How do I know if I have anger issues?
Well,
That's what we're gonna find out today.
My name's Michelle Ferris.
I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist,
And I'm so glad you're here.
So the first sign if you have an anger issue is that someone in your life has brought it to your attention,
And they've expressed concern about how you're reacting to things.
This could be your partner,
A family member,
A friend.
Somebody is alerting you that anger is a problem.
Because part of what happens is we don't see it for ourselves.
Our family members see it a lot sooner than we do.
And what happens is they end up starting to walk on eggshells because they feel like they can't say anything to us anymore for fear of us reacting.
So when this is happening,
It's really hard for our family and friends to trust that they can talk to us about things.
And when they start to clam up,
That creates a lot of problems.
And you probably noticed that your family and friends aren't bringing more sensitive information to you because they're afraid you're gonna react.
Now,
The one thing I'm gonna say about handling anger and realizing that you may have an issue,
You're not alone.
So many people have anger issues.
And it's not just the person who rages.
It's the person who stuffs their anger.
It's the person who doesn't know how to handle their emotions because maybe they're too intense.
Because let's face it,
Very few of us actually got taught how to do this.
So one thing I'd like you to do is write in the comments,
How do you know that you have an issue with anger?
I'd like to know and then I'll for sure respond to the comments.
All right,
So the second issue that tells you you have an anger issue is that you're probably reacting to things,
Little things,
And you don't even know why.
So this looks like a low level of irritability,
Or maybe you're easily annoyed by people.
This can be something where it's a sign of unmanaged stress,
But it can also really hurt our relationships because we end up snapping at people and not meaning to.
But it's really important to notice what that low level of irritability is,
That is a sign of anger.
And a lot of people don't necessarily equate the two because they think,
Oh,
I'm just having a bad day,
Or oh,
I'm really stressed.
And while that's true,
It may be coming out in anger.
Now the third one is instead of admitting how you're feeling when you're upset,
When you're angry,
You tend to stuff it.
You swallow your feelings instead.
And that's a real sign because most of us,
When we think of doing that,
You know,
I know a lot of times when I did it,
I did it because I didn't want a conflict with somebody.
I was a people pleaser and I really,
Really didn't want to cause a problem.
So I decided I'm just going to stuff my feelings instead.
But the problem is,
Is that they always leaked out later.
And that's the danger with stuffing our feelings.
It may look healthier on the outside because we're not raging,
But inside we're paying a price because you're probably feeling anxious,
Overwhelmed.
There's a lot going on in your body because when we stuff our feelings,
That doesn't mean they go away.
That just means they haven't been dealt with yet.
So part of what happens when we stuff our feelings is that they leak out in ways that we don't really intend,
Like sarcasm or an indirect comment that sometimes flies out of our mouth and you don't even mean to say it,
But you realize,
Oh my gosh,
I'm really upset.
And part of that happens because you may have been holding on to an old hurt for a while,
And then when something sparks it,
You just decide to pounce on that moment to say something that maybe you don't really mean to take back.
But that's how these comments leak out.
Because stuffing our feelings will always bite us in the long run.
Because that's how unhealthy anger gets started.
Is we stuff it and then it's gonna come out later.
And it really ends up hurting our relationships.
And thanks so much for watching.
Bye bye.
