Lights On

Close your eyes, and it isn't dark in there. Something keeps the lights on, a voice, running. Narrating, planning, and going back over the conversation you already had. Filling every silence before the silence can open. This is a practice for the mind that won't go still — for the part of you that talks over the quiet so it doesn't have to sit in the not-knowing. You won't be asked to shut the voice off. You'll go in behind it, to where it's already dark and already silent, and let the noise run down. What you find there isn't something you reach for. It's what the noise was covering all along. There's a long silence at the center. It isn't a break in the practice. It is the practice. Guided, about 16 minutes. Find somewhere you won't be disturbed, and let the quiet run longer than is comfortable. One question, when you get there: what would be here, if you went quiet?

Transcript

Close your eyes. And notice. It isn't dark in there. Something keeps the lights on. It's been doing it as long as you can remember. Showing you things telling you things. Running the next hour. The old conversation. The list. Even now. Leave it here. A voice that started before you sat down and hasn't stopped to take a breath. Don't try to shut it off. Just notice it's running and notice it's been running so steadily, You'd have forgotten it was a sound at all. And not simply the way things are. Breathe in. And let the breath out slowly Let it carry a little of the noise with it Again, Slower. You don't have to make it stop. Leave it running. Coming behind it. Behind all the light. Behind the showing and the telling. It's already dark. It always has been. The lights or something you keep running on top of it. Go in behind them. Just let go of the surface. And you sink past it. The way you sink towards sleep when you finally quit working at it. It's dark in here. Not the frightening kind. Kind your eyes can't fix. I keep reaching for an edge A sheep. Anything. And there isn't one. There's nothing here to see. And the voice came in with you. Of course it did. With nothing to see, It gets louder. Fills the space. It names the dark tells you what might be in it. Makes a story so you won't have to be somewhere with no story. Just hear it now for what it is. A sound. Your sound. The one you make so it won't be silent. Us in past it for a moment. Underneath the talking. The dark is silent. It isn't waiting for anything. Nothing in it is about to happen. It's silent completely and without effort. The only thing making noise in this whole dark place is you. Grew up in Philly yet. Not because there is anything to say. Because silence in the dark. With nothing to see. That's the one place the voice can't stand to be. So it talks. Over the top of it. The whole time. One thing to ask. And then you stop. What would be here if you went quiet? Let the voice run down now. Like something unwound. And don't wind it again. You are still here The dark didn't do anything. It only let you stop. And the quiet is here. Actually here. Not the gap before the next thing. Not a space waiting to be filled. Just the quiet The thing all that talking was laid over the top of. Don't let the lights go out now. All the way. The dark is not against you. It isn't empty in here. You can tell now. You couldn't over the noise. The quiet was never empty. The talking only made it sound that way. So you would keep it up. So don't reach into it. Reaching is only the noise again, Wearing a quieter coat. Stay where you are and let it come up on its own. The first true thing. The one you've been talking over. You don't have to like it or do anything with it. You only have to stop talking long enough to hear it. In a little while, You'll come back up. Into the light you keep running. Not yet. When you do, The voice will start again. That's alright. Let it be. But you have been under it now. You have heard the quiet it covers. You don't carry an answer back up. Carry the first true thing. You can leave it uncovered now. The room has its own small sounds. The ones that were there the whole time while you were gone. Let them come back to you. That is noise. As the world still here. When you want to open your eyes. You found the way in. You'll know where the quiet is now. Hold the quiet. Let it stay a while before anything else.