So today I want to talk about detachment,
The easiest boundary you'll ever set.
So the first thing I want to do is talk about what detachment is.
It's basically when you let go of people,
Situations,
And things that are outside of your control.
So when it's in a relationship,
You let somebody else do their life.
You don't give advice,
Interfere,
Try to fix their situation.
You let them figure it out.
That's what detachment is.
It's basically stepping back and removing yourself so that the other person or the other situation is going to unfold the way it's meant to.
What I like about detachment is that this is super easy.
You don't have to say a word.
So for instance,
Say you're in a social situation and something uncomfortable is happening.
Somebody's starting to scream and yell.
It's not feeling safe or maybe someone around you is doing something that is not okay with you and the temptation is to try to get them to stop.
Now,
You can certainly do that,
That would be more of a request,
But the detachment is easier.
That's when you decide to remove yourself from that situation so that you can protect yourself.
Because detaching,
You can do without saying a word.
Because what detachment does is it creates physical and emotional space so that you can keep yourself safe and you're not controlled by the other person's behavior.
Because let's face it,
We can't control somebody else's behavior anyway.
So that's why detachment can be the easiest way for you to take care of yourself.
So I also want to give you some really simple examples of detachment.
One of them is refrain from giving advice.
Most of the time people aren't asking for that.
That means if somebody is having a hard time,
You can validate,
You can say,
Yeah,
That must be so hard,
I'm here for you,
Whatever you need,
But you don't have to step in and fix it and offer advice because often that's overstepping and people don't appreciate that.
Another example of detachment is simply leaving the room.
This one I love,
Especially if you're in an argument,
Say with your partner,
And you realize it's not going well,
It's actually escalating,
Just leaving the room and letting them know you know what this isn't working for me and you leave because so many people stay in an argument way past its expiration date and I don't want that for you.
Another way to use detachment is to not over commit.
So let's say you're at church and somebody says we need volunteers for this Sunday and you always volunteer and you really don't want to.
So detachment means you don't raise your hand,
You stay silent,
You let somebody else volunteer.
Because sometimes detachment is really about taking better care of you by not volunteering when you don't have the physical or emotional energy to do so.
Now another really quick way to think of detachment is there's an Al-Anon saying,
You didn't cause it,
You can't control it,
And you can't cure it.
So when you think of your loved one and something you wish were different,
Because that's where we get into trouble,
I want you to remember that.
If somebody you love is doing behaviors that you don't feel comfortable with or you're embarrassed about,
That's not your responsibility to fix.
Even small kids.
I don't know about you,
But I've never been able to stop a three-year-old from having a tantrum.
And most likely you can agree that we can't control somebody else's behavior.
And that's why detachment is so helpful.
Because it's going to remove you from taking responsibility for something that isn't yours.
Another reason I really like detachment is that it can be easier than setting a boundary.
Because setting a boundary requires knowing what your boundary is and communicating that effectively and following through.
That can be a tall order if you haven't done it before.
So detachment is that silent boundary that you can use anytime you need to remove yourself.
And that's why I love it so much.
So I hope you've enjoyed this video.
Thanks so much for watching.
