice. Not to have the answer, Not to have a plan. But to simply ask the question honestly. And to listen for what comes. Because what you want matters. Not just as a nice idea. But as a compass, As information about who you are and what in the season of your life makes sense. What is it you're moving towards? What is it that calls to you? Beck writes that when we ignore our essential self's desires for long enough, It finds other ways to get our attention. Through restlessness, Through a vague sense of something is missing, Through a quiet but persistent feeling that life is somehow passing by. If any of that feels familiar. Today's question is for you. What do you actually want? Take a moment now. And bring your awareness back to your breath. Inhale slowly. And exhale gently. I invite you to gently place one hand over your heart. Feel the warmth of your own touch. Feel your heartbeat beneath your palms. As you take a deep, Slow breath in. I want you to ask yourself. Not from your head, But from this heart place. What is it I need at this time? What does my heart know that I've not been listening to? Just let whatever comes up. Be there without judgment, Without analysis. Simply receive it as a gift. It is time now to carry that awareness onto the page. I invite you to turn inward and explore this theme more deeply through journaling. Your journal prompt today. Is what do I actually want in this season of my life? And then go a little deeper. What have I been wanting that I was always afraid to admit, Even to myself? Let yourself write freely, Without editing, Without judgment. This page belongs entirely to you. And what you want deserves to be written down. You have several minutes to write now. It is time to gently bring your journaling to a close. Take a slow breath in. And a full breath out. I'll share an affirmation. You can repeat it silently or out loud. Letting the words settle within you. I am allowed to want things. I'm allowed to want things. What I want is worth knowing and worth honoring. What I want is worth knowing and worth honoring. I listen to the quiet voice within me that knows what this season of my life is asking me toward. I listen to the quiet voice within me. That knows what the season of my life is. Is asking me towards. I am open to allowing what I want into my life now. I am open to allowing what I want into my life now. Take one more breath. Feeling more honest, More connected. More open. Thank you for giving yourself this time today. Each time you return to this practice, You're strengthening something essential. Your relationship with your own desires. Your willingness to ask the question honestly. And your growing trust that what you want is not a distraction from your life. It is the direction of it. It is your compass. If today's practice resonated with you, I'd love to invite you to go deeper. I have a 10-day audio journaling course called Return to Joy. A guided experience that combines science-backed reflection, EFT tapping and journaling. To help you reconnect with what matters most and move forward with lightness, Clarity and joy. And if you'd like to continue this daily practice with me. Please follow me here on Insight Timer. So you never miss a new session. Until then, Ask yourself the question again today, Not once, But whenever you have a quiet moment, What do I actually want? And listen. Really listen. Because the answer is already there.