Why You Overthink And How To Begin Letting Go

If you've ever wished your mind would just slow down, this talk is for you.

Overthinking is often misunderstood. Rather than being the problem itself, it can be a clue that something deeper is asking for your attention.

In this gentle introduction, we'll explore why overthinking develops, the protective role it can play, and how understanding what's happening beneath the surface can begin to loosen its grip.

Instead of fighting your thoughts, you'll be invited to meet them with curiosity, helping you understand yourself more deeply and opening the door to greater calm, clarity and emotional freedom.

Transcript

Your mind is worrying. You can't stop the thoughts going around in your head. You're fearing a negative outcome and imagining the worst. Maybe you've sent a message to someone and you didn't hear back. You're comfortable with what you sent, But now you're starting to get the cold sweats. You're rereading it over and over again and analysing every word, Wondering whether you've upset the person or somehow made yourself look bad. You can't see anything wrong with the message you've sent and you start to wonder about other times you may have got something wrong in their eyes. Or perhaps you've made a decision in your business and the outcome that you were hoping for hasn't happened yet. And you're starting to second guess whether you've done the right thing and you're wondering whether it's too late to backtrack. All sorts of connotations revolve around in your mind and it's becoming impossible to know what the right thing is to do. You're starting to worry about what other people might think, Whether you've shot yourself in the foot. All of these thoughts are going around in your mind. Or perhaps you have an event coming up and you're imagining every possible scenario with the worst of those going round and round in your head and you're already planning what you'll do if any of them happen. So whether it's a scenario like one of the ones I've just described that's playing out, Or if it's some other version of overthinking, The reasoning is usually pretty similar. So it's that a part of you, Not the rational adult part, But a part of you feels exposed and unsafe. So this part of you doesn't trust that everything will be okay. This part of you, For want of a better word, Is triggered and your body is now releasing cortisol. The stress response feels very real and your automatic reaction to it is to try to figure out how to protect yourself from this exposure. Right? Does this landing, Is this something that you're resonating with? Okay. If this is happening, This is a learned pattern. It's the overthinking, The trigger, The cortisol, The stress response. Your body and brain have done this so many times that it's probably a fairly familiar pattern by now. This is why you overthink things now. It's because of a pattern that your system runs on repeat. It's like a computer, It's like a program, It's programmed to perform a specific function. So the deeper questions are, Why do you run this type of pattern? And of course, How do you stop? This is the work that I do with my clients. So through exploration, We're able to identify where their patterns originate from and seeing them in this light provides like the start of relief from them in the day-to-day moments. So when you can start to see that you aren't actually feeling stressed about whether Davidine accounts thought your email was a bit abrupt and you're really running a program created by a pain from the past, And you've worked so hard over so many years to protect yourself from experiencing that pain again, That's like now become a pain almost in its own right. So when you can see that truth, You can stop worrying about that email and about David, And you can start to have a fresh perspective on what's going on. So if you've got something that you're overthinking at the moment, Or if there's a particular type of thought that regularly turns up as something that you will overthink, Rather than looking at it as the actual scenario, And it's the scenario itself that's the problem, And it's the action that's required from you is related to the scenario, Instead, Start to look at it through the lens of what pattern am I repeating here? Like, What is the fear that's going on behind this? How long have I had that fear for? Is this the first time I've ever experienced this fear or is this something which has happened many, Many times in my life? And if it's something that you can identify what it is, Then you can ask yourself, OK, So is what's going on, Is how I'm feeling actually true to this scenario, Or is it just, Is just this scenario triggering that feeling? So by doing that, You can start to extract your overthinking from what's present in that moment, And you can realise, And you can look at what's actually happening through a different lens. So to stop overthinking arising in the first place like this, It's a bit of a three part process really. So one is learning to understand the root of it, Which is what we've been working on so far. Another part of the process is like feeling heard and supported as you're coming to these realizations. So much of the experience of overthinking is in relation to what another person may think or what other people may think. So having a compassionate human to talk through, To have in your corner, To talk through what's going on for you, But not just at the, Not at the scenario level, That's really important. So if you talk to a friend or a partner or somebody about it and they are just you're talking about that one scenario, The chances are they're either going to try and help you solve that scenario or they're just going to say, I don't know why you're worrying about it. It's not like nothing bad's going to happen. Move on. What you really need is somebody to hold you in there like, Where's this pattern coming from? And the compassion for the part of you which is triggered, The part of you which feels the fear, The part of you that has come online really strongly, That's the bit of you that needs to be held and supported. And this is part of the work that coaching and therapists and counsellors do with their clients and this is very much one of the things that I do with mine. The third part of the process would be learning how to rewire your brain and your neurochemistry to create a different experience in these kinds of moments. So that'd be the final factor. So it's involving like a combination of calming your system at the time. So teaching it, Like allowing it to process, Allowing it to have those emotions, But then processing them so that they're given the chance to be worked and moved through your system. And so then, You know, You can then look at the scenario in a more rested like relaxed state rather than like you're just on the lookout for danger and then it's inputting new information for reference for future so it's it's starting to um question the types of overthinking thoughts that often happen so one of my favorite questions to leave my clients with to reflect on is what am i believing here that might not be a hundred percent true and then once they've once they've kind of given that some thought kind of to then ask well what are the other things that might be true in this moment and what are the likelihoods of these different scenarios unfolding? And if any of them did unfold, How would I handle that? Because we all know that our worry about things is worse than the actuality of it. So giving you the chance to reflect on what would I actually do if it happened? So that you can see your own resilience to these types of situations. And then once you've thought that through to say to yourself something along the lines of, I'm a resilient human being. I take things in my stride. I can handle what life throws at me. So all of these changes are possible. So to unlearn overthinking is really possible. It's not something that gets talked about that often, Which is why I wanted to offer this talk today. Most people just address things from wondering about how to actually solve the problem at the surface layer, Wondering whether to send another email, Rather than just finding their reaction interesting, Seeing it as evidence that there's something beneath the surface that needs excavation. And bringing whatever is below the surface into the light so that it can begin to heal. Like this, That's the work. The work is like deeply enlightening. It's a little bit uncomfortable, I'll be honest, But the overall experience is a revolution of self, Right? So being able to leave old habits and old pain behind. So next time you find yourself overthinking, Remember that three-step process. It's learning to understand what's at the root of it. So you can see what it really is. It's not this moment. There's something as a pattern really. Playing. So let's find out what that is. Feeling held and supported. So being able to talk through what that pattern is with somebody, Like being seen and being cared about in those feelings. That's the second part. And the third part is to learn to rewire your brain. So to challenge the overthinking thoughts and to look at your own resilience, Your adult rational abilities and how you will handle it.