10 Signs You Came From A Dysfunctional Family

In here, you will learn ten signs that you came from a dysfunctional family to help you know where to focus your healing. The effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family are extensive which is why I'm sharing them so you can be aware of the signs of a dysfunctional family. Learn with me!

Transcript

I'm going to be sharing 10 signs growing up in a dysfunctional family still is impacting you today, Especially in your intimate relationships. So in dysfunctional families, There are certain themes. You may have grown up with a family member who was addicted, Had anger problems. Maybe they had some mental health issues of their own, Like being depressed or anxious or some other psychological disorder that really impacted their parenting. Maybe they grew up with abuse themselves and they just learned to continue it in their own parenting because they didn't know any better. All of these factors really impact how we get parented. So let's get started. The first trait when you grow up in a dysfunctional family is that the family revolves around the adult's needs, Not the child's needs. So your needs get downgraded. Because let's face it, In healthy parenting, It takes a lot to parent kids. It takes a lot of emotional energy. And in dysfunctional homes, The parents don't have that energy. They're way too consumed with their own issues to really know how to effectively parent children. And let's face it, Back in the 70s and early 80s, See you next year. There weren't a lot of great parenting books around or education. So as adults, You learn to discount your own needs in order to stay safe. Another sign is that your feelings are not honored and not considered important. Because in dysfunctional families, Parents don't know how to tolerate emotions. They don't even know how to tolerate their own, Let alone their child's. And it takes a lot of energy and skill to be able to sit with a tantruming child, Right? And the problem is, Is that a lot of us heard things like, Be quiet, Kids should be seen and not heard, Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about. All of those things really impact us in adulthood because as adults, We learn not to trust and value our own feelings. So the next one is your ability to take care of yourself is minimal at best because in dysfunctional families, Self-care is often seen as selfish or indulgent. A child is often taught to take care of other people and neglect themselves. So what happens is the roles get reversed and you end up becoming the parent to your parent and your parent does all the taking and not a lot of giving. And as a result, You don't really get your needs met. So as adults, End up feeling really anxious because you don't know what you want or need. Another sign is that you develop addictions in order to cope with the pain or the abuse. And one really common addiction growing up in dysfunctional families is food addiction because kids get access to food early and sugar and other fatty substances are a way for kids to self-soothe. So often people in dysfunctional families develop addictions in four or five, Six years old, Because food was comforting to them. Or maybe you started experimenting with alcohol and drugs as early as 10 or 11. And as adults, Those addictions create a life of chaos and unmanageability, Which is really not an easy way to live. The next sign that you grew up in a dysfunctional family was that there was very little praise given to you, Especially if you accomplished something special. I know for me, I was in grammar school and I remember getting an art award, One of three in the whole school. And I didn't think I was an artist at all, Honestly, But it wasn't really a big deal or celebrated in my home. So one of the things I learned from that is not to stand out because if I do do something special, Nobody really says anything. So as adults, You don't learn to develop your own talents because you think you don't have any. Now, Another thing that happens when you grow up in a dysfunctional family is that you learn unhealthy ways of getting attention. Because as kids in healthy families, You get attention simply by being you. In dysfunctional families, The attention is scarce and it's often negative. And what a child does is if they don't have any connection or they don't have any ways of getting attention, They're going to seek negative forms of it. Not because they're bad, But because you need that connection in order to survive. So maybe you acted out or you developed anger problems, Or you tried to be perfect and never made a mistake, Or you tried to shove all your negative feelings down so that you didn't cause a problem or you weren't a burden to your parents. But as adults, You don't know how to receive attention correctly. In fact, It's really uncomfortable. Now, The next sign is you find trusting people really difficult or you trust too easily. Now, In my case, Growing up in my dysfunctional family, I trusted too easily. I was very starved emotionally, So I was constantly looking to someone else for my answers. The problem is, Is when we do that, We're not good pickers. We tend to just blindly pick people. Now on the other side of the scale, You may have grown up not trusting anyone and find that you wanted to avoid intimate relationships because it was just too scary for you. So as adults, Relationships feel unsafe. Another sign of growing up in a dysfunctional family is that you developed codependent behavior. In order to be loved. So this happens especially when you learn as a child that you had to take care of other people first and put yourself last. Maybe you had to parent your siblings or you had to do all the housework or you had to be in a little adult and not have any needs. All of those things contribute to codependency along with a lack of self-trust because if your feelings weren't validated and you learn not to trust yourself and you learned how to put yourself last, Those are seeds of codependency. So you learn to take care of others and neglect yourself. So as adults, Your relationships don't feel very authentic because you don't bring yourself into your relationships. It's too scary to be honest. The next sign that you grew up in a dysfunctional family is that you'd rather stay in a toxic relationship than being alone because the fear of abandonment runs really deep in dysfunctional homes because it's really scary for a kid to be alone and to recreate that pain in their adulthood. So most dysfunctional kids will do absolutely anything to avoid being alone and by the time you're in adulthood you make sure you're always in a relationship or you make sure that you're always attached to somebody. The problem is as adults you stay in toxic relationships because it's better than nothing. So the next trait that you grew up in a dysfunctional family is that your self-esteem is really low because you never got valued by your parents. So in dysfunctional families maybe you never heard your parents say, I love you, Or there was very little attention or praise given. So you grew up thinking that you weren't deserving of that. You weren't deserving of love or praise. So you learn not to recognize that love in your adult relationships. In fact, You draw to you toxic relationships and chase that love and that approval because you never got it as kids. So if you notice in these 10 traits, They do also mimic codependent behaviors. Thanks so much.