7 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship Vs. A Healthy One

In this track, you will learn how to identify a toxic relationship by understanding these 7 signs of a toxic relationship. Plus, learn the healthy behavior for each toxic behavior. Healing a toxic relationship isn't always possible, but if they are accountable and willing to seek help, that's a good sign. Learn here with me!

Transcript

So if you're wondering whether or not you're in a toxic relationship, This is for you because I'm going to be sharing seven signs of a toxic relationship and what's healthy behavior that you need to shoot for. So the first sign of a toxic relationship is that your feelings don't matter to the other person. When you get upset, When you're stressed out, Instead of them showing support and love and a little bit of patience, They are annoyed or they might blame you for being too sensitive. Instead, They feel threatened by them and they see them as a bother, But in a healthy relationship, Your feelings matter and they actually produce positive change, Which means that your partner does something about it. They offer to listen or show support or ask you what you need. That's a sign of a healthy relationship. The next sign of a toxic relationship is that the relationship revolves around one person's needs. This is very common in a narcissistic relationship or an alcoholic relationship. So with the narcissist, They demand a lot of attention and they can't tolerate somebody else having needs because they have no empathy. So the whole relationship with a narcissist revolves around what they want, Not what you want. It's similar in an alcoholic relationship where the addiction becomes the primary focus of the relationship. So the person who is married or in relationship to the addict doesn't get their needs met because the chaos of the addiction is what drives the relationship. In a healthy relationship, Both people's needs are respected and honored. It's understood that each person is going to go through periods of ups and downs and it's really okay. It's okay to need in your relationship and ask for support and do what you need to do to take care of yourself. The next sign of a toxic relationship is that you experience frequent gaslighting in your relationship and gaslighting is a toxic behavior where your perceptions and your reality are constantly being questioned and challenged. So what happens is this really erodes your ability to trust yourself and your own perceptions. But in a toxic relationship, That other person wants to convince you that your reality is wrong and their reality is right, Because that's an attempt to control you and to make you start to be more dependent on them. And the crazy-making part is that they'll use what you say and what you do against you, Which is why this is really hard not to buy into, Because you might say to yourself, Well, I did do that or I did say that, So this must be true. Toxic partner wants that control over you and so they purposely use gaslighting so that you doubt yourself. Over time, This behavior creates a lot of low self-esteem and really affects our well-being mentally because being in a relationship when you're constantly gaslit contributes to depression, Low self-esteem, Anxiety, Lots of issues. But in a healthy relationship, Each person can have their own point of view without threatening the other person. Really okay to disagree and it's okay to have different perceptions of the same event. That's a really good sign in a healthy relationship. Now, If you're relating to these behaviors, Say yes in the comments because you're not alone. So the next sign of a toxic relationship is that your partner tries to limit your time spent with family and friends because in toxic relationships, That's how they gain control over you is by socially isolating you and sometimes they can be really creative in how they do this by saying that they you and they really want you to spend most of your time with them or they might leave you a guilt trip if you say you're going to be going to see your family and they make you feel guilty for not spending all your time with them and that's a toxic behavior that's going to really erode your well-being because we all need support but in toxic relationships, Support and outside interests are threatening. They don't want to share you with anyone else because they want that control over you and if they can isolate you, They can maintain that control. But in a healthy relationship, Your outside friendships and interests are completely supported. And ideally, Both people have their own form of support, Not just each other, Because that can lead to a really unhealthy toxic dependency. The next sign of a toxic behavior is that there's a pattern of blame and shame that gets worse over time. So when there's a problem, When something isn't going well in the relationship, You're blamed. Tells you that it's all your fault. And if only you were different, If only you were prettier, Smarter, Make more money, The relationship would be okay. And that's not true. If you express a difference of opinion, They will shame you because they don't want you to have a difference of opinion. They want to make sure that you take full responsibility for the relationship because that's what blame and shame does is it puts us in a box of taking more and more responsibility for the relationship because the other person is refusing to own their part. The toxic person avoids accountability because they want to make sure that as long as they convince you that you're the problem, They don't have to look at themselves, Which is a really toxic behavior. But in a healthy relationship, Both people are willing to look at their own part in how they contribute to the relationship. The next sign of a toxic relationship is that your partner doesn't feel empathy when you're hurting. So when you're going through something, When you have a crisis or when you're really sad, They can't tolerate it. They might be annoyed. They might leave the room. They might squash your feelings and say you shouldn't feel that way. When somebody doesn't feel empathy, That is a major red flag. That means that they can only really feel for themselves. They can't feel for anyone else. And this is a narcissistic behavior that is a major red flag. So being able to identify if that person doesn't have empathy towards you is going to be really important. They're going to actually be impatient and the toxic person wants things to go their way and they think your feelings or your crisis is not important. So you don't get the support you need. But in healthy relationships, Your partner cares when you go through a difficult time and they actually want to be there for you. They ask, What can I do? They support you seeking therapy if it's needed. They want you to feel better because they care about you, Not just about themselves. Relationship is that there is continuous abuse whether that's mental, Emotional, Physical, Or sexual because when there's abuse it's always toxic and what you need to recognize is the cycle of abuse and it's the same for any type of abuse. It starts with the tension building phase where your partner becomes more and more tense but the problem is is that they don't know how to deal with that tension. They don't have any tools. They don't recognize that they're getting increasingly upset so it leads to the abusive incident because that tension building stage gets really really high until they finally explode into some form of abuse and right after that is the honeymoon period where they're gonna send you flowers, They're gonna say I'm sorry and that they will never do it again, You might be having great makeup sex, They might be looking like they're accountable but it's not followed up with any change or real steps to handle the problem because in a healthy relationship If there's any form of abuse, The partner immediately feels regretful and they seek to get help immediately. You don't have to convince them. If you have to convince somebody to get help for abusing you, That's not a good sign. That tells you that they don't think they're doing anything wrong and that their behavior is justified. So in a healthy relationship, There is no abuse. And again, If there is an abusive incident, They immediately will get help. You are repeatedly told that you need to change in order for your partner to be happy, Which is totally unrealistic and toxic because it's really a very toxic game of tag, You're it. And the problem is, Is coupled with gaslighting, You're always going to feel responsible for the other person's happiness. In a toxic relationship, Your partner expects you to make them happy, Which gives them more license to pick on your behaviors. So you're constantly trying to change and fix yourself when they're sitting back and saying, No, You just need to do more. You need to lose more weight. You need to make more money. You need to be kinder to me. You need to give me more sex. All of those things make you the problem. But in healthy relationships, Both people understand that they're responsible for their own happiness. You cannot make the other person happy. And in an intimate relationship, It's impossible to expect your partner to be the entire source of your happiness. Thanks so much.