Hello,
And thank you so much for joining me today.
I'm Mark Rowland.
And just Let's start off by finding a position that feels comfortable for you today.
You might be sitting.
Lying down or.
.
.
Simply allowing yourself to become.
Little more settled wherever you happen to be.
And when you're ready.
Gently,
Allow your eyes to close.
Or if you prefer,
Soften your gaze if you'd rather keep them open and take a slow breath in.
Letting it go without trying to change anything.
Today,
We are exploring something called radical acceptance.
The word acceptance can sometimes sound as though we are being asked to approve of everything that happens.
To say that something was okay to stop caring.
Or,
Even worse,
To simply put up with circumstances that are painful or terribly unfair.
But radical acceptance does not ask any of that from you.
It simply begins with recognizing reality as it is,
In this moment.
There are things in life we can change.
There are choices we can make,
Conversations we can have.
Boundaries we can put in place,
And actions we can take.
But there are also moments when something has already happened,
Something has already been said.
That situation already exists.
Or perhaps,
For now,
Something is simply outside of our control.
And sometimes the mind continues fighting with that reality.
Thinking this shouldn't be happening.
They shouldn't have done that.
I shouldn't be feeling this way.
Things were supposed to be so different.
And those thoughts are understandable.
But when reality has already arrived.
.
.
Arguing with it inside ourselves can create another layer of suffering on top of whatever is already difficult.
So,
For this practice.
I'd like you to bring to mind one thing in your life that you may have been resisting at the moment.
Choose something that feels manageable for you today.
It doesn't need to be the most painful thing you have ever experienced.
Perhaps there is a situation you just wish were different.
Something that is beyond your control.
A decision someone else has made or a change that you just didn't choose,
Or simply something you keep thinking really shouldn't be the way it is.
Just allow one thing to come to mind.
You don't need to analyze it,
Just notice what happens as you bring it into awareness.
You may notice thoughts immediately appearing,
Judgements,
Questions.
Imagined conversations or different versions of how things could have happened.
You might notice your mind returning again to the phrases like,
Why did this happen?
Why won't this change?
Why can't things just be different?
But for now.
Just notice.
Then bring some attention into your body.
Where do you feel that resistance?
Maybe there is a tightness across the chest.
A heaviness in the stomach.
Perhaps tension around the jaw,
A feeling of pressure behind the eyes,
Or perhaps a there isn't one obvious physical sensation at all for you.
There is nothing you need to find.
Simply notice how your body responds when you think about this situation.
Take another easy breath.
And as you breathe out.
See whether you can allow the body to release just a tiny bit of the effort it is using to fight this moment.
Not the situation itself,
Just the physical effort of resisting it.
And now,
Quietly say to yourself.
This is what is here,
Right now.
You don't have to like those words.
You don't even have to feel ready to accept them completely.
Just notice what happens when you say,
This is what is here right now.
Perhaps you'll find part of you immediately says,
But I don't want this.
And if that happens,
That,
Too,
Can be acknowledged.
Of course,
You may not want it.
Radical acceptance is not asking you to want something painful.
It is simply asking whether.
For a moment.
You can recognise.
That what has already happened is real.
Has happened.
What is here is here.
And what you feel is what you feel.
You might quietly say.
I may not like this.
I may wish it were different.
And this is still the reality of this moment.
Notice whether there is even the smallest shift when you stop asking reality to be different for a few seconds.
Maybe nothing changes and maybe the emotion is still there.
Perhaps sadness is still sadness.
Anger is still anger.
Disappointment is still disappointment.
Acceptance does not need to remove any of those feelings.
You are simply allowing yourself to stop fighting the fact that they are here.
And now,
Gently ask yourself.
Can I stop arguing with this moment just for now?
Not forever,
Not for the rest of your life,
Just for this moment.
Perhaps the answer is yes.
Perhaps the answer is only a little.
Or maybe you notice that part of you is still strongly resisting.
Whatever you notice,
Let that be a part of the practice too.
You do not need to force acceptance.
Because forcing yourself to accept something only becomes another form of struggle.
Instead,
You might simply acknowledge.
This is really difficult for me to accept.
And even that is a form of honesty.
Take another slow breath in… and let it go.
Imagine loosening your grip around the way things were supposed to be.
Not because those hopes were in any way wrong.
Not because you should stop caring but because this moment has already arrived and meeting it as it is gives you somewhere real and solid to stand.
From here,
You can still make choices.
Acceptance.
Does not in any way mean passivity.
You can accept that something has happened and still decide what needs to happen next.
Can accept someone's behavior.
And still create a boundary for yourself.
You can accept.
That you are struggling and still ask for support.
You can accept uncertainty.
And still take the next sensible action available to you.
You see,
Acceptance simply allows your next step to begin from reality,
Rather than from the wish that reality were already different.
Bring your attention back to the situation that you chose at the beginning.
And just see whether you can hold it now,
With just a little less tension.
You might quietly say,
This is where things are right now.
I do not have to approve of it.
I do not have to pretend it does not hurt.
But I can meet what is here.
And notice what happens in your body.
As you allow those words to settle.
Maybe there is a little more space.
Maybe there is still resistance.
Either one is okay.
Radical acceptance is not usually one dramatic moment where everything suddenly magically feels peaceful.
Often it is something we return to again and again.
Each time the mind begins arguing with what has already happened,
Then we gently come back This happened.
This is here.
This is what I'm feeling.
And it's from this place.
I can decide how I want to respond.
Now begin to let the situation move slightly into the background.
Bring your attention back toward your breathing.
Noticing the simple movement of breath coming in and breath moving out.
Feeling the support that is beneath your body.
Noticing the room around you.
Any sound you can hear.
The temperature of the air against your skin.
And as you return,
Remember that acceptance does not require you to feel peaceful about everything.
Sometimes,
It's simply no longer asking this moment to be something it is not.
And from there perhaps there is a little more room to breathe,
A little more room to think clearly.
And a little more freedom to choose what comes next.
Take one final slow breath in.
And breathe out gently.
And whenever you're ready.
Allow your eyes to open.
Returning to the space around you and carrying with you the reminder that you can meet reality as it is,
One moment at a time.
Thank you so much for practicing with me today.
Have a beautiful rest of your day.
Go in peace.
Namaste.
